The Final Straw
by francisherson42
Summary: Ataru isn't the perfect son-in-law for any parents, we can all agree to that. But what if he wasn't lecherous and carefree all the way to his core? If he had just tried to ignore all the troubles that seem to follow him ever since that day? This story deals with what happens once he decides that it had all become too much, needing to assess his world (and aquaincances) anew.
1. Another contraption

**Chapter One: Another Contraption**

So we find ourselves in this little suburb of Tokyo once again. A town where there was not such a thing as a 'normal' day. It's just the way things had become around here and even though it was still annoying for most of the area around Tomobiki to have to clean up the mess that this Moroboshi boy would inevitably produce, they could live with most of the rest. It would just be a bit weirder than a usual place.

One weird thing that didn't even make anybody question reality anymore was that a flying green-haired girl with horns descended down from her UFO into the two-story house that her self-proclaimed husband lived in.

"Daarliing!"

Lum came flying happily into her fiance's room, having yet another electronic gadget in her hand that wound surely just cause more havoc. To her disappointment she only found a little tiger-striped football with green hair just like hers sit inside at Ataru's desk, glueing some sort of paper construct together.

"Ten-chan, have you seen Darling?", she asked the little kid, irritated.

"No, what do I look like? His personal assistant?"

Figures. She would just have to ask mother in law. "Okay Ten, I'll go look for him downstairs. You be a good boy, alright?"

Ten turned towards her and fired up his 'Good_boy. exe' program and gave her his cutest smile. "I'm always!" and then turned around to his project again. Satisfied Lum headed downstairs.

If only she knew what paper that was...

Downstairs she also didn't find any trace of her Darling, but she found Mrs. Moroboshi reading a letter with a very annoyed expression while shaking her head.

"I don't believe it. I should've ..." she stopped immediately seeing her daughter-in-law floating in the door frame. "Ah, hello Lum! Do you need help with anything?", her face suddenly shining bright as the sun.

"I'm looking for Darling, have you seen him anywhere? I've got a surprise for him!", she practically exploded of sheer anticipation.

"No, honey, I'm sorry, but he left half an hour ago. He said Shutaro had called him about showing off something or other. I swear sometimes I wish he wasn't so incredibly thickheaded", she answered, yet again wondering why Lum was putting up with this.

"So, what kinda trouble did he cause you this time?", the matriarch of the hose continued, as she saw Lum turning red.

"None at all," Lum stated more aggravated by the second, "But he's off just as I had gotten something tho prove his love for me! Again! Sometimes I think he'd rather drown in quicksand than admit it!"

"Oh, honey, I'm sure that's not true," she told her, adding to herself mumbling, "at least I wish it wasn't!"

But as soon as she was finished the alien girl had already disappeared out the window.

"Poor thing!", she added sympathetically, before returning to preparing dinner.

Credits:

Hi Urusei Yatsura Fans!

I hope you enjoy my first story this far, even though this is ridiculously short. Don't worry: the next chapters are already written and way longer than this one. I'm planning to submit semi-weekly until I have reached what I have already put down to paper at this point (ch.7). Then we'll see.

In any case, please review, since it's very possible that your ideas and so on will influence future plot (if i like them). Also I'd like to know what you think. If you don't, then you don't. Your choice ;)

Thanks anyway,

Francis.


	2. Darling's Stress:Perils and Parent's day

**Replies:**

Pyeknu: Funny you said that... only it's not just her, but rather people nobody ever realizes, too.

* * *

'

**The Final Straw ch.2: Darling's Stress - Perils and Parent's Day**

'

Ataru Moroboshi merrily strolled down the small roads that spanned their network across town. Merrily mostly because he could catch a glimpse of the beautiful girls that seemed to be abundant around here, making up a higher percentage of the population than anywhere else across the whole of Japan.

'Well except for maybe the beach...', he thought aloud. But what was any different than usual?

Well, it was early February. The days were getting a teensy bit warmer, longer, the air still had that crisp wind of winter in it before spring started. But for one Ataru Moroboshi the greatest joy was for the jackets to (at least in his head) become, ever so slightly, thinner again, showing more and more curves of the hodt bodys of the girls wearing them.

He let out a content sigh. Then his typical lecherous giggle. He considered 'girlhunting' for a second, but stopped himself, muttering. He actually had somewhere to be!

"Stupid Mendo, I have my pride and hobbies as well! He can't just call me up and expect me to come..." he stopped irritated in his tracks, "Gosh, the city should really cut down the ozone to clean the water in the pool... wait!" It was February. The pool wouldn't be open until April or May... But before he could even turn around he heard that horrible sound.

That was the other thing that the citizens of Tomobiki had gotten used to. Despite sunny weather and already warm temperatures as well as in winter in the deepest cold there could always be a sudden lightning, blinding the entire area, blasting holes the size of a van into the ground.

He would never be a friend of it.

"DEVINE RETRIBUTION!"

Seconds later the charred remains of a teenager could be seen smoking in the pavement. An angry Lum bowed over him; "Why. Why do you keep doing this to me!"

At that the boy got up from the ground. "What have I done now!", he scowled at the Oni, as if the pain had never been there.

"I don't know! But I'm sure that you did do something when you run away without even telling me! You always are up to something!", she spat annoyed, "This is getting tiring, you know!"

Ataru chose to, as always ignore the last part. "I regret to inform you", he started calmly, but lost his temper anyway,"THAT MENDO REALLY INVITED ME OVER! He and the Stormtroopers want to beat me up, apparently."

Lum squeezed her nose between her fingers, having learned that that is what humans do to signal mental exhaustion. "Why are you going then?"

"Because the original purpose of his call was that his dad had just gotten him his first own car and he wanted to show off! I would look rude if I didn't go have a look and break something or orther...", silently adding "and I don't want that to happen in front of you..."

Lum gave him a deadpan look. "Since when do you care about that anyway? And why can't I come along?" She did have a point in that. "I mean, you never talk about being interested in cars before!" She was joking, right? He was a human being after all! Of course he was interested in other things except girls and food! Maybe not as much as other guys, but still he had a poster of the Mercedes C111 concept car on his wall. He also wanted to go on a vacation in China and trough Europe, to see the Grand Canyon and walk on the Moon. He couldn't talk to her about it though, or anything for that matter, because she would always state that they had better ones that her planet makes, all that were pathetic, boring destinations, that the pathetic human tech or bodies would force him to be content with and either take him to some place that almost kills him, or just kill the conversation with a, though well meant, resolute, but naive statement. Doesn't matter if it was the bodies themselfes, cars, houses, spaceships (obviously), food, frickin' water and even their rats were more agreeable than the ones on Earth, apparently!

He decided to just drop it. He didn't have time for that right now.

"Whatever. I didn't do a thing. See you later!" And with that he decided to crawl out of his hole, turn around and head onwards to the Mendo estate.

But Lum, being, well, Lum, decided not to let it go. "Why can't I go?"

"Because they're gonna beat me up for having destroyed your purity... again..."

"What?!" Lum yelled at him. "Why are you always behaving like this! You shouldn't do this!" Ataru felt somehow flattered by this "You are not able to fight to what I could, being your normal self! You don't have the skill to win against anything, that's facing me! And why do you mess in those affairs of mine anyway!"

He once again turned around and left, triggering an angry "DAAAAAARRLING!", but, without looking at her again he just told her: "Go home, already! I don't want you around right now, okay!"

"YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOUR LAZY, SELFISH BUTT ALONG SO I DON'T HAVE TO WATCH YOU ALL THE TIME LIKE A LITTLE KID, SO YOU DON'T FOOL AROUND WITH OTHER GIRLS!"

This time he didn't even consider answering, now royally pissed. He would often pretend to be pissed, just to make her feel guilty for being rude herself, before, but lately he _really_ was pissed off!

So he just left a fuming Lum hovering in the middle of the road and went ahead.

'

* * *

'

When he returned back home about two and a half hours later he already took a bad omen in Cherry sitting in the vacant, lot looking at him in his usual 'I'm going to have to inform you that I read a bad future in your hideous face' speech-mood. So he went along not paying attention to the tiny monk who looked irritably at the kid in question. "The world is at an end," he stated, "'tis fate!"

The next ominous sign of bad events to soon occur was the laughter that rang through his street and was already heard from a few houses down the road. It was rough, but not particularly low. It had a bit of an odd sound to it and it's owner was clearly recognizable. Not by the voice itself of course, but rather by the enormous tiger-striped UFO floating over the whole town. "How the_ Hell_ did I not notice **that!**"

Now the third thing that he should have noticed was the queasy feeling he had in his gut as he reached for his keys telling him to run away as quick as possible. Well he didn't listen to it.

As soon as he shut the door behind him he was already assaulted by his mother. "Ataru, where in the name of all that's holy have you been? You look awful! Go take a shower or something and then come downstairs! Dinner is ready in 20 Minutes and don't you dare be late, we have guests..."

"Hello to you too, Mom.", he told his mother irritated. He waited for her to go on insulting him, as she always did, but before she could there was a certain green-haired girl stomping into the hallway to take over screaming at him.

"Darling no baka! Why did you leave me in the middle of the road! Just like that! I've never done a thing to make you think bad of me so why!"

Ataru just thought he heard a bad joke and couldn't suppress clenching his fists, only to force himself breathe a few times to regain his temper. He could feel his head throbbing, not only by rage but rather by some different aspects of his psyche that seemed to clash inside of his head.

He managed to calm down a bit. "Lum", he asked, "do you notice anything different about me from before."

She took a closer look at him, leaning in, but other than disheveled hair, a footprint square on his face, a few small holes pierced through his shirt, complete with little bloodstains, a medium sized one in his left trouser leg and a few red scratches and bruises all over his visible skin and face, she didn't notice anything bad.

"No, I think you're just fine!", she answered naively, having been told a thousand times that he couldn't actually get hurt, being a human cockroach and all.

His right eye twitched. "I'm going to take a shower now.", he openly stated with a cracked voice and then, zooming upstairs, accidentally slapped an unsuspecting Ten against the wall, effectively making a Ten-shaped imprint in it.

'

* * *

'

In the bathroom, dressed with nothing but a towel, he took the big mirror on the wall.

He couldn't believe what a heap of misery was looking at him.

"It can't go on like this. It simply _cannot!_ I won't survive this much longer, and they're actually getting worse. And (incoherent misery) more and more (more suffering noises)." He fell down to his knees, touching the bruise, that Megane's morning star had left on his shoulders. Where did he get a medieval weapon from anyway? "Sure, I can handle a lot, but this is really getting ridiculous!" Then he thought of the big man sitting in his living room. Another choked sob. "And now that guy is here again! Can't he mind his own business for once!"

Her father was of course the person in question. Ataru was, to be fair, never a big fan of his, conquering the planet (or at least trying to) and all, but after the last time... that he stayed... Ataru stepped into the shower, trying to forget the madness that his life became more and more each day. He was sure that this couldn't go on for much longer. He couldn't have that much bad luck. The water that flowed over his scratches made them burn slightly. It was a good burn nonetheless. He felt it was at least not damaging him, as opposed to a bad one. He thought of Ten. A shiver ran down his back.

'

* * *

'

Ataru came strolling into the living room with his hands casually placed behind his head, hair disheveled just as usual. He wore his best orange T-shirt and a pair of clean blue Jeans (and white tennis socks, thanks for asking!), pretending to have already shrugged off the horrible day he had.

This became a lot more difficult as he was taken into an ambush by his father-in-law.

"Son, it's good to see you after all this time!", he shouted enthusiastically, proceeding inquisitively "Why do you never talk to us when Lum calls, hm? Don't you want to see us?", becoming more vicious with each word. 'Man, what an emotional man!', Ataru thought as he looked over his arm (at elbow height, actually being too small to look over his shoulders), seeing his mother shaking her head, undoubtedly thinking her catchphrase that he heard everyday since he was five. Then Lum looked at him questioning, tilting her head, apparently having cooled down a bit, while he was in the bathroom, only to give him a bubbly smile.

"Actually," he finally continued laughing nervously, "I can't be there most of the time simply because I don't have access to Lum's UFO." Which, of course, was a blatant lie, since the Oni was right. At this the head of the biggest armada in the galaxy and in what was (then) the known universe, turned his head to his daughter, along with his wife.

"Really, sweetheart? Is that so?", recalling all the times she told them that he couldn't be there because of some silly thing. Mostly something about extracurricular activities or something.

He seemed to have quite a lot of them. Those earthlings sure were a strange bunch, actually allowing their kin to enhance their grades by something not related to learning the basic essentials taught in an intergalactic empire's education system, much less their own, was beyond him, so he let it go.

"Daddy, you see, it's... like... er...", she smiled sheepishly at her father, only to shoot a short glare at her 'husband'.

Mrs. Invader exclaimed something in Alien gibberish to Ataru, obviously shocking her own man, and causing for her daughter to get pale. Despite not understanding a word, he knew that he had just been insulted openly in his face, yet behind his back, so the smaller man tried to wiggle himself out of the situation yet again.

"Actually I just can't get up there. I can't fly, unlike you guys, remember?" Invader visibly relaxed again, his wife smiling again and his daughter releasing a breath she didn't even realize she was holding.

They finally all settled down at the dinner table.

Ataru decided that it would be better to change topic. "A-anyways," he stuttered, "what brings you here on Earth?"

"Darling, have you not been listening in class?"

"Sure he hasn't forgotten parent's day! Right, son?" Invader asked him, his actual father hiding behind another newspaper. He realized that he should no longer sleep in class, since it was doing well for neither his grades, especially English, nor these peculiar situations he kept getting in, long ago. _Doing_ that was another thing actually not being that easy, since he was by now more often mentally tired by Ten's attacks and Lum's antics in the morning, already before school even began, than not. And on top of that he couldn't do anything in school with those two around. The whole class had to stay back a year already and blamed him for it.

'Sigh'. He found himself on that train of thought again.

"Of course he has! He never does anything he is supposed to! Always trying to manipulate the situation for his own advantage!" his mother exclaimed, hoping to... why was she doing this anyway? Luckily the Invaders didn't notice the nodding heads around them, thinking it was a joke. The one who noticed the insult everyone, except his in-laws, was giving him, was Ataru himself. He started wolfing down his rice.

'I really am too good of a human being, actually sparing the two of them the exposure of their schemes!', he thought in his 'noble voice'. At that some very, _very__**, very **_masculine voice popped up in the forefront of his mind.

_'_

* * *

_'_

_"__Mr. Moroboshi! You are only fooling yourself!"_ His vision went black for a moment, shining obstacles illuminating a figure dressed in some sort of kimono about 20 meters away from him. He could, howeve, tell, that it was not a girl. He'd recognize it.

_"__You shall be the one who will lead your world to the everlasting enlightenment!"_

Nope, this was actually a guy, a slender, tall one. Very peculiar, this being the mind of Ataru, who other than that had encounters almost solely with female ghosts (not counting Kotatsu-Neko). 'Very peculiar, indeed.', he thought to himself.

The figure stretched out his hand towards him, the boy expecting a hurtful electric shock, even in this head, but found a soft purple glow flowing towards him instead. It had a fuzzy, warm feeling of sunshine and cats, rubbing against his entire body, to it. He was caressed by it. Then a thought struck him.

"Who are you anyway?", he distrustfully demanded.

_"We are the gods to create and steer life as you know and imagine it."_ The figure said in his droning, booming voice, _"But more of that at a later time."_

Then the glow forcefully made its way into the poor boy's head, for a moment he felt like drowning, as reality reappeared before his very eyes.

'

* * *

'

At the table everyone looked at a desperate Ataru, coughing and gasping for air. Then he suddenly stopped mid-movement and looked straight into the round, giving a perplex giggle. "Son-in-law, are you alright?"

"Yeah of course, I just got something stuck in my throat."

"Darling, you shouldn't always pig out so much while eating!"

"I'm only eating this much out of grief," Ataru muttered.

"Very well," Invader smiled, obviously missing this comment just as much as everybody else, "tell me, Ataru. How are things going between my precious pumpkin", he kindly looked at his daughter," and her 'Darling'."

"As always, I suppose...", he thoughtlessly told the large Oni, missing an all-saying worried look that the two alien women exchanged,

"I see. And how is school treating you these days?

"Actually, just as bad as usual. I got extra homework from Onsen-Mark, because I supposedly started yet another destruction of our classroom the other day."

"You really did start it, Darling! You tried peaking under Shinobu's skirt!"

"I had dropped my pencil, that was all! And still, you didn't need to electrocute me so much that my desk caught on fire!"

Mr. Invader suddenly popped up. He actually just heard that, right?

"Still, it would fit you!"

"Anyway," he decided not to bother with his own personal Devil-Alien bride for now, "now I've got to translate twenty pages of 'Pride and Prejudice' into Japanese until tomorrow," he growled

"You're not even thinking about doing it in the first place, are you, Darling?"

'She's really pushing it today', Ataru thought to himself, then turned to the girl and told her in a firm voice: "Just so you know, Lum, I was already finished before I left the house earlier."

"Left me in the middle of the street you wanted to say!", exclaimed Lum, "Why, Darling!"

"You sometimes really deserve to be left alone," Ataru stated aggravated. There was a deadly silence in the room. Nobody dared to say a word.

Lum cooked.

Mrs. Moroboshi was getting furious as well for him doing such a 'horrible' act.

Ten tried to be a good boy and stifled a laugh.

Mrs. Invader closed her eyes and covered her ears, already knowing how her daughter reacts to that kind of answer.

Mr. Invader wondered...

Only Mr. Moroboshi was actually so _tense_ that he couldn't **not** say a word. He didn't want this conversation to be any tenser, so he tried to find another topic altogether, put down his newspaper and started to speak.

"Beautiful weather we're having, isn't it?

'

* * *

'

A very charred Ataru slammed the door to his room shut behind him. Furious at his alien bride – or whatever she declared herself to be.

"I won't make it through today and tomorrow if this goes on! This overreacting all the time, this false attitude that they all have", he growled to his empty room.

He was hurting in every spot of his body. _Every single one!_ Ataru sighed and slumped onto his office chair. He rested his head, that felt like a million tons of dynamite exploded, in his hands. "I need a miracle to..."

Suddenly the dark figure flashed into his mind once again. That was indeed very peculiar. He was almost exclusively visited by female ghosts, picking up his earlier train of thought. What was that supposed to mean anyway?

"Enlighten the world?", he said and chuckled sourly, "Yeah, right. I'm lucky if I'll pass the next English exam, much less..."

He stopped mid-sentence, as he looked at Ten's creation before him. There was a very detailed model of a jet-fighter of some sort, probably one of the Devil Star, made out of paper maché. Ataru was throwing his head back in annoyance yet again. Firstly, his desk now was a mess of pieces of paper and glue, sticking to the top of the working area. Secondly, there were roman letters on the paper used for it.

The boy grabbed the plane and got up.

'

* * *

'

Ataru's mother was on her knees, picking up the pieces of what formerly was her table. Her face looked defeated and a bit annoyed, but mostly blackened by the ashes that everything flammable always seemed to disintegrate into when her son was around. Her husband sat there, shivering tremendously, nod as badly charred as his son, but with a ripped newspaper in his hands.

Ten was laughing loudly, his aunt just sitting there with a content smile on her face, as was Lum. The only one who was alarmed by something seemed to be Invader, THE Lord of the Galaxy, himself, looking more than just shocked by what had just happened.

In the midst of this confusion Ataru came back downstairs to blast into the middle of it.

"Lum," he asked matter-of-factly and held the model up into her face, "what is this?"

"That's my plane!", Ten exclaimed triggered, "Put it back!"

The bigger boy looked at Lum calmly, despite his obviously clenched jaw. "This is my _homework_, you know."

"That's right Darling, now go put it back," she told him sweetly.

Ataru stared into her face, his every muscle tense, his eye twitching.

He spontaneously rushed back up only to push through the crowd a minute later with his futon and an extra blanket under his right arm, and his English book and a flashlight in the right hand, open the door, turn around and mutter "I'm going to sleep in the shed tonight, if that's the case!", so that he makes his anguish clear and slam the glass door shut behind him.

Mr. Invader was cursing his life for that he knew he was lied to all this time.

'

* * *

'

Ataru was at about page 5 of his second translation, when the door to the cowshed he once built for Lum opened.

Mr. Invader peaked in, looking helpless. "Ataru," he said, "come back inside. It's winter here on earth. You are going to die here like this."

The boy looked at the head of his father in law, which was the size of his whole upper body.

"With respect, Mr. Invader, no. I need to finish this or Onsen will give me hell until the end of the year, which I will surely fail then."

He glared at Invader empty, awaiting an insult. Instead the big man crawled in, holding a bottle of sake in his one hand, and two cups in his other. "Then I have to talk to you for a second, if you don't mind."

"I don't drink alcohol."

"Come on, just one little cup."

"No."

"Aw, you're no fun!", the Oni lamented, "Anyways, Ataru. You know why I'm here?

"No, not really, but it probably has something to do with Lum. Correct?"

"About, yes. Is she often like that? To you?"

"Like what?"

"Blowing everything up for a very nonsensical reason?"

Ataru sighed. "Now that you mention it...", Ataru said sarcastically.

"Oh. In that case I'll take Lum and Ten with me tonight to my spaceship, so you can have your peace and quiet."

"Somehow that won't go well," the boy stated, "I don't know"

"You're going to freeze to death out here!"

"I'm not going!", he shouted; he sneezed. "Fine."

"Very well," Invader proclaimed, satisfied that he'd brought everything back in track so quickly.

'

* * *

'

Ataru felt positively dead. Which was a paradox, since he actually was feeling something, which could only mean he was alive.

"Shit!", he mumbled to himself as he realized that fact.

His chest was feeling like it was about to cave in, his teeth hurt and his head was well working on the aforementioned. He was plainly miserable.

'

* * *

'

Ryuunosuke Fujinami was looking at Ataru slightly baffled. She had seen him nervous before, sure but this was taking things to a whole new level of ridiculous.

To the right sat the Mendo family, complete with their servants and the 'porta-thrones', as her dad says they were called, they would get out for such occasions, waiting for a reason to sue Ataru off his last pair of clean underpants. To the left the Invaders, chatting merrily amongst themselves in their weird alien language, her dad accidentally and unknowingly scaring the shit out of the other parents, in the back were his own parents obviously not amused by their son's 'social life', in front of him Mr. Onsen, aggravated.

Most of the other students, most notably the Stormtroopers and Shinobu, were glaring daggers at him.

And in the middle of this mess, ripping the hair out of his head, which was currently located on his desk, with gritted teeth in a guge, false smile, was poor Ataru. If he wasn't such a damned lecher, she would really have envied his patience for not losing it right now. And she was feeling with him, having such a horrible parent's day. Luckily, Mr. Onsen already came over to her place this morning, since they lived at school, sadly, and got it over with a punch in his face.

So she could only watch the show take it's course. The stage was, after all, set for great entertainment.

This occurred when Mr. Onsen asked Ataru for his assignment that he had to do last for last Wednesday's disturbances. Ataru got up and held up a few pieces of paper and a model plane.

"I'm very sorry about the form of my work, but the firebug made a jet fighter out of it. I stayed up half the night to try to fix it, but I'm afraid it hasn't had the wished results."

That was certainly a new one. He'd had his dog, that he didn't have, eat his homework, he had Ten burning it, but this was an excuse he hadn't used before. Ryuu-chan chuckled to herself.

"MOROBOSHI!", exclaimed the fat teacher, snatching the plane, being in a bad mood since this morning. "How stupid do you even think I am!"

"B...b...b...but...!"

"You really are the most disgraceful excuse of a student that I have ever heard of! I want the whole thing redone until Friday, do you understand me!"

"But Mr. Onsen, Ataru really did do the homework," Mr. Invader interfered.

"Don't take the side of this slacker, Mr. Invader!", he exclaimed, "That's not helping anyone here at all!"

"Yes, daddy. Darling probably really didn't do anything for school, he usually never does!", Lum cheeped cheerfully. Invader turned his head an incredible speed that shouldn't be possible at all, to stare holes into his own daughter with big, round,surprised eyes, who rolled her own eyes at him for that.

Ataru himself was even paler than he seemed before, he tumbled back, one hand clutching his chest, the other his desk. SOMETHING was off today.

'

* * *

'

Ataru heard a loud sizzling in his head, getting louder by the second, his chest was imploding by now, he had a heavy heartburn and his legs were suddenly giving in.

"Ataru Moroboshi!", his mom shouted at him, "How dare you make us look like raising a slacker such as you! Idiot!"

"Yes, dearest Lum-san hasn't deserved such a raw, depraved failure like you!", Shutaro chimed in, only to be backed by Megane.

"Yes, the fair Lum-san will never be able to be with such an abomination of the otherwise cultivated and peace-seeking population of this green-blue-ish marvel in space, as such Lum should not let her perfect and flawless individual be dragged down by scum like him!"

"**Excuse me!**" Ataru's mother practically yelled at the boys, "if you were to mind your own business for once in a while, I wouldn't have this problem whatsoever!"

Mrs. Mendo's Butler stepped in at this point, relaying a message, "DO YOU ACCUSE OUR SHUTARO TO BE AT THE SAME LEVEL AS YOUR MONKEY BOY?!"

Ataru's vision got blurry at this point. He hardly heard what Megane said, but his head was loud as hell. He needed to... to...

"**Well, at least I tried to raise my kid in the first place instead of letting him do whatever he pleased!**"

"I need to get out of here!", Ataru suddenly manifested out of nowhere, slipping trough the wall of parents, building up to fight here, in a speed humanly really not possible.

He rushed down the crowded hallway, passing mostly parents and pretty girls, all looking disgusted at seeing him.

He then had to slow down considerably, suddenly feeling very sick, the ringing becoming unbearable.

A flash of long shining, black hair caught his eye. The salvation!

"Sakura-SAAAN!", he cried out of reflex in a suggestive tone. In a just as reflexive move Ataru was kicked out of the window by the school nurse, some kid screaming "Blue Impulse!", after him.

Ataru meanwhile was flying all the way to the street in front of the building only to crash down in the middle of the sidewalk. He got up with a loud groan (or at least tried to, needing three tries to actually succeed) and was immediately assaulted by a screeching girl with her purse, thrown further into the street, just in time for a black limousine to rush at him. Too late for the driver, having only human reflexes, to react, Ataru's body, very battered and his psyche weak as well, did something, that would have never happened in a million years if it didn't come to these exact events. It shut down completely.

'

'

* * *

**Credits:**

Well, Ataru's in some shit now, is he? Usually this couldn't happen to our favorite human cockroach, but he seems to be terribly stressed out lately, doesn't he? (author whistles inconspicuously)

And yes, Lum would say that. She regularly gives debasing comments about humanity. I wonder why nobody ever notices.

And no, she doesn't make these because she's evil. Not because of that...

Let me hear what you think. I might consider it if I like it...

I'm also introducing a song text that I find fitting somewhere in each chapter from now on. This one will be in the credits as I only just announced it.

'

'

Riding on a long, blue paper plane,

Getting seasick, sorry, once again.

Landing strip is getting nearer,

Hope the fog lifts, makes it clearer,

Then I realized my paper plane

Wasn't really up there with me

We all make mistakes, forgive me

Would you like to ride my paper plane?

** -Status Quo – Paper Plane**

'

* * *

**Next time on The Final Straw:**

"Why, did you expect someone else?"

Well, yes. Actually he was expecting Lum and his parents to show up when he was in hospital and not his [censored for plot development]. But she would, for her being a girl, make do.

"I was sorta expecting my mom and the girl that thinks she's my fiance," he joked.

"I would also have thought that at least Lum would show up one of these days..."


	3. Breaking the Unbreakable

**Replies:**

Guest: This is not about ostracizing everybody around him, but rather opening their eyes about the situation. I sincerely believe nobody in the Rumic Word, or here Rumic Universe, is truly 'evil', but noone is rational or considerate either.

'

* * *

**The Final Straw chapter 3: Darling's ignored? - Breaking the Unbreakable!**

**'**

The very first thing that Ataru had noticed was the throbbing pain in his left arm and the chest area as he woke up. He tried to cry out but wasn't able to, his throat too dry to manifest any sounds. The second thing was the fact that he was in a hospital bed. The bright light of some neon tubes were burning in his eyes, so that he needed a second to come to this realization. But this was impossible, for he was Ataru friggin' Moroboshi the Unbreakable! A human cockroach, a lizard thar could regenerate limbs! But it had to be true... for he was here? A dream perhaps... or a hallucination...

The next important thing that came to his sight was a brown-haired girl, which he was still unable to clearly identify, sitting in the back of the room, her hands holding up her head.

"A babe!", he naturally thought.

Sound came back to Ataru as well, as he noticed a slight sniffling sound coming her way. Ataru was challenged in his pride: He couldn't let a girl be sad around him and if it killed him!

Ataru once again took a deep breath to start a conversation... only a slight wheezing sound came out, him being absolutely dry. But it was enough to make the girl notice. She looked up and noticed that his eyes were open again, outright jumping next to the bed. "Shi-Shinobu!", he coughed weakly.

Ataru almost had to giggle, as she began: "Thank the Gods, you're awake! Can I get you anything? The doctors said you have sustained...", she frantically asked him, but his mind was trailing off. Ataru wanted to grab her, ask for a kiss, a date and what happened to him (in that exact order), but... somehow... actually... couldn't sorta... bring himself to do so. He for the first time ever noticed something wrong in the aftermath of something, his libido was somehow... paused, he supposed. So he weakly raised his good arm and gestured drinking from a glass.

A mere ten minutes later the doctor that was assigned to him, a middle aged man with a mole on his cheek and a receding hairline, was standing in front of his bed, looking at some charts.

"Well Mr. Moroboshi. You are surely one of the strangest cases ever to be my patient. Also your illnesses that day were quite remarkable..."

"That day? Wait, which day do we have?", Ataru asked gulping down yet another glass of water. This was his fifth already.

"You were having your issues on Monday. It now is Wednesday."

"Thank the Gods," he sighed, and the doctor looked at him questioning. "I have a report to do until Friday or my 'nice man' of a teacher will let me flunk English for sure this year."

The girl gave him an incredulous look. "You have just woken up from a three-day coma in hospital and are thinking about class now? What the hell is wrong with you?", she asked, shocked.

Ataru tried not to take an insult in this. "They never found out, really," he half-joked. No one really knew what was going on with him. He wasn't quite this bad for a long time...

"Anyhow," continued the doctor, "you were indeed in quite a bad shape when you arrived here. You have a serious health problem concerning your heart. Your body had an acute attack of stress, your nervous system shutting down almost entirely to prevent a complete standstill of your cardiovascular muscles. You are free to feel very lucky that your heart didn't give in at that moment, young man."

"So you're saying that I almost had a heart attack?", the boy asked very weakly, not believing that _he, _**the **Ataru Moroboshi had almost died back there.

"No, you just damaged your actual muscles in the heart so much that the increased hormone levels inhibited the oxygen intake and that was enough for it not to be able to do it's job anymore. Say, could it be that it you exposed yourself to extreme amounts of electrical energy or chemicals that could damage your internal organs? It seems that there are at least traces of such in your body as well..."

It couldn't be. This was just too much information to take in all at once. Ataru laid his head onto his pillow, staring at Shinobu, then at the doctor.

"No, no, it's just my personal devils that seem to haunt me wherever I go in life," he told the two devoid of any emotion, them staring at him worriedly.

There was a short silence.

"Well, as it is we will have to keep you here for at least another three days to supervise any possible aftereffects. But this little Miss here is keeping you good company, I'm sure!"

Ataru looked at the girl as she looked at him. She smiled at him apologetically. Ataru grinned dumbly at her and then nervously laughed.

The doc gave a slight chuckle at the scene as he started to gather some papers that he had brought earlier, "You sure, she's not you girlfriend?", he joked.

Ataru seemed to try to recollect his options to depict her as so. He didn't have any success.

"Not that I would know."

The girl hid her face within her hands again as the man opened the door to leave. He turned one last time to Ataru: "Hey, and don't you worry, kid. I'm sure all will be alright. You have recovered very fast so far. Be sure not to get too upset and whenever there is a problem, feel free to call a nurse."

Now you didn't need to tell him that twice!

Ataru was now facing a totally different problem. Namely his ex-girlfriend, as the **only** present person, sitting next to him in the hospital. How the hell would he start this conversation? He wasn't in a place, or mood to ask for her 'favors' right now, so... he decided not to.

"You can't be Ataru-kun, I suppose?"

"The one and only, Shinobu, why would you ask!"

"Oh, nothing, Ataru-kun."

"Just call me Ataru, please. We've had this conversation before, no need for formalities, remember?"

"Ataru-kun, that was under different circumstances. Please call me Shinobu-san again, okay?"

The lecher stared dumbfounded.

"Now, Shinobu-chan... not that I would mind... but... why are you here?"

Shinobu sighed. 'Well, at least some progress...'

"Why, did you expect someone else?"

Well, yes. Actually he was expecting Lum and his parents to show up when he was in hospital and not his ex, that kept telling him she wouldn't care. But she would, for her being a girl, make do.

"I was sorta expecting my mom and the girl that thinks she's my fiance," he joked.

"I would also have thought that at least Lum would show up one of these days..."

Wait, she wasn't here before _at all?_ He frowned disappointed. His counterpart noticed and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sure they had their reasons. It must be hard for someone to see their beloved son/husband in such a sorry state."

"Yeah, right," he scoffed. Shinobu seemed to notice his further anguish and decided to dig a little deeper.

"Is everything alright with them?"

Ataru instantly snapped out of it and put up his usual goofy grin. "Good as always!", he placated in his happy voice (usually reserved for girlhunting).

She didn't buy it, but didn't get the chance to further investigate, as a tall man with black glasses, an earpiece and a stylish black suit entered the room. He had mid- to dark-brown hair and a very serious expression on his face and Ataru instantly stiffened as he recognized him as the 2nd in command of Mendo's personal task force crew.

"Wh...wh...what are **you **doing here?", he stammered, retreating back into his bed as far as he could.

The man took off his glasses and was instantly looking confused. His eyes were sort of green-ish and much smaller than Ataru would have imagined.

'

* * *

'

"So you're his niece?", he asked Shinobu incredulously.

"Pretty much, yeah", she told him casually.

"And you don't hate me?"

"Yes, I suppose not. Those are the reasons why you and none of your other friends were hurt in the process of intruding the mansion, actually", he told the boy firmly, his voice a lot less hostile than usual.

The injured turned to Shinobu.

"And when exactly were you planning on telling me this?"

Shinobu smiled and shrugged "Oops, I guess?", she laughed insecurely.

'

* * *

'

"And then," Ataru continued irritated, "a first-year girl punched me onto the road when I fell from second floor?"

"Yes."

"And then you ran me over because you were late and in a hurry for substituting her mom at parent's day and I fell unconscious in the middle of the road?"

"That's right."

"Wow. What a crazy morning."

"Indeed", Kenji, as he had found out Mendo's employee was called, assured him with a smile.

"Is the car alright?", the kid asked with a serious attitude.

Both Kenji and Shinobu started laughing wholeheartedly at this. Ataru didn't realize why what he said was funny and looked from one to the other and back confused.

But that didn't matter. Everyone was alright and that was the end of it.

Or rather it wasn't, for Ataru realized something.

"Hey, could you do me a favor and tell me what the homework was? I'd also like to catch up on the material I've missed. And I need my copy of 'Pride and Prejudice'."

This made Kenji and the girl give him jet another weird look.

"I know just what you're thinking, guys, but I'm going to be bored out of my brains anyway. Might as well do something useful with the time, then."

The older man was taken aback by this. This wasn't according to his information about the lecherous slacker enemy.

"So you want me to do what exactly?"

"I need my book. It's on my desk at home. Also my school stuff is still in school. If you could get it for me please, Shinobu?"

"I can do that, no problem.", she assured him.

"And it would be great if you could somehow get me a copy of Shu-chans notes, please."

Kenji chuckled and Shinobu frowned.

"Why not mine?", she demanded.

"Because of your handwriting. You remember that I usually had the same mistakes in tests as Kosuke?"

"I can't believe you, sometimes, Ataru Moroboshi.", she shook her head.

"Very well, I shall inform the Young Master."

Ataru raised his hand. "But he won't do that if he knows it's me."

"So what am I supposed to do?!"

"You're the head of his intelligence, man. You can easily copy a few pieces of paper without him knowing, can you?"

"Yes, but he hates you, and I'm loyal to his every command ever since he was five!", he told the hospitalized Ataru, now again hostile.

"He is slightly mental, you know. We all are in some way, but people like him or me are taking it to a whole new level. On a different note it's not like those files are really confidential, are they?"

He got some strange looks from both of them. Shinobu would have normally gotten mad at this, but was surprised at his momentary gift to assess the situation they were all in neutrally.

"I guess you're right."

'

* * *

'

Ataru laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling of his hospital room, with his good arm behind his head. He didn't tell this to anybody yet, but something had been very off. He had noticed it a little while ago, about the time that Lum got the ice-coolers and all the boys, including himself, hit themselves half to death in order to make their desires become reality and the nurse called it normal.

It was everything but normal, he was sure of it. Well, for him and his overgrown monster of a libido (he knew that himself as well) it was, perhaps, but the others...

No. He was going to find out what it was someday. He was sure of it.

'

* * *

'

Ataru was annoyed. For several reasons, actually.

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, nobody except the two members of the Miyake family, and since then only Shinobu, had decided to show up. Either they didn't know, or just didn't care or whatever. He could have even sworn though, that he heard Cherry laughing once...

Secondly, he had been doing a shit-ton of English, Maths and the other sciences the last few days, suffering recurring headaches from over-exhaustion.

That was the third thing he wasn't quite fond of: He had taken serious damage out of all of this.

Not just his bones (which was bad enough, because he couldn't move his arm and his chest hurt as hell), but also his stamina and his psyche. His tremendous energy was... sorta... gone. That was nothing short of a catastrophe for him! The doctors said it would return to normal over time and with some exercise, but then there was the reason for all of this. He had worried half the night, every night, about it before finally surrendering to sleep.

And then the fact tat his visions were recurring was a problem as well. His vision had been in his dreams for about as long as he was here now, every night a few hours of the purple stuff seeping into his head. He, in average, got to sleep about four hours every night, which wasn't helping his tiredness. Nor the fact that they wanted to survey him for a day longer, since he talked and rolled and kicked (and moaned) excessively in the little sleep that he got, so he was lonely until Sunday.

Lastly, there was a discouraging look on Shinobu's face, as she was sitting right next to him, currently proof-reading his work. That was essentially a good thing, he decided, since he was bound to make lots of mistakes here, but on the other hand, she wasn't very pleased about what Ataru wrote, complaining about most of the stuff he did. As she was explaining him that so much red (for him that were actually quite few mistakes, but she was taking herself as standard) was just embarrassing, the doctor stepped in with three people in tow: Kenji and, what, if Ataru remembered correctly, were her parents. Mr. Miyake, still in his yellow pullover with the orange zik-zak motive over his pudgy belly, as always, his mustache combed and trimmed perfectly, as always, his hair, receding and going gray, as always, with a grim expression on his face, as always, glaring daggers at him, as always, and her mother, wearing a (semi-casual) fully covering dress, her hair cut at shoulder-length, as her daughter had, looking cheery, as always.

The medic unceremoniously told Ataru that he was considered free to go (which was a relief for him, not to be caged in in this tiny room with no one awake to talk to save for Shinobu-chan: Sure there were the families of the other patients, who were, themselves, unconscious, but he felt bad talking to them, fearing he might make them cry about something), and a few exercises to make to rebuild his heart and stamina, as well as a list of foods that he should avoid for a while. Sure enough he scanned the documents and...

"WHAT!", he yelled, the girl next to him and her mother both cramped up from shock,"I can't eat beef? Or takeout?!"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. The components and fat included in most kinds of meat and the preservatives of the cheap ingredients of takeout food are..."

Ataru dropped deaf for a second, the world around him stopping to exist, fading, becoming black.

'Oh no. This is bad. Really bad. If I can't even eat proper food how should I ever be able to cope with my Oni around?' No frustrated Beef-Bowl sessions, not the warm, tingling sensation of sukiyaki in his throat... Ataru was frozen so stiff, that one could suspect Oyuki. He gave himself one month, tops, before kicking the bucket.

At this point, a gentle tug at his good arm brought him back to reality before he could let out a scream of horror, distracting him once more.

The doctor was looking at him alarmed, Kenji and his sister both a hand on his shoulders.

"Are you sure that you're alright, kid?", the agent asked.

"Yes of course, I'm Ataru Moroboshi the Unbreakable!" It was a little ironic, really.

"Well then, you come. We'll take care of the rest.", the older woman told him.

"Where?", the injured asked sceptically.

"We are inviting you to dinner, dummy!", Shinobu's mother suddenly exploded enthusiastically.

"Huh?"

'

* * *

'

Now to say that he had expected this would, quite simply put, be a blatant lie.

But sure enough he found himself in a sleek black sedan, shooting across Nerima all the way to Butsumetsu, where, white and modern, encased in a large garden with a variety of form-cut bushes and small trees, stood Kenji's residence. A two-story building with another story in the roof, much ancient accessory embedded into the wall, giving it a very polarizing look combined with the modern windows and doors, and a two-car garage standing next to it.

'Woa! Now _that'_, Ataru thought, 'is a house.' Mendo's villa was very classical, and pompous, but he had more interest in making the most of smaller places.

They entered the front-door and he was greeted by dark wooden paneling, more white walls, vases, a high-tech TV- and stereo-set and a cute little dog... jumping up and down, growling and flashing his teeth, angered at him. The human took a step back, knowing by now that fangs in his leg can hurt a lot, trying to calm him down.

"Daisuke! Aunty's home!", the girl exclaimed behind him and went to pick the small dog up. He looked as they disappeared upstairs, leaving him completely alone in the living room with her uncle, as he noticed.

"So, Ataru, now that you are better, let's talk about business a little."

'Aha, there's the catch!' "I'll see what I can do."

"So then come with me."

He looked around and followed the man into his office, a small, dark room with the windows closed and the light turned off, containing not much more than a desk and two chairs, and a huge shelf with paperwork filed in various folders.

The boy took place on the smaller, wooden chair, obviously very aged, and the man sat down vis-a-vis on a comfy office chair.

"So, Mr. Moroboshi," he started, turning around to grab one of the folders, "What's your deal?"

"I-I don't actually know what you are talking about?"

"You sure?", he asked skeptically and slapped it on the desk. The label read 'Ataru Moroboshi, Chikyū no ten'nō'.

'What in the name of all that's sacred is that?' He checked again. 'Ataru Moroboshi, Emperor of the Earth'.

"You, my good sir, are a keen sadist."

"What the hell? I haven't showed you what's in there yet!"

"Oh."

"This, Ataru, is part one of the great collection of information around you that the Young Master ordered a while ago, and there seems to be a slip up or something in here. We tried to recheck it on what that could be about five times now, but can't find it and we don't dare present it to the Young Master yet."

"So?"

"Will you help us?"

This was getting ridiculous in an annoying sense very fast. "What do I get out of it?"

"I... uh..." He didn't think of that. How he was able to keep his job all this time was a miracle to anybody.

"We'll see. If you shall reveal the missing link to our investigation, I will reward you."

"I don't really know what that would be."

"That's just... great. You don't have to do much here. Only this: if you were just to relax and answer me a few questions later on, that would be good."

"I don't see why that would be a problem in the first place. If you want me to do something that simple, just say so in the first place."

"Really?"

"Yes, a polite, neutral and, not to mention, possible task is something that almost nobody ever seems to give to me anymore, so I would be happy to comply," he told the agent obliviously, sounding more menacing than he meant to.

Kenji was baffled, to say the least. That was just what he was talking about. Until roughly two years ago, the Ataru that sat before him was what was real thing, one boy that the Mendo private army would be able to deal with, but then...

Then he noticed that Ataru was gone.

"Oh for fuck's sake!"

'

* * *

'

Ataru had been dragged outside by the girl, to see a fully set table with lots of treats on it.

'Mika-san is really fast!', he thought, remembering how good Shinobu's mom could cook.

"C'mon Ataru, let's sit down! Mom's been preparing this all afternoon!"

Figures.

"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to grab a bite!"

Despite everything that had been told to him at the hospital, he hadn't eaten properly since last Sunday morning and almost starving here. To say that he liked hospital food was not quite right, but still better than Lum's food crystals.

'Brrrrr...'

He shivered at the thought.

Meanwhile out of nowhere, a curious, male voice asked: "Are you sick?"

The teen snapped out of it and looked around. A door seemingly appeared out of nowhere and a blonde boy in a rabbit suit stepped out. Recognizing him, he put his good hand behind his head, grasping his hair.

"Ah, hey Inaba! No, I'm just a little shaken, is all?"

"Shaken by what?" The boy had him.

"Uh... I..."

"Well, my good man, how are you these days? How is the alien becoming you?"

Ataru just stared at him in panic, blinking a few times. Shinobu took yet more pity on Ataru.

"Now, now, Inaba, don't mess with Ataru, he just got out of hospital and is still very much out of it. He may feel unwelcome.", she tried to point out, receiving no reaction.

"Cool!", the boy exclaimed in admiration and his girlfriend toppled over to the front.

"I'll go help mom or else she will never go eat along with us."

As they watched her leave, the boys chuckled at each other and took place at the dinner table to be rejoined by the others a few minutes later.

"Thank you for the food!", they all said and dug in, only to stop shortly afterward, as they saw Ataru wolfing down his food. The boy noticed and looked up himself.

"Fwhat?"

"Ataru," Miki said, "that's gross." Ataru looked at her with a mouth stuffed with rice. He swallowed.

"Fine." The guy proceeded to eat normally, the others still looking at him, then deciding to do so themselves.

After that, a while of silence followed, only to be disrupted by the chewing and clanging noises that are inevitable once Ataru is around.

"Ataru?", Shinobu tried to restart conversation.

"Hmpf?", he said with full mouth.

"Say, really: Why hasn't Lum been at the hospital, doesn't seem like her..."

Ataru was caught off guard.

"How would you know?"

"I've not been living under a rock for the last one and a half years, Ataru."

"Oh, right, hehe," he laughed.

"You know, there are not many aliens, or other interesting people, living in Nerima, so the rumor mill is always going when it's quiet around you."

Ataru scoffed at that, having regained a balance of some sort.

"Yeah, right. There are at least four aliens around here with a steady residence on earth."

"That would be Mrs. Ran, Mr. Rei, Jariten and Lum-sama, if I'm not mistaken?", Kenji butted in.

"Tell me if I'm wrong," Inaba amended, "but isn't there a little, red, fish-like alien around, too?"

The whole round looked at him incredulous. He shrugged.

"It's always hanging around the school yard, holding up signs, just like that fat panda."

Kenji made a mental notice to check in with that, while Ryota, her father, just scoffed.

"Anyway, what kind of rumors?"

"Ah, mostly that you keep on violating Lum, who is a victim of Stockholm's Syndrome."

"WHAT?", he yelled angered, "This is outrageous, a complete misinterpretation of what is actually going on... what in the world is that?"

"It's a mental illness that makes the captured take a liking in the captor, who holds the victim hostage," her dad explained wearily.

"Wow. What a way to be friendly." Ataru rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Didn't we agree years ago already, that you would stop being so unpleasant towards Ataru, dear?", Miki admonished him stressed out, "We don't want to drive him away again, now that he is here, don't we?", she added whispering into his ear.

He just scoffed.

"So, Ataru, tell us, what _are_ you and Lum up to these days?", Inaba then tried to continue.

"Well, before I got hospitalized, she electrocuted me for going to Mendo's without her, despite me just taking serious weaponized beating by Mendo and the Stormtroopers, then Ten used my English paper as raw material for a paper plane..."

"You're not still going on about that, do you?!", Shinobu yelled at him, "Will you stop already!"

He had been annoying her with that all week, and, as far as she could tell, he wasn't quite lying to her, but it wasn't no excuse to her for going on and on about it.

Ataru looked at her triggered. Something inside of him just wanted to let out all his frustration, now.

"I am and I will not!", he shouted with a suddenly very broken voice, "After all, what's it to you?"

"Well, I get to be the victim of these daily shenanigans of yours, that destroy normal class order!"

"Great, then you should've had a week of vacation, while I was unconscious most of the time!"

Ryota massaged his sleeves, as he was listening to all of this. "Just like back then. I can't believe that there is an actual chance of this ever coming up again," he growled, as he saw his brother-in-law take out a notebook. "Kenji, what are you doing?"

"This is getting rather interesting for my research. Just watch!" And both of the men did so.

"You think so, huh, Ataru? Try having Monday missing out completely because the parents of you and your 'fiancé' destroyed our classroom, _**again**_, Tuesday was overshadowed by the war between the Principal and Onsen-Mark, if there should be declared a state of emergency, because you are mortal, Wednesday there was Sakura's spirits acting up again..."

"Guys, I really don't think this should be a reason to fight, at all. Now if you messed with space-time, _that_ is a real treat to safety..."

"Shut up until you actually get what this world is all about, rabbit boy!", Mr. Miyake told poor Inaba.

"But..."

"Well, if being a cute girl is such a bad life, _**YOU**_ try to be _**ME**_, for a change!"

"Oh, yeah, as if being a little lecher with a super hot, rich alien princess with superpowers for a wife and no other cares in the world was heavy!"

Ataru was deeply shaken by this. He stood up and walked over to her to tower over her and hold his cast right before her face.

"Shut your stupid face, little miss perfect! You call my life easy?!", his anger suddenly switched to desperation, "If you can call being the scapegoat of the world an easy life you are totally right!"

Nobody dared to say anything right now. Shinobu looked at him surprised.

"But I thought you liked being Lum's man?"

"If you like being blown up, almost sliced to death, beaten up with a morning star..."

"Morning star?" She noticed he was keeping his eyes shut, trying to prevent a few tears from flowing out.

"... fried by a little kid that can fly and makes animals that are otherwise harmless big enough to eat you, indebted to death by the Japanese government, rejected by every sane girl in a thousand kilometer radius, or make that the universe, and your **own** _parents_," at this point he was crying in her face, inches before her, "fail at school for not being able to concentrate, and finally electrocuted to a crisp by the _**one**_ girl who is supposed to love you, but you are deadly terrified of, on a daily basis, be my guest!"

"What?" Shinobu asked weakly, not able to believe the crying boy shivering before her.

"If you like to be put at fault for every crime that the town of Tomobiki perpetrates, you are right!"

"How?!", Kenji asked.

"Have you never noticed that Lum cannot be punished for what she has done because she enjoys total political immunity, as I'm sure you _do_ know?"

Everybody listened intently.

"What's political immunity?", an oblivious Inaba asked, not having ever had anything to do with any kind of political issues ever before.

"It means that she can't be held responsible for anything whatsoever! If she were to, Invader would pulverize the place!"

"Now who's Invader?", he asked, yet again oblivious.

"Inaba!", her dad yelled again, "Shut the hell up!"

Inaba shrunk back into his seat.

"But guess who IS held responsible for Lum's exploits!", Ataru continued, still sobbing, "That's right! The little lecher from Tomobiki who saved Earth from being conquered and all of you", he pointed at them all, furious again, "from becoming slaves of aliens who don't care a bit about this mud ball!"

"A... Ataru...", Miki started to calm him down.

"And the thanks I get? As soon as I'm out of school, I'm going to be broke forever and most probably in jail for good, too! PERIOD! And you know what?! If you feel like you aren't supported in your troubles, that no one is there for you anymore, have my parents! They have always wanted _you_ as their daughter anyways!"

He by this time was making Shinobu retreat from him, leaning back in her chair, his upper body following her, both of their bodies trembling. "So! **Say something**!"

"I... I had no idea that..." And they seemed like such nice people when she was there as a kid. 'Or is the one thing the cause of the other?', she quietly thought.

"And now this!", pointing at his arm again, "This is the result of what you get in life if you dare to play along with the rest of the world! I-I...I" After that there were only little peeps of a broken voice, shortly before he collapsed on the floor, curling up into fetal position, wailing.

All of them couldn't help but stare at Ataru, who laid on the floor, his facade completely crumbled, his self exposed. A feeling of serene sadness filled the air, even Kenji took down his sunglasses to get a better look.

Inaba was royally confused at Ataru's problems. The futures for most of the gang looked just fine when he installed them, no point in making such a big fuss about it.

"Ataru-kun," a broken girl's voice quivered barely audible.

Everybody now looked at the girl in the room, who had a tear in her eye, never having expected that this would ever happen to her. Ataru was deadly unhappy and she had ignored it. She got up and knelt down beside him.

"Ataru-kun!", she said with more force in her voice this time, shaking her schoolmate with utmost care. He only answered with yet more sobbing.

"Ataru, come on!", she shouted at him, gripping his good arm, which he then pulled away.

"No! Stay away! My life has gone to hell anyway! I just want to cry!"

Now Shinobu got slightly mad at Ataru, shoving his arm out of his face, but he was faster.

"Shinobu!", he yelled but made his crying fit die down a little, "don't pretend! All my friends hate my guts now!"

She backed away again. This was it. They weren't a couple anymore, alright, but had they actually drifted so far apart over time? For him to think she hates him? Sure she hits him a lot but...

Suddenly a light went up and a view from his perspective of herself hitting him, then flying into the wall and being clobbered on with a desk enters her mind ourt of nowhere.

He had a point. Well, oly thing to do is fix it.

She sat down beside him, taking his good hand in her own, with her other she ruffled his hair, leaning a bit to the front, so that she was hovering over him now.

"Ataru, not everyone hates you. I don't know about Perm and Megane, but you still have me."

At this he seemed to start to relax a bit.

"A-Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. No doubt about it."

He looked at her with those sad eyes. The brown-haired girl actually had never seen such bitterness in him.

'God, Ataru... how did you get so far.'

She gave him her best reassuring smile, saying: 'All will be alright, now', and noticed as his crying now slowly died town, only leaving quivering breaths.

"Shinobu, I can't take it any more." The sincerity in his eyes was making her feel an indescribable horror, that was immediately replaced by more sadness and fear.

"What- what do you mean?"

"I need a break," he told her, his voice hoarse from the loud crying "I need to get away from this madness for a bit."

She released a breath that she didn't know she was holding and put his head on her lap, a low gaze fixed on his face, keeping on straddling his hair. Now that she consciously looked at him for the first time in ages, he was looking as if his facial muscles had collapsed in themselves, making him look really sick, his eyes bloodshot, his hair thin and fragile.

"If you can stand Inaba, you can come to my birthday party next Saturday."

Ataru's eyes shot open, filled with hope. "Really?"

"Yeah, at Mendo's winter gardens. He lent me the place, saying that he would gladly comply if it was for me, or something."

Ataru scoffed a bit at this. "Sounds about right." She chuckled as well, knowing that Mendo wasn't any better with girls than him. She would attest to that. That reminded her.

"And only if you cut your girlhunting down a bit, okay?"

Ataru wanted to say something, but Kenji was faster: "And only if you don't wreck anything."

Ataru sat up and put up a happy face to move his cast a bit.

"I don't think I'm up for either right now!", he smiled at everyone again.

Shinobu looked dumbfounded for a second. Then she looked him in the eyes and sent him a smile that said 'you're not going to fool anyone Ataru!'

As soon as he noticed, he looked away, being internally happy about it, causing as a consequence a reaction of uncomfortableness in both of them.

They stared away from each other in embarrassment.

"Yes, I think it's time for me to go home," he turned to the table again, "Everybody, thank you for your hospitality, Miki-san, your food is as good as ever."

Then he grabbed his jacket from the wardrobe and headed for the door, as the entirety of the Miyake family, plus Inaba, sat in the dining room, dumbfounded by what just happened.

Shinobu was the first to speak, with her typical aggravated expression, as Ataru fought with his Jacket, since it wouldn't stay on on the side of his cast. "I will not discuss any of what just happened right now."

Inaba looked at her very confused. "But you were only helping Ataru in a miserable situation."

Ryota was kneading his palms again, a general annoyance stinging in his head, but before he could shoot another insult at poor Inaba, Ataru was done with the jacket.

"I'm done guys. See you some other time, okay?"

He crossed his gaze with Shinobu again, causing her to look furiously at her steamed salmon, him to suddenly be very sad. This is where Miki engaged herself in the conversation again.

"Yes, goodbye Ataru, dear. No, wait! Ryota, honey, why don't you go drive Ataru home? He sure could use some company!"

Her husband protested. "But I'm not finished with my dinner yet!"

She looked at him as if he was just having dinner with another woman. He got the chills, knowing very well, what his wife is capable of. And that is a lot, considering where Shinobu got her strength from.

"On second thought, Ataru, let's get you in the car, shall we?"

Soon they had both left the house and were on their way back.

"Oh, this is all very interesting! Just what I have needed!", Kenji chirped, still holding his notebook, only to be looked at by Miki and Shinobu with another glare.

"Okay, I'm putting it away!"

'

* * *

'

**You ain't nothin' but a hound dog**  
**Cryin' all the time**  
**You ain't nothin' but a hound dog**  
**Cryin' all the time**  
**Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit**  
**And you ain't no friend of mine!**

'

The older man angrily turned off the device and the silence continued.

Ataru sat in the Miyake family's rusty, green hatchback, nervous as hell. The absence of conversation was killing him.

Shinobu's dad was a man, that Ataru had never really been getting along with, not even when he and his daughter were a thing, since he thought of Ataru as a bad influence, a slacker, a punk. A lecher that was just trying to get to his little girl's underwear (which was at least partly true). But considering what he had just pulled off, and his steely glare on the road ahead, he was sure that the old man had loathed him now.

"Ataru," said boy flinched at that, the silence sliced by his words, "tell me. What do you know about the rabbit boy?"

He for sure hadn't expected _that_. He thought of Inaba and realized that he didn't actually know much about him.

"I don't really know much, sir. He... is somehow a humanoid working as an intern at the Bureau of Destiny or whatever it was called along with... five... I think... more real, giant rabbits and makes futures for people. Since he let us in and we wreaked havoc in there he now has to remake all the futures that got destroyed. Seems like a nice guy though..." 'Phew, saved!', he told himself, noticing that the guy's face had become a bit relaxed.

Mr. Miyake took a right turn onto another road, leading to Ataru's street.

Silence again.

"So, he's a nice guy? Anything else?"

"As far as I can tell no," he had to admit, "just one of the oddities that I seem to be attracting."

No reaction of the man with mustache.

"And he really does seem to make Shinobu happy. That's all that matters in the end, isn't it?"

The older man suddenly became red in his face. He was clutching the steering wheel, so that his knuckles became white, gritting his teeth.

"FUCK!", he screamed at no one in particular, slamming the breaks of his car in the middle of the roadway. Luckily there weren't many cars behind them, since it was already late (and still 1983 when there were considerably less of them around).

"FUCK; FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!", he screamed again, as he hit "Why does she keep making it so hard for me, Ataru!? Why!?"

Ataru was baffled to say the least. "Come again?"

"She only seems to fall in love with boys who are only selfish little brats, who annoy me to no end and never think about the future at all, or rich snoots who just don't give a fuck about her!"

"She could have had it way worse, Mr. Miyake."

Said man was by this time getting the car in gear again. "How in the matter of hell could that have been?"

"Just take a look at me!", he told him, giving his best stupid grin. "She would've never been happy with me either way!"

The driver shot him an incredulous, still annoyed looking stare.

Ataru had to think of something to say, fast, or it would get awkward again. A smile crept upon his face again.

"Or one of these red, blob-like aliens who move by wiggling like a snake and roar all day!"

Suddenly Mr. Miyake pinched his eyes closer together, while slowing down again, his hand getting under his glasses, to put fingers in them. Ataru looked down, having pissed off Ryota yet again.

Suddenly he hears a strange sound coming from the old man. At first he thought that he was coughing on something, but as he listened a little closer, he noticed him laughing!

He was astonished. 'Well, that's never happened before...'

The car turned right, into Ataru's street.

"Ataru, don't look so astonished, " 'Man, he is good.', "and listen to me. You do realize that amongst all thatatatata..." the guy looked, as if his eyes were about to fall out any second. "That is your house, right?"

Ataru turned to see ahead of him again for his house indeed to be there.

"That's normal at this point," Ataru tried to convey to him as nonchalantly as possible, but failed.

The vehicle seized movement in front of the Moroboshi residence, from which a faint light was cast upon it.

"Ataru, there is a giant hole gaping in the wall."

Indeed there was. His room (or what was left of it) usually had four walls, but currently it had temporarily lost one and a half of them. The yellow light from his room was the one lighting them. A portion of the roof, that would normally have been supported by the missing fraction, was lying in the front yard, collapsed, while the rest of it was hanging into the remains of his room dangerously low, broken pieces of wood propped up against the wall here and there. Ten was floating around them.

Ataru sighed.

"I know. If you excuse me, I'm going to take my punishment for that now. Thank you for your hospitality, Mr. Miyake. I very much appreciate it."

Ataru reached for the door handle, as his hand was stopped by a bigger one.

"Kid, listen to me for a minute before you go. Who knows when we'll be able to talk like this again."

Ataru sat back down and the old man drew for air.

"Ataru. We are not the best friends in the world and we both know exactly why," he started generically. "I have told you that your lecherous ways are going to be our doom someday and if you ever dared to cheat on Shinobu for real I would skin you alive."

"Yes, and..."

"Zip! Let me finish! I didn't for three major reasons. Can you guess those?"

Ataru scratched his chin with his hand and pondered for a second, then decided he didn't know and would just play along. "No, fill me in."

"The first is that my wife loves you."

"Really?" He tried to sound surprised, despite having known this for years, and for the first time this evening succeeded in his charade.

"Yes. She absolutely adores you ever since you were a toddler and met Shinobu in preschool. The second thing is that, even though she doesn't want it to be true, she still loves you. Somewhat."

At this he listened up, his eyes now completely open, now fixed on Ryota without a doubt.

"Excuse me? I think I've heard you just say something very... improbable."

Her dad laid his one arm onto the steering wheel and turned to him further with a sigh.

"Her mumbling your name in her sleep and the fact that she only reacts so violently at you tell me the exact opposite. That kind of rage, the one that makes her lift trucks, has so far only occurred if a loved person upset my wife deeply."

"She's probably just traumatized or something. Don't read things into stuff that aren't there."

The old man frowned under his mustache. "Then what about tonight, Ataru. Do you really think that that was all just a coincidence?"

Ataru didn't know what he was supposed to believe and shrugged.

"Who do you think wanted to talk to you so badly, felt so guilty that she pushed for making dinner for you for the entirety of the week to make up for her contributing to your accident, by being mad at you for Lum's parents?"

Ataru waved frantically with his hands, his eyes widening in shock. "No. Just..." he groaned, "Just no. This is all my fault for upsetting Onsen. Tell her that! I'm telling you to tell her that she has nothing to do with this right away as soon as you are back!"

Ryota was taken aback by this. He didn't expect Ataru to be so... demanding? They locked eyes for a brief moment, but deciding that they were embarrassed, they looked away. Silence loomed over them again

After a little while Ataru decided to just flat out ask him about the last question.

"So the third thing?"

Shinobu's dad ran his fingers through his thin hair, sighing.

"The third thing was that you did, but you didn't."

The younger man looked confused at the older one. 'Man, if this evening is going to drag on like this, I'm going to lose it. Again.' The latter, on the other hand, picked up the hint.

"See, Ataru. Even though you won't let Lum go, you never actually even dared to let her close to you when you didn't get beat up first."

Ataru's eyes turned wide again, bulging out of his head. "Now, I've seen the first tag game on TV, my boy. You were shouting at Shinobu, weren't you?"

He looked away absently, but nodded.

"And you tried to go through a whole street blown up by Lum in her UFO, getting struck by lightning, only to grab the wrong wrist, haven't you? Don't try to deny it. It was in front of MY house, alright."

Ataru shrunk in his seat, nodding again.

"And you are still running around trying to figure out a way to get her to loosen the grip she's built up on you. Now tell me boy, and answer me honestly: Do you love Lum Invader?"

Ataru felt mortified. He had been asked this question over and over, but this was different. Firstly, it hadn't been anyone dangerous that asked him the question. Secondly, he wasn't in a condition to attempt an escape. Thirdly, Lum wasn't there, so he could just, just this once, be honest with himself and lastly, and most importantly, this time there was a right answer that he had prepared all week.

"No."

* * *

**Credits**:

_****Shitstorm incoming** Nail all your windows shut!**_

Don't try to kill me, guys!

I just feel like Shinobu would be the only one of Ataru's acquaintances, that would have the decency to look for him in hospital, even if only out of sheer pity, more than love. But this gave me the idea. I have no idea yet, however, how the story's gonna end. Every option is still possible and poor Inaba will keep on staying with us for a while now.

Just, please, give me any idea on how to bring Ryota back, I love the old man!

Is it better to put the songs at the end or at the beginning? Destroys the tension a bit in the middle, doesn't it?

Please review.

* * *

'

**Next time on The Final Straw:**

"Moroboshi!", he ordered, standing on the far side of the bed, which Ataru was currently facing to, while the nurse and the lady killer were watching him in utmost interest.

The poorer of the two boys opened his eyes once again, to look at him and gesture 'Shhhh!', just so that the other two can't see or hear it. Onsen looked at them briefly, then back at Ataru.

He nodded.

"Could you please leave the nurses office for a second? This must be discussed under four ears."

Sakura and Shutaro looked at each other in confusion and left.


	4. The End of the School War

**Replies to the comments:**

Guest: No, probably not. I'm not on that site at all and probably won't upload it there. Sorry, but thank you for your compliment!

Pyeknu: Thank you for he compliment as well. Funny, I hadn't even thought of Ataru being the one that suffers form Stockholm's. Makes sense though...

'

* * *

'

**LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE OFFENDED! I WILL NOT DISCUSS THIS MATTER ANY FURTHER THAN EXPLAINED IN THE AUTHOR'S NOTES!**

**Sorry in advance and thank you for your understanding!**

'

* * *

**'**

**The Final Straw Chapter 4: The Beginning of the Beginning: The End of the School War!  
**

As Ataru opened the front door to his house, said item fell out of its hinges and onto his head, making a loud 'thud', letting everybody know that he was back. The hallway instantly got crowded by angry people. Lum, being the most upset, floated onto him first, a slight smell of ozone in the air around her.

"DAAARLING! How dare you! How dare you get all banged up right before the great Setsubun fight! I should be up on Oniboshi, celebrating right now, but without you we missed a player and lost by default, and now I'm here having to tell you what you did wrong all over again! How..."

"Lum, I don't have the nerve to deal with any more insults or arguments today," he stated, exhausted, "We'll talk about this tomorrow after school, if I have the nerve." He turned to the rest of his family, "As for you guys, I just got out of hospital and would really appreciate it if you put your financial and emotional problems", he seemed to think about something, but quickly decided against saying 'mostly caused by your own incompetence', "behind my well-being at least for a while."

Ten floated up to his face, few millimeters between them. "And why should we?"

Before he was going to be incinerated again, he yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Because I've had a long day and I'm going to bed now." At that he went up the stairs again, very slowly, back hunched, drawing himself up at the railing.

"Now don't put on such an act!", his mother shouted at him, but he didn't bodge, continuing to make his way up to the 1st floor. "Sometimes I don't believe this boy's incredible stupidity!", she turns to her husband, who she sees still sitting in the living room, buried behind the daily paper. "You useless man! OH! Why did we ever have him!" Akio clutched at his newspaper even harder than before. Now seriously annoyed, she turns to Lum and Ten, who had watched this in interest, then the three looked after Ataru, only to see that he was already gone.

'

* * *

'

Ataru laid in the dark on his futon, rolled up in his blanket, on top of that Lum's tiger-fur, shivering. He looked at his alarm clock. Three in the morning. Then he looked out of the giant hole in his room, that's letting in the chilly February air. He sighed.

"Man, I hate my life."

Lum and Ten had long retreated to the tiger-striped UFO hovering outside, a few hundred meters over the house, so that Lum could have an eye on him. This was all their fault! Lum had gotten angry at the backwards Earth doctors over him not being healed fast enough to attend the Setsubun 'war' and blew out the wall, a few days ago. Apparently. Not that she was there to tell the medics in person. She only yelled at _him_ for it.

"What a pointless celebration! Those obnoxious aliens!", he stuttered to himself. And he had missed yet another chance to drive them out of the house!

He shifted in his blanket, another gush of cold air getting under it. He shivered again. Now lying on his side, he thought back to Ryota.

'

* * *

'

"No," he whispered.

The older man's face lit up at that.

"Excellent, then when are you going to break up with her?"

"It's not that easy.", he told him, only for the face to darken some more.

"Then you do love her after all, do you," he grumbled.

Ataru took a deep breath, laying out his words that he had thought about all week.

He gulped heavily and began to sweat. "No, not exactly. She is by far the one of the worst people I have ever met, maybe just before Elle. Yet I think I want to love her with all my heart, but, then again, I can't act willingly when she is around."

Ryota gave him a disbelieving look.

"Mr. Miyake, you have to promise me these things if I should continue," he said sadly, "You have to believe me and you absolutely can't tell what I'm about to share with you to anybody. Ever. Do you get this?"

The little boy beside him was making demands yet again, but he would go to hell if he would abort the mission now. His wife would make sure of that.

"Yes."

"Not even Shinobu."

The light of the Moroboshi house reflected in his glasses coldly.

"What is it?"

"Okay, here it goes." The boy tried to calm himself down again. "Lum is somehow making everybody act weird and do things that they won't normally do. Until now it's just a suspicion, but I can't explain it any differently."

"You are a strange one, Moroboshi," the bigger man told him, looking slightly amused again.

'God, such mood swings!' Ataru thought.

"But if you're asking for me to get back with your daughter, I sadly cannot comply. For one thing Invader would rip my head off clean if I left her for another woman for good. Then on the other hand Shinobu is influenced by Lum, too."

Now it was Ryota's turn to perk up. "In what way are we talking about?"

Ataru looked displeased at the man beside him. He was a psychiatrist, and had rubbed that in so many times as he told him that he was an idiot, dammit and he couldn't even notice his own daughter acting strange? 'Way to go, professional shrink!' he thought and rolled his eyes.

"She is acting desperate and ... well, you just said that she's violent around her", Ataru cleared his throat to get the emphazizing right," 'Lover', but instead she's always violent, at all possible times?"

"No, not at all. I can tell."

"Always," he assures, "except for when she is around Inaba. Perhaps you just don't realize it, but he makes her happy whenever he can. I was just having the exact opposite effect." He looked at Ryota with big eyes, who grew concerned that he might start crying again. "I don't want to mess anyone up any more. For my character I have deserved Lum, who I can never escape, yet never be with, for her incurable wrath that she has at all times. It is a divine punishment that the Gods have laid upon me."

Ataru sighed, unbuckled himself and got out of the car.

Before he closed the door, he turned to his driver once more. "I seriously doubt that we will ever get back together, but tell Miki-san that I want her recipe for the steamed salmon if you can, please."

"But I..." he looked at the teenager in front of him, looking at him in sad seriousness, "Okay, I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you. And for the ride home as well, I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Ataru-kun. Now, please think about what I said earlier about tonight."

Ataru nodded at the man, who nodded back, then the car's door fell shut.

'

* * *

'

Ataru snuggled into his futon even more, put on a sour face and scoffed. "Stupid man. What a joke! Tonight meant nothing at all! I don't think that she will ever like me again." Ataru's anger slowly faded as he thought about Onsen and what he would say tomorrow, along with the rest of the class.

Probably the same that he had heard all the times before. Yes, sounded right.

But now, he had a plan.

Content, Ataru finally drifted away.

'

* * *

'

Everything was brightly illuminated. Ataru squinted at the sheer brightness around him.

"Am I finally dead? Is this the Nirvana?!", he thought aloud.

_"Oh no, Ataru. This is much better!"_, a somehow very familiar voice told him, _"This is the worldly paradise!"_

He couldn't quite make it around whose voice this was, but it spoke again. _"You shall be the one who will lead your world to the everlasting enlightenment. There shall not be a single person on Earth who will not know your name! It shall forever be praised by every human being in the entirety of space until humanoids will go extinct!"_

Ataru saw the androgynous being in front of him and from that point on, he knew that he was in a vision again, a new one this time.

"Now, creators of life, or however you call yourself, why exactly are you here with me? Or the other way round: Why am I here with you? And where exactly is 'here'?"

_"A very wise question my child,"_ the figure said, as the light began to lessen in its intensity, _"You are here because only one person will be able to lead humans into the age of a stage of a galactic power."_

'Now that will surely happen within my lifetime!', Ataru thought sarcastically to himself.

He grew up on Earth, amongst Earthlings with other kids, went to school in Tomobiki, was having a nice, normal (although superhumanly strong) girlfriend and was hoping on a nice normal life (if possible with a multitude of hot women) up until July 3rd 1981, when a tiny monk predicted him doom because of his hideous face.

That was the day he first consciously made contact with alien life and he regretted not listening to Cherry that one damned time. Since then he noticed that his world, which had _literally_ been his entire world, was nothing, had a serious development delay that was somehow not... present in the rest of the universe.

His world was vulnerable, weak and backwards, a blue spec in space and would take, at least in his mind, centuries, if not millennia or longer to catch up to, let's say, Oniboshi, the current galactic power and overlord over most of the milky way, even if provided with the technology from outside.

_"Come with me, Ataru, come with. I will give you all you will need."_

Peculiar.

'

* * *

'

"A... A... Achooo!"

"Be quiet, now, Darling! We're in school!"

Ataru raised a finger and opened his mouth to tell her to shut it, but was not in the mood to argue. His head was killing him again, he was tired, sick and burnt by Ten for ignoring him.

What a way to start the morning.

And not to mention that the past day was still haunting him. Now they had barely even entered school and the oddities were taking over again.

Lum was floating beside him in a cheery mood, having not heard a complaint from him all morning, mostly because he couldn't bear to be electrocuted right now.

Then there were faint shouts of "I'm a chick, dammit!" and "Masako!" followed by a flood wave that wiped most of the hallway clean of both dirt and students.

Next there was the presence of the Stormtroopers about ten feet behind them, thinking that they are not noticed.

Ataru sighed. A normal morning so far.

As they entered the 2-4 homeroom, Mendo and a wet Ryuunosuke had already taken their seats and Onsen-Mark was watching them so nobody would put anything on fire.

"Moroboshi!", he exclaimed upon seeing his two worst students enter, "I see you finally made it back. What is your excuse for your absence this time?"

He wasn't even in the room for ten seconds and Onsen-Mark was already getting on his nerves. This annoyed him even more, so as Lum took her seat on the oh-so-uncomfortable Earth-chair, Ataru stayed still for a second, threw his head back as much as he could, without hurting his ribs, and bowed a tiny bit before the big teacher.

"I am really sorry Mr. Onsen, but as you can perhaps clearly see, I have a broken arm", he wiggled with his cast a bit, "and some cracked ribs, so I was in hospital after a car accident."

Onsen was not impressed in the least, crossed his arms before his chest and gazed down upon his student judgmentally. A few people in class started to murmur as they would not believe that he was actually hurt and not just pretending. A few already figured that this was just another decoy so that he could get away with something. Many were just watching with amusement, expecting another witty comment that never came.

"Well then you should have been able to do your homework with all the free time." He smiled upon his student in a superior way to state that he had won this argument. It was necessary that he was winning this battle, even if it was just this one, to make a point. That is that the war could be won by the teacher.

"Actually I have them right here!", Ataru clarified as he put his school bag on his desk opened it and rummaged trough it for a while.

Then he suddenly got nervous. Then really nervous. Then really, really nervous! 'No. Nonononononononono!', he panicked inside of his head and pulled a grimace and got hastier and hastier.

Lum shook her head at her husband. 'If he keeps on going like this he will never, ever be a proper emperor!'

"Ataru-kun, you were, are and will always stay an idiot."

"Shi-Shinobu!" Shinobu came into the room in a very cheerful mood for a Monday morning. And for her those were like kryptonite, barely worse than Lum is.

"Why are you calling me an idiot?", he asked her in his quiet voice, not having any intentions to talk yesterday over or stir up any bad emotions. But Lum was all awake now, staring holes trough the girl. She noticed but decided not to care.

"Because you left those in my uncle's car." Shinobu with a knowing smile pulled out the sheets that her ex-boyfriend had worked on for the entirety of last week.

"My homework! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"I'll take those, thank you!", Onsen said and took Ataru's homework to correct by himself this afternoon. He needed a good laugh every once in a while too.

"Thank you so much Shinobu!", Ataru kept exclaiming in sheer happiness that he, for once, didn't get detention. Then he wanted to hug her as a thank you, started the movement, but stopped, bent over. Shinobu looked at him with her head cocked in confusion, as he re-erected himself, stood tall about five feet away from her and extended his good arm so that it reached out to her but didn't touch her. It looked as if someone was holding him by the head. Ryu-chan snorted out of the last row, as the rest of the class, as well as the now aware Onsen, watched. Lum's mouth gaped open.

They expected Ataru to get a whacking with a desk or at least a slap in the face, but to everyone's surprise Shinobu stepped closer and gave into the hug. Total panic on their side stepped in when they saw that Ataru just kept his hands still, not trying to grab her butt, nor to unlatch her bra. A slight smell of ozone was in the air, but the lightning never came.

'

* * *

'

The entire class ran out of the door as soon as Sugar, Pepper and Ginger crashed through the window with a Nozorian bear-bat, that stole Lum's Bento. The green-haired girl had groaned, then she sped after them and the bulk of the class after Lum herself.

As the dust cleared the room seemed empty except for him. He didn't even have time to realize what was going on, but the entirety of the student body of 2-4 had yet again escaped.

Onsen sighed. This was not why he had become a teacher. English is, he knew that, not everybody's favorite subject, but this was becoming a nuisance. If this kept going, the whole class was to fail yet another year with flying colors. He sat down at his desk exasperated.

Then there was a wheezing sound. Some student was making fun of him. Again. He got up and stomped out into the hallway, where he expected a few rowdy students to run away snickering. There weren't.

"Heeelp!", a weak voice came out from under a desk that had been toppled over and now was in a heap with four more of them.

Onsen panicked. If there was a student hurt under his supervision, then... He didn't even want to picture that, so he went over to shove the desks away, until he saw parts of a leg with blue trousers and a white shirt. Seemed to have been one of the boys. One more desk and the heap was revealing the reddened, pain-struck face of Ataru Moroboshi.

"What are you doing there, Moroboshi?", the teacher asked, still exhausted.

"Bweeding intso my moth", he answered, signalizing that he hat bitten into his tongue while getting buried.

Onsen helped Ataru to get the last table off him and they both sat down facing each other.

"Soooo, Moroboshi. Here we are alone! Finally!"

"Are you hitting on me?", Ataru snickered.

"MOROBOSHI! What are you up to!"

"What do you mean?", he asked, genuinely confused, "I'm in no condition to be up to anything right now!" He wiggled with his cast again.

"Oh."

"But considering what the last one and a half years have been like, I can see where you're coming from."

Onsen jumped up and took a leap back in surprise. "Say what?", he merely pressed out. After all, at every attempt he had done before in order to straighen out this class, he was ridiculed for not trusting his students by the same boy, that was standing before him.

"Can I talk to you about this?"

"Why do you ask _me _for that?"

Ataru took a deep breath. "I can't tell Sakura-san, because she is part of the problem. You promise to keep it to yourself?"

"I... erm... sure I can... I mean...", Onsen stammered, yet more surprised. Ataru continued anyway.

"Believe me I have considered who I tell this. Sakura is just no good, Hanawa is, though goodhearted, a moron and my parents just wouldn't care."

"Then go ahead, I guess. But I swear, if it's one of your tricks, I'll..."

"No tricks this time, I swear by the Gods!" He took a deep breath again, while Onsen looked at him, torn between skepticism and curiousity. "I have had a lot of time contemplating about everything in my life last week and what led to the accident and, to be really honest with you, I was shocked at how stupid this whole situation is that I'm in right now. Aliens and demons, taking turns on making my life miserable. And then the hordes of frightened girls, fleeing out of the park when I enter. And I decided that I am not going to take part in this game that they play anymore."

Suddenly Onsen-Mark stood upright before the student, his chest pushed forward and his hand on the heart and a Japanese flag appeared in the background, waving heroically in a summer breeze, while the anthem started playing. "So you want to finally abandon your foolishness and incompetence to become an upright, proper Japanese citizen?"

"No, not really."

Onsen-Mark toppled over, the patriotic background disappearing.

"So why did you tell me all of this then!?", he spat at his student, turning off the cassette player.

Ataru retreated in his chair. "No! Don't get me wrong! I want to improve myself! I really want to become a better person! I just don't think that my foolishness is something that I want to loose. But I want to be less senseless."

"Why not?"

He looked at his teacher most honestly. "Because if I would, I wouldn't be Ataru anymore, would I?"

Onsen grumbled. He was right. If he were really going to be more serious, he would have changed his entire personality.

"But I am sick of being called incompetent!" Onsen snapped out of it and noticed a little rage inside of his student's heart. "And also they won't be able to hold me responsible for all the mess that they all make! I mean I just sat there, doing nothing and just look at the place! It's a total mess again!"

The overweight teacher looked around his classroom. All of the desks were displaced and/or broken, same for the chairs, a neon lamp was threatening to fall off the ceiling and the window was shattered (again). A loud 'BANG' came along and shook the building. He sighed.

"Alright, Ataru. I'll give you that."

He looked up at the dreaded Onsen. "You do?"

"Yes. But, why, tell me, Ataru? Why not Sakura? Seriously?"

Ataru set up his stern look and locked his eyes with the ones of the other man. "She is one of them. I know she's hot, but she is one of them!"

"What?!" Everybody knew that Onsen, as well as every other man on this planet, had a weak spot for the black-haired beauty Sakura Sakurambou, but his love to her is unrequited.

"Think about it! She's such a quack! If you look closer at her, she's hurting more students than she takes care of..."

"Now that is your own problem for being such a lecher!"

"Please, Mr. Onsen, let me finish. It's not just me, but every other male student, too! She's violent as hell, and, this may just be a suspicion, but because of her looks, Cherry hasn't been put in jail yet for intruding a school and scaring the students with his butt-ugly close-ups!"

Some kind of realization hit Onsen in the side of his head like a gold bar, wrapped in slices of lemon.

"I-I cant believe it, Moroboshi, but I think you're right! I'm going to have to bring this up at the next teacher's council!"

"Alright!", the boy exclaimed, but winced in pain, as he had tried to raise both his hands to cheer.

"Oh, Moroboshi!", the teacher shook his head again.

Ataru sat there for a few moment, just holding his arm, as his nose started dripping. He tried to sniff it back up again, but failed to. Then he started to make snorting noises, pulling faces, and holding a finger under his nose to stop him from sneezing.

"Young man, your first lesson in civilized behavior will be to learn that you can ask for things if you need them and how to do so," an aggravated Onsen said, holding a tissue out to him.

"Can you please give me the tissue?", a tired Ataru said, looking up to the bigger man pleadingly, who gladly did.

The two exchanged a half-way relaxed look for the first time in two years. Then a few moments passed.

'This is getting to be really boring,' the teacher finally concluded the scene.

He cleared his throat. "Well then, Mr. Moroboshi. What are you going to do in those free lessons, now that you have decided to abandon the abnormalities?"

Ataru thought for a moment, then his eyes shone brightly and a little smile formed on his face, only to sink into thoughts again for another two minutes.

"How, apo-ut teking Enrish ressons or so.", he tried to tell Onsen in English.

Mr. Onsen gave him a small smile too. "We'rr have to wuork at that pronunciation of yours, then."

"But one more thing," the student said to his teacher, again in Japanese, "can we not only do English? You're pretty much the only one left who'll teach in 2-4, so I'd really appreciate it if we did maths and physics and biology and chemistry and so on, too!"

"So you basically want me as your private teacher?", he asked amused.

"If it's for free! Plus I've got to actually start working for school if I want to pass this year." Ataru gave him his dumbest smile and Mr. Onsen laughed as there was nothing to disagree about, even if there was a shit-ton of work waiting for him in this boy. But at least he was _**there!**_

The last draws of breath in the 'War of the Class of Failure' had begun, as a terrible tension seemed to leave every student in Tomobiki High School.

'

* * *

'

We don't need no education,

We don't need no thought control!

No dark sarcasm in the classroom!

Teachers leave them kids alone.

Hey, teachers, leave them kids alone!

All in all it's just another brick in the wall!

All in all you're just another brick in the wall!

'

* * *

'

Wednesday, 9th of February, 1983, Tomobiki. In the 3cm deep, melting snow, that had fallen yesterday night, the students could see the cold that winter has brought upon them reaching into spring. The joke about this is: That was just what their principal had in his mind too, as he told them that they shall be hardened against the cold by doing the lesson outside today.

"What utter nonsense the authority seems to be inflicting upon the small working class citizens, that must bear the pain! In in summer when the sun is burning on our skulls, or in the depth of winter when we freeze our delicate bodies in the depth of the frozen liquid from the sky! The regime! The regime doesn't notice our suffering, not notice the pain and death that..."

"Shut up, Megane, please!", Ataru grumbled, as he tried to get out of his shirt. "If you want to help those who can't help themselves, please help me to get out of this stupid uniform and into my sports clothing!"

"Ataru, do you not care for the troubles of the world anymore? Are you saying that..." The Stormtroopers gathered round.

"I am saying that I need help and that my flu has gotten me a headache again. If any of you would care to do that, I would be much obliged."

Mendo was blinking a few times. 'Was he just nearly... polite about something?' He shook his head. It couldn't be. That was Ataru, that they were talking about.

"Hey, Mendo! Snap out of it!", he told him while snapping his fingers in front of the trillionaire's head. (5trl Yen = roughly 44 billion USD in 1983). "We're going outside."

"I know, you invalid buffoon! Just be patient, will you, now!", he snapped back.

"That's more like it!", Ataru beamed at him.

Ten minutes later the boys had finished their warmup exercises and were gathering at the beginning of the running circuit.

"All right now," a man with light blonde hair and muscular body told them, while smoking a cigarette. "Today we will do an extreme endurance race." Everybody groaned. "Don't be mad at me, it was the school board's idea. So you will all be running for 15 minutes straight, and that boy, who will have the most rounds, wins!" Muttering from the appalled student body. The teacher smiled. "The person who wins, will get a prize, the person who comes last will have to stay longer to study."

"Keep your lousy prizes for yourself!", a short boy with street-dog-blonde hair shouted.

There was a movement in the air to be heard fluttering around them. "The great prize will be..." A girl in a tight tank-top and shapely stockings under jogging shorts touched down gently in the snow.

"... a kiss from Lum Invader, who has volunteered to-!"

Multiple shouts. Ataru suddenly found himself out of the center of the crowd, standing all alone, where nobody would care to see him, as his comrades had gathered themselves at the starting line, scrambling to get in front.

'Morons.' he told himself and slowly slandered to the starting line, where Lum came crashing into him.

"Daaaariiing! Please win this for me, will ya'? I don't want to kiss any of the other guys, daccha!"

Ataru rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Then you shouldn't have volunteered for this!"

"But I want to kiss you!", Lum complained, her temper showing.

Ataru suddenly felt a wave of pressure wash over him, unable to escape. "No, I mean seriously! What are you thinking when agreeing to such nonsense!"

She sparked up. "DAAAAAR'ING! It's either winning the race or shock therapy!"

Ataru sighed and rubbed his temples. For the first half of the week, he had successfully evaded Lum's shocks in simply not responding to her anger and the weirdness around him, but she was quickly growing annoyed by this, as it seemed.

"Fine, I'll take part. But not for your kiss! Keep that to yourself!"

"DAR'ING!", she spat, the blue glow intensifying.

"I'm sick, you see!", he spat back, coming up with yet another excuse, "You'll get a cold too!"

"I'm not able to catch an Earth cold and you know that!"

"How would you-"

"3... 2... 1... GO!" the teacher screamed and the mass of boys scrambled away.

Lum pushed her husband a good bit forward, so that he fell over, rolled past everyone in a sort of wheel and got back to his feet. "Go, Darling, GO!"

Megane sprinted to the front, whacking him in the face, sending him back to the middle of the field again. "You dirty, lecherous bastard! Have you no sense of comradery!"

"Screw you, Satoshi!", he shot back and tried to keep on running, every step pounding in his head, taking a toll on his lungs. After a three minutes the sickly Ataru had fallen all the way to the back of the pack.

"C'mon, Darling! You can do better than that! Are you a man or a little kid!"

"You know, Lum, you're not going to do any good that way!"

Lum turned around to see Shinobu and Ryuu-chan to have appeared next to her out of thin air.

"Oh, what's it to you, what I do to cheer Darling on!"

"You just used to do better, is all!", Shinobu said neutrally, looking at the scene in front of them.

"You keep out of Darling's and my relationship! What do you know, anyway!", Lum complained to her, baring her fangs. The two other girls didn't bodge. 'If you only knew what I know, Lum!'

Meanwhile Ataru's sides began stinging while he wheezed like an old man, as he fell back even further, despite his best efforts, when Perm came running from behind.

"'Wheeze, wheeze' Hey Pal! 'Wheeze' How's it 'cough' How's it going?"

The taller of the two students, who had sprinted past slowed down again with a concerned look.

"Ataru, your face is red."

"Yeah? 'wheeze' so what about it? 'whee-cough'"

Confusion added itself to the concern. "Are _you_ alright, man? You don't sound too well."

"Lum's going to shock me, isn't she?"

"What? Dude, you're talking weird stuff."

"I'm just fine, Mendo. I can clearly... 'wheeeeeeeze'"

"I heard that!", an irritable heir screamed from the back.

"Look. Just go make a visit to Sakura-sensei so you can go home. You _are _actually sick this time, so she can't..."

"I don't need an 'wheeze' exorcism I need a... Stop 'achooo' spinning when I'm talking to you, 'wheeze' Ryuu-chan!"

"I'm over here, pervert!", the girl shouted at him while the other two girls were facing each other in a staring contest.

"But I didn't 'wheeze' do any … ambulance!", he said as he began to slow from tumbling around.

"Ataru! Talk to me!" he said, trying to get both to a halt. Ataru didn't stop though, stumbling further. "What is wrong with you!"

"Doctor...", he coughed as he sailed to the ground.

'

* * *

'

"Purify! Exorcise! Purify! Exorcise!"

'They didn't.' Ataru thought as he dropped into consciousness to the all too familiar chant of the sorceress that was practicing her quack at his school. 'I don't believe it.' Sigh. 'If I annoy her enough, she might give up.'

He batted his eyes open and turned to her. "Hello, Sakura-san!", he yelled at her in his best idiotic voice, stretching his good arm out towards her. It's only been half a week since he got out of hospital and his other arm already started to feel a lot better than before.

"You ungrateful abomination! Have you no sense of decency! What is wrong with you!", she yelled at the boy, hitting his head with a mallet. His arm was also itching.

"I think I need to scratch my wrist, but other than that I'm good."

"You will not ever be 'good'. Not in your mind nor at anything else!" Ataru had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Anyway. Why are you exorcising me this this time, pretty nurse?", he asked slyly, only to receive yet another one onto his head.

"We believe that you are victim to a sick-ghost again, only that this time it makes you become ill more easily than before. There can be no other explanation to this!"

"Wait, we?"

A wallowing green mass suddenly enveloped his head. "DAAARLING! I'm so happy that you're better now!" A lightning strike of happiness was unleashed upon him. Suddenly she drew back to get a serious look on her face. "Don't leave me hangin' ever again! I almost had to kiss Chibi, if you hadn't collapsed in upon yourself!"

Ataru got annoyed again very quickly. "That was hardly my fault, was it!"

"Yes it was!", she protested.

"Like hell!", he countered, but that seemed to make her even more mad.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" An even harder electric shock sizzled through the air, leaving Ataru twitching and burned, almost fainted lying on his bed.

"Proving my point," Sakura added unimpressed.

Ataru decided to close his eyes and shut his head off. Why should he worry about this? Perhaps he could fall asleep again, so he turned away and snuggled into the thin blanket.

'

* * *

'

With a "Moroboshi?!" a confused Mark Onsen, along with a rich heir, entered shortly after Lum left.

"What's up with him?", the boy asked and looked over the sleeping lecher.

"I wouldn't. He's up to something again today. Has been acting weird this whole morning."

"What do you think?", Mendo asked again, while Onsen walked over to the other student.

"I have no Idea, really. He hasn't been reacting to anything over the past hour. He has no demons inside of him, no devices controlling him and no deals with anyone, otherwise they would've appeared if the normal pattern is applying. Plus he ignored both Lum _and_ me. Even uncle Cherry hasn't been able to stir anything within him, not even with a close-up!"

The two visitors suddenly noticed Cherry, who sat in the back of the room, cooking a stew. Onsen face-palmed and decided that he would take care of this himself.

"Moroboshi!", he ordered, standing on the far side of the bed, which Ataru was currently facing to, while the nurse and the lady killer were watching him in utmost interest.

The poorer of the two boys opened his eyes once again, to look at him and gesture 'Shhhh!', just so that the other two can't see or hear it. Onsen looked at them briefly, then back at Ataru.

He nodded.

"Could you please leave the nurses office for a second? This must be discussed under four ears."

Sakura and Shutaro looked at each other in confusion and left.

Onsen sat down on the other bed.

"I told you that doing sports with that condition of yours was a bad idea, you know."

"Yes, probably. I also didn't want to take this seriously, but then Lum made an offering to the sports teacher and threatened to shock me if I didn't win."

"So?"

"She shocked my anyway."

"'tis fate!"

The next moment the door to the nurses office opened, Onsen jettisoning a small monk outside.

He sat back down giving a disturbed chuckle.

"This really is idiotic, you know kid."

"I know! This is stupid."

Ataru tried to get up, but stopped after bringing himself up no more than 30cm and immediately laid back down. "ow, ow, owowowowowowow! My stupid head!", he silently cursed.

The teacher looked at this scene and shook his head.

"Well, the next few days are going to be boring again. It's been nice to really, actually teach a student a few things."

"Wha-what do you mean?" Ataru tried to turn back to his sensei, who had already started his journey to the nurse's desk, as fast as his head would allow.

"You are not to return to school before Saturday. It is useless for you to come here until you got your flu sorted out", he stated and wrote something down.

"Here."

He helped Ataru up onto shaky feet and to walk until the door.

'

* * *

'

Outside, both Mendo and Sakura were trying to eavesdrop.

"Do you hear anything?"

'

* * *

'

"Now, remember what we've said before?"

"Yes."

He let go of Onsen, who opened the door.

'

* * *

'

"No, Ms. Sakura. It is very odd for both of them not to yell."

"I a-"

The door opened and the faces of both the spies were now digging into the teacher's belly, which's owner became red.

"I am very honored that both of you adore my figure that much, but this is no time to be fooling around. Mr. Moroboshi has caught a virus in hospital and will not be here for the next two days."

Ataru clung to the nurse in response. "But the BABES!" He stuck his lips out to her, which she countered with a right hook. "Didn't you hear him! Go AWAY!", sending him down the hallway into the lockers.

"Didn't I just...!" Mark scoffed and looked away in irritation. "Mr. Mendo. I will make it your responsibility that he will arrive at home safely, understood?"

"But why me!? I haven't done a thing!"

"Because you need a punishment for eavesdropping. Plus _you _were the one who wanted to go to the nurses' office so badly!" He looked from him to Sakura and back with narrowed eyes. "So you need to do your part as well!"

Meanwhile Ataru was stumbling back towards them and fell around Mendo's neck. "C'mon, let's dump this place!", he laughed into the heir's ear, sending shivers through his spine, which on the other hand caused him to draw his beloved Katana.

"Mendo! No weapons on school grounds! How often do I have to tell you that!"

"I refuse to..."

Sakura put a bucket onto his head, and he ran off through the front door, screaming: "AAHHH! It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!" with an Ataru flying on his neck.

Lum floated back in through the window of the hallway. "Where's Darling? I've got medicine from my world for him, so he'll be better in no time, daccha!" She held up a bottle with a purple shade of glass and a dark liquid.

"Mendo is getting him home. You just missed them, in fact!"

Lum looked at the entrance very confused, while her teacher was way more interested in the bottle that she was holding.

"Ms. Lum! No alien oddities on school grounds anymore! I thought you knew this!"

"But I'm floating above the ground, daccha!"

Onsen toppled over, but got right back up again and snatched the bottle from her hand. "You know very well how that was meant, Ms. Lum! And now go back to class!"

"No, it's more helpful and interesting if I get a good doctor from Oniboshi. If I'm going to do do nothing he will take ages to recover, daccha! Bye!"

Onsen stood alone in the hallway with Sakura again. "... and off she flew!", he muttered to himself.

"Now," the nurse addressed him again, "why did you take away the medicine?" Both of them were not noticing that Cherry was still there and walking in between both of them. "We could've given it to him and end this story now!"

"Lemme see!", the old monk demanded and snatched the medicine out of his hand.

"What the...?", he turned back to her. "Ms. Sakura, I have a bad feeling about this... alien potion..."

Cherry took a few drops out of it with a pipette and poured them onto the floor.

"Don't be ridiculous. There is nothing going to happen if he doesn't interfere!"

"It's evil spirit's work! Very conspicuous!", Cherry said, bringing the attention back to him.

"What is it?" Sakura asked, to see her uncle pointing to the floor, where a little, black lump was trying to eat it's way through a floor tile.

Onsen took a step back. "You let it out, now it's your responsibility!"

"But..." He was already gone.

She stared at the hallway for a second, then knelt down to face her uncle, who was trying to scrape the little something into a jar with a butter knife.

"Did he seem to be any weirder to you than normal?", he commented, unfazed by the situation.

'

* * *

**Author's notes:**

Don't. Kill. Me. Pls. I just couldn't resist mocking that speech at least a bit, but I just feel the same way about it as Ataru said it.

Yes, I decided to have Onsen be a bit friendlier. After all, he was only mad because the students wouldn't be taught for all the money in the world. So I'd say, that he actually would be the friend of anyone, who would comply. Teachers are only people as well, am I right?

And yes, I'd like to hear your opinion.

'

* * *

**Next time on a double-feature of The Final Straw:**

Ataru irritatedly plugged his ears shut again and turned back to his studies.

"Man, what's with him?", the girl asked the toddler.

"I don't know, he's been sick and grumpy forever, but this week he was even sicker and grumpier."

"Hmmm." She closed in around his face in various positions, until meeting another glare. "Seems to me he's angry about something. Any idea what?"

Ten put his finger on his chin, brooding, until a girl, body and hair wrapped into a towel, came floating into the room and shrieked in ecstasy. Ataru banged his head onto his papers.

"Benten! Oh, it's been forever!"

"Correct me if I'm mistaken, but hasn't it been just last week?", the older boy grumbled, still not turning around.

"Seriously what is it with him these days? Does really spoil the mood, doesn't it?"

"Nah, don't mind him! He's just a bit moody, daccha!"

He glared at her over his shoulder.


	5. Party for the Consciousness

**'**

**Big Easter Special!**

**'**

* * *

**Replies:**

Pyeknu: to #2; Yes, you gave me an idea...

. . . . . . . to #3; I don't see him do that, especially since his mom would be too stubborn to admit (or see) her own fault.

Guest: Thanks! As you will see in this week's 2nd part...

'

* * *

**'**

**Chapter five: A week of revelations: Saturday – Party for the consciousness**

With a thunderous noise the teenager shot through the sky on her bike, doing slalom between phone masts, irritating pilots, breaking the windows of some meaningless corporate skyscrapers with the sonic blast and generally annoying the people that were stuck in traffic below her on their way home to Nerima, wishing they weren't, before coming to a halt before the balcony of a house on 4th street, which seemed to have a new paint job on one corner of the first floor.

Ataru didn't seem to notice any of it.

"Yo, Lamebrain", she pushed open his window, "where's Lum?"

No reaction. He just sat there on his desk, staring at the piece of paper before him.

"Hello? I'm talking to you?!"

No reaction.

Benten may have been a Goddess of Luck, but was known all through the quadrant to have a very short temper. By most she was feared for it. Ataru had never cared, even before. This deprivation of respect caused her to stomp over to said boy and scream into his right ear with all that her voice would allow. "ANSWER ME, YOU MORON!"

Ataru shot up, hit his knee on the desktop and fell back onto his chair and the chair sailed, with him on it, to the floor. He righted himself up again, then the chair, then he took one of his earplugs out and glared at the princess before him.

"What's wrong with you? Can't you come through the door like normal people?"

"That _is_ a door, you retard!"

"The _front door_, Benten! And who are you calling a retard, you spiteful, little choleric?"

"Well, _I__'m_ not the one who actually has to study for school."

"Well, that explains a lot of things."

Benten raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Ataru sighed and sat back down at the desk.

"Forget it. Lum's in the shower and I don't have the nerve nor the time for games today."

"Benten!", Lum's cousin shouted when he saw her in the room and swam over.

"Aw, hello Ten-chan! How are you?..."

Ataru, now even more irritated, plugged his ears shut again and turned back to his studies.

"Man, what's with him?", the girl asked the toddler.

"I don't know, he's been sick and grumpy forever, but this week he was even sicker and grumpier."

"Hmmm." She closed in around his face in various positions, until meeting another glare. "Seems to me he's angry about something. Any idea what?"

Ten put his finger on his chin, brooding, until a girl, body and hair wrapped into a towel, came floating into the room and shrieked in ecstasy. Ataru banged his head onto his papers.

"Benten! Oh, it's been forever!"

"Correct me if I'm mistaken, but hasn't it been just last week?", the older boy grumbled, still not turning around.

"Seriously what is it with him these days? Does really spoil the mood, doesn't it?"

"Nah, don't mind him! He's just a bit moody, daccha!" He glared at her over his shoulder.

"So, you ready to go?"

Lum dropped her towels, revealing her usual bikini.

"Almost. I only need a pretty dress for tonight and my hair isn't done yet, daccha!"

Ataru had found the least bit of interest in the conversation and turned to face them properly now.

"Wher're you going?"

The girls looked at each other. "Oh, nothing much, Benten's throwing a party for a few people we used to hang out with. Space royalty and stuff. Probably gonna be boring. Can you watch Ten for me tonight?"

"I'm out tonight, myself, as I've told you a dozen times this week, so I can't!"

"And I shocked you a dozen times for it. You watch Ten!"

"Hey! Don't treat me like I am some kind of rotten food!", said little Alien interluded.

Ataru turned to the kid. "I don't intend to be aflame tonight, so I would appreciate it if you could stay with my parents, okay?"

"Are you trying to lay me off? Forget it, jerk!" And so Ten spit fire towards Ataru, who only managed to dodge most of it.

Seconds later Ten was swatted out into the hallway with an accompanying shout of "Damn you, you little firebug!"

"So. He's going to watch himself, or you ask mom. Or perhaps Cherry, I dunno."

Lum puffed her cheeks and stomped on the floor.

"DAAAAARLING! Can't you even do this one thing for me!"

"I have been looking forward to this for an eternity, Lum!"

"So have I! I am going and you are doing what I tell you for once! That's the end of it! C'mon, Benten, we're going!"

With a 'hmpf!' Lum left the room and floated into the sky.

Benten followed her, but stopped on the balcony and turned around. "You know, Ataru, I don't know what happened, but I think you should get back to normal. Lum doesn't seem to like this state you're in, man."

Silence once again beagain to flow between them like thick soup, as Ataru slumped back on his chair, looking at her wearily. Benten looked back annoyed and turned around, rolling her eyes. The banging of an airbike grew quieter as she followed Lum into her UFO.

The boy's posture slumped, as took a deep breath. "_I_ am currently the only one who behaves anything close to** normal** around here!", he muttered to an empty room, and tried to regain focus on his assignment.

'

* * *

'

"Young Master!", Kenji concernedly hurried into the room.

"What is it, I don't have much time today. I need to get ready for Ms. Shinobu's birthday celebration tonight," Shutaro answered distracted, as he put on his favorite tie.

"I have received information concerning Mr. Moroboshi on tonight."

Mendo now lent his attention to the agent.

"I will hear it."

"Well, how to put this..."

"Yes? Come on, my time is precious!"

"... he's actually invited this time."

The young man gave a yank to his tie and almost choked from it.

"WHAT!", he croaked, "Bring me a phone, ASAP!"

And so a telephone, including cable, receiver and horn, was carried into the room by a butler and a waiting boy almost ripped the whole thing apart when taking off the receiver and dialed on the … dial. Where did they get their communication devices from, anyway? An antique store?

"Hi," opened a little voice after about ten seconds of ringing, "This is Ten. Who's there?"

"It's me," he told the child, "Mendo Shutaro! Where's the bastard?"

"You probably mean Ataru, right? He's upstairs, having an argument with Benten about what I'm going to do tonight or something and the Idiot doesn't want to have me."

"... So the rumors are true then," he mumbled wide-eyed, "Can you please get him onto the phone?"

"Sure. Wait a sec."

Ten screamed after an idiot, then there was some indistinct mumbling in the background before the teen came to the receiver.

"_Yo, Mendo, What's up_?", he greeted as coolly as possible.

Mendo was royally confused.

"Did **you** just speak English?"

"Yes, I just read the sentence. Listen man, I'm studying now, so if you don't mind, I haven't got all day; my time is precious, too, you know?" Mendo looked up to the heavens, cursing that divine being that was laughing somewhere.

"Er.. yes. Ehm, What did I want again?", he stumbled across his thoughts, now completely out of the flow.

"I still have to get a shower before the party later, and it's going to take forever with the darned cast, so will you just hurry up, already?"

Now this side of Ataru he could deal with. Easily.

"So it is true that your ghastly presence will spoil the party of the fair maiden Shinobu-san?"

A sigh came from the other end of the line. "As far as I'm concerned, I'm coming. I just have to get mom to look after Ten for the evening."

"Then what drugs have you put the fair Lady under in order to..."

"I haven't drugged anything, you twit. If you just called to insult me, I'm hanging up now."

"LIES! How do you even conceive of..."

"See ya later, Shu-chan. Hopefully you are in a better mood by eight. Bye!"

And before anything else could happen or be said, a long beep–noise came from the telephone, which Shutaro looked into slightly peeved.

In the other building meanwhile Ataru was already arguing with his mom, who was telling him not to be so sloppy as to go to parties. The fight ended with her having to deal with the little firecracker all by herself. "We should have never had him," she ruefully templated yet again.

'

* * *

'

The Mendo Estate was tidied up and illuminated in the most precious colors and shapes as the guard personally picked up Ataru in a VW type 181 Kübelwagen and drove him to the designated assembly place, so he wouldn't wreak any havoc while out of sight. Himself, he would have preferred any _closed _vehicle to this, but, hey, at least he didn't have to walk, right? Still, it was frickin' cold.

As the lights flashed by he supported his head on his good arm, and that on the window frame, as he had the present, nicely wrapped, with bow tie and everything, under his cast. He shuddered, as his head got hit by a falling raindrop, greetings from the trees, he supposed.

"Argh! It's in my neck!"

"Well, what doesn't kill you...", Kenji stated amused.

"Makes you sick again. Why exactly couldn't the guy upgrade to anything better? Or at least put the top back on? I mean that's what they built it for..."

"Budget cuts. Too many private fights strain the Mendo Private Army's resources too much. You probably did change the security network for the better though."

Ataru snorted. "Yeah, right. Fits the damned snob."

Kenji chuckled back at that. "You should have seen his face, when I told him you're coming. It was worth it to wait until the last minute!"

They both had a ful out laugh laugh at that, as the car pulled in front of the main ceremony hall, where a grim looking Mendo in, today, a light blue suit with white only on the collar and the sleeves and a black shirt, leaned on his sword, along with more soldiers, was awaiting him.

"Hello, Moroboshi! I greet you to your inevitable …"

"Are you being serious?", the brown-haired boy deadpanned, as he got off the car. "Is this any way to treat your guests?! How the hell has your company not gone bust yet?"

"You!", the ever-present katana was pointed at his face are not one of my esteemed guests. "The order is not to give you any food, beverages, no comfort in any..." Then they all tried to look as unsuspicious as possible, even the soldiers, as there was the sound of a door being flung open.

"Ataru-kun! You finally made it!", a girls voice shouted, as the body belonging to that voice gave the boy a good hug and Mendo looked dumbfounded, for the second time this day. It was just not …

"Hey Shinobu-chan! I know I already congratulated you this morning, but still, again! Happy birthday!"

"Still, again! Thank you, Ataru!"

"… -kun."

She looked at him like he made the worst joke in the history of the world, which was so lame that it became funny again.

"You wanted to use affixes. If you insist, so do I," he told her with a small vicious smile and handed her her present.

"Thank you very much, Ataru-_kun_. I appreciate it a lot."

"Sure, no big deal."

"Yes it is, considering that, special ... bottleneck in your family's income."

He looked at her, not impressed, as Mendo tried to assess the words she just said.

"Wait, what does..."

"Okay, maybe it wasn't the best choice of words, but still!", she nervously added, effectively cutting him off.

A figure in a special black rabbit costume with a small clock embroidered on the sleeve and a bigger one in more decent colors emblazoned onto the stomach. "Hey, Ataru."

"Hi Inaba. How'ya doin'?"

"Ah, the usual. Lots of work, the Big Rabbit on my tail, same old, same old. And you?"

"Arm's still broken. But on the upside..."

"Come on, you two! It's cold outside! Let's get you a drink!"

Mendo somehow felt ignored.

'

* * *

'

_**There's a party going on right here,  
A celebration to last throughout the year.  
So bring your good times,  
Bring your laughter too,  
We're gonna help you celebrate this party with you!**_

_**'Cmon, now! Celebration!**_

_Screech!_

As he stepped into the room, the music stopped, everyone suddenly quieted down and stared at him. He felt more than just slightly uncomfortable, as the visions of everyone in one way or another burnt on his skin. The girls all had an indescribable terror on their faces and slowly retreated into the opposite corner, as the guys all looked murderous, advancing towards him.

"I want to inform all of you that Ataru-kun is actually invited and wanted at this very party for his own presence, as he will not only not girl-hunt tonight, but also try not to wreck stuff. So please feel free not to avoid him."

Ataru blushed in all colors of red as the whole room, about forty-five people, most of them from the present and last year's classes 2-4, looked at him completely without concept.

"Okay," stated Inaba and the whole room tripped.

After that normal protocol resumed, while the three made their way to the buffet.

"Cool, Mendo sponsored roast chicken?"

"Awesome, bole!", the currently not most lecherous, but most thirsty guy in the room poured himself some.

Then the most gluttonous man in the world picked up the whole table and all the food slid into his mouth. The trays were spit out again, clean, and stapled.

Ataru looked at him, displeased. 'Aw, man! And I thought this was gonna be normal, for once!'

Still holding the plastic cup in his hand he turned to the festive rabbit and the girl in a beautiful light orange dress. He slid his eyes up and down, noticing the little ornaments and roses of cloth on the shoulder straps or the...

He pretended not to look and took a sip. "Does this taste kinda funny?"

'

* * *

**Author's note:**

I know that this chapter is a bit short, but it feels better to divide it up for later. After all, plot, you know.

And for those of you who have been waiting for some actual drama: The next chapter will (perhaps) be more to your liking.

'

* * *

**Next time on The Final Straw:**

Minutes later everyone had taken their place at the table and the shoes were still there. But the attention was on the only child of the family.

"Dear family members, fiances and others," he began rather eloquently, "today is gonna be the day that things around here are going to change."

Everybody looked at the teenager silently. Some more angered by this statement than others. Even the newspaper was removed by now.

"Who gave you the right to have a say about us?", his mother continued in her previous rage.

"Exactly, Darling. Don't always be so disrespecting!"

"But I have things to announce about our relationship that everybody needs to hear."


	6. The End of the Darling

**'**

**You've all waited for it and it's here now: The first standoff!**

**'**

* * *

**The Final Straw, chapter 6: A week of ... Sunday - The End of the "Darling"**

'

„WAKE UUUUUUUUUUP!", a strained voice shouted into his right ear at point blank distance.

He got up, a mayor pain shooting through his skull, again, and a certain dizziness forcing him right down again.

"What was that about!", he groaned into the direction from which the guy could vaguely make out the four-colored origin of the scream with light hurting in his eyes.

"What's with you?", the kid requested to know.

His mother stepped into sight and immediately started to nag. "He's an Idiot, that's what!"

"One minute, mom! Don't shout, please? What is you guys' problem anyway!?"

Ten pointed at the TV stand. "You've slept in the middle of the living room."

Looking around him he noticed it, too. He knew that something was off!

"Uhm, sorry?", he asked sheepishly and tried to get up onto his feet (and failed), his hangover becoming apparent.

'

* * *

'

His mom gave him a lecture on responsibility, while his father for once laid down his newspaper and headed out for the market.

Fifteen minutes later he had made it up the staircase and barely into his room to try to pull out his futon and get another wink of sleep. There was one more thing to be reckoned with, however, that would spoil his plan of doing so.

"I don't understand what you have done to piss her off, but it sure was funny as hell!", Ten laughed, as Ataru laid down his pillow and his head on top.

"Well, let's put it like this, Jariten: If you ever get served a drink that tastes funny, someone's spiked it. Especially with you being royalty and all," came the groggy answer.

"What's that supposed to mean?", Ten now asked curiously.

The older one chuckled. "Let your mom tell you when you are old enough for that kind of worries. Can you please be a good boy and close the shades for me, please? I'm still a bit tired."

"Why should I?"

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with cher-" he stopped himself as the vision of a small monk bathing in ice-cream came to his mind, letting him get sick now as well, "sprinkles on top?"

Ten pouted and crossed his arms, as he looked at him stubbornly.

"Fine."

"Yay! Thanks!", Ataru told him, closed his eyes and laid back onto his pillow, smiling.

'

* * *

'

He was, about an hour later and in a much better state of mind and body, once again awakened.

The blinds were, most ominously, as the little priest would say, moved, clattering outside. This was really getting old by now. Ataru looked at the equally surprised Ten, who shot up as well, floated into the opposite direction from the threat and decided to hide behind the big idiot, since he knew from personal experience, that he was a good shield from danger. The rattling continues nonetheless.

Ataru decided to grab a mallet out of thin air and slowly moved towards his window to open up the blinds gain, careful to not be noticed. With all of his force he pulled them up into their housing and got ready to push for the thief and whack him, until he noticed, that the thief had no contact with the balcony.

"Heh," he gave a short chuckle, and opened up the blinds and then the door fully. "It's just you. Come on in."

"What?" Lum demanded a bit harsher than she had intended to.

"Well, if I would have known that we wouldn't have had to be all worked up about it."

"What's that supposed to mean? You should always be in anticipation of your wife if she is out!"

Ataru stared at her for a second, searching for an answer.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Where have you been last night, Darling?", she demanded, this time exactly as harshly as intended.

He noticed it at this point. Ten that is. Something about his elder cousin wasn't quite right this morning, too. He just couldn't quite put his finger on it though.

"Well, what have you been up to?" she dug further.

He scratched his head for a second in thought, until he took his arm down again and straightened his spine with a resolute expression. Lum looked at him with a mix of skepticism and annoyance. 'Figures he'd do that.', she thought, until his gaze met hers. Then he changed his hand and continued, only to deflate a minute later. "I honestly can't remember."

Now lying face-first on the floor, her hair was spread out to all sides around her. Then the kid floated next to his earthling cousin-in-law and both looked at her, as the sparks started dancing.

"Something's off with her today, but I can't seem to figure out what," the toddler told him.

"Hm," he said, as he took a closer look. Now that Ten said it, Lum was a little off today as well, even her sense of gravity. Her hair wasn't in it's ever-present state of shining, green, untangleable perfectness, but rather messy, sticky and generally all over the place.

Ataru looked even closer. She wore her tiger-striped close-cut dress with a very, _very_ low-cut cleavage and a very, _very_ high cut … cut at the side of her dress, almost until her bikini bottom. Her _real_ high heels, not even her regular tiger-striped boots, were standing on the balcony. Her face was currently hidden, but she did wear the mascara and lipstick from the night _before_, didn't she? But that wasn't the most striking thing about her, that _did_ indicate, that she had a wilder night than he did, most precisely. Probably. If he could remember. 'Damn that stupid punch!', he thought regretful, as a slight jolt went through his stomach, and squatted beside Lum.

"See, Lum, I think we need to talk."

She looked up from the carpet and faced him confusedly. "Talk? About what."

"I am, for some unknown reason, very upset with you today. So I need to set a few things straight today."

"Fine, but let me get..."

"Now.", he stated with his 'no-shit-now-I'm-absultely-fucking-serious'-face. And started dragging both of his personal aliens downstairs.

'

* * *

'

Back in the Living room, Mr. Moroboshi was staring over his newspaper at the pair of muddy sneakers that were currently standing where his bowl of miso-soup was supposed to sit for breakfast.

"Why is that there," he stated, genuinely surprised, as his wife came back from answering the phone.

"Because we raised a slacker. He has to learn to clean up after himself or else he will upset his future wife."

'What a good idea, honey, I knew you were...'

"Also if that idiot doesn't", she continued after a short break, "and no one will have that failure, I'm going to rip his head off."

'So much for that!', Akio thought, as he disappeared behind his newspaper again.

'Figures.', his wife countered, also unsaid, as she was heading back to the kitchen to continue making breakfast. She did never make it there, as said idiot came storming down the staircase with his almost-fiance and her infant cousin in tow.

"Mom! Come, sit with us. Family meeting."

"What are you...!", she began with yet another rant about behavior, but the clear, stern voice of her son cut her off.

"Now."

'

* * *

'

Minutes later everyone had taken their place at the table and the shoes were still there. But the attention was on the only child of the family.

"Dear family members, fiances and others," he began rather eloquently, "today is gonna be the day that things around here are going to change."

Everybody looked at the teenager silently. Some more angered by this statement than others. Even the newspaper was removed by now.

"Who gave you the right to have a say about us?", his mother continued in her previous rage.

"Exactly, Darling. Don't always be so disrespecting!"

"But I have things to announce about our relationship that everybody needs to hear."

Lum shut up and sat down quietly, looking at him with big eyes and as a big smile.

"Now. First of all. I'm going to announce that, for reasons, none of your concern, I'm actually going to try to have a relationship with everybody's most pretty alien girl."

Another fit of stunned silence hit the group.

Ten floated at him with his back horizontal to the floor, his arms and legs dropped down, looking at him puzzled. His mothers face showed a genuine surprise that this was that easy all of a sudden. His dad looked at him shocked, while his glasses slid down his nose, sensing the immanent destruction of yet another living room interior, complete with TV set, that needs to be replaced. _Again_. Most exited though was of course said most pretty alien girl herself, as she sprung up from her seat with a big squeal of delight (trashing the table and spreading the dried mud through the house) towards her self-proclaimed husband, who then quickly was spread across the floor in the literal shock that his almost-girlfriend emitted. Almost.

"Lum!", he screamed in pain, as he tried to push her off, "Stop it! Only under a few conditions!"

She gave him a look of wonder now, as he pushed her off of his chest, where he felt a throbbing pain in his broken arm. 'When am I going to be fixed anyway? I should have healed days ago, normally.' Scooting away from the group slightly, he continued his speech.

"If you will agree to them, we might actually be able to get a little peace and quiet into this house for once."

She nodded, as his mother shook her head in shame and anger, while his father on the other hand had a glimmer of hope in his eyes for the first time since 1981. Ten though got into a rage-fit of himself; his target barely evaded his flames a second after.

"Ten, you have a problem?", Ataru calmly requested the little Oni to answer.

"You are not going to force your perverted imaginations on Lum-chan, you IDIOT!"

Then he almost headbutted Ataru in his slow floating speed, but was caught by said teen and gently lowered to the ground.

"Ten, I'm not going to force Lum into anything. It will be of her free will, if she accepts it or not. Understood?" he asked Ten, but also the whole group. Lum didn't dare say anything, but nodded along with the others instead. She was _so_ close. She couldn't screw up **now**!

"Good. First thing that I want you to do Lum is to stop cooking like a volcano that's wielding laser guns."

Slight sizzling filled the now silent room, contrasting Lum's facial expression that was twitching somewhere between a mocking smile and a hurt frown.

"What?"

"Your cooking," he began to clarify, "is fine in itself. If you are an Oni, like you. If you are any other kind of human being though, it is dangerous for both your body and your home." He wearily thought of the toy jet fighters and fighting robots that once rampaged their living room. He shuddered. "If you were to take out an extra meal for me before you add the chili and the pepper and Tabasco, we would all be happy."

"Come on, Darling! What are you a man or a wussy?", she said teasingly.

"As far as you're concerned, a wussy. Obviously," he sighed, slightly disappointed in himself that he actually considered Lum to be insightful. But now it was too late. Now he'd pull through.

"Request two: Cut down your lightning shocks. It hurts. Seriously. One day you'll kill me. I will not let that happen."

"But I thought that you've gotten used to it by now!", she protested, as another wave of electrical crackling overrode the first one.

"Yes, I've gotten used to the pain. No, I don't like pain! We are going to have to find another way of doing the scolding, one that's safer and less destructive. Dad may support me on that one."

All eyes shot to the poor Aiko, who was suddenly, but shortly, in the center of attention. He gave them a quick, stunned thumbs up, and was a spectator of this show again. Only his wife's aggravated gaze remained on him a bit longer.

"Also, you are allowed to sleep outside of your closet and next to me, if you are willing to put on another pair of Cherry's special ribbons."

"WHAT!" The crackling intensified once more. Ataru remained absolutely calm though.

"This is not for me to take advantage of you, but rather, because, if I were in a relationship with you, I would like to be able to sleep next to you, without being shocked and without wearing that stupid rubber suit. We can surely agree that that would be better for the both of us, if you know, what I want to say.", he stated, still cool as an ocean breeze.

"S-sure," she told the people in front of her with a strong strain in her voice. Suddenly she felt a rubber glove touching her hand. Looking up, she found his brown eyes looking deeply at her face, from the neck up her mouth and cheek until they met her own blue orbs. In that moment she almost fell for his looks that he could give. The sizzling had somewhat faded.

"Lum", he said, still calm, "Don't do this. This is the third request, and the most important ones at that." His deep stare into her soul intensified even more. "Please take anger management classes. I know you are a free spirit and a fulminate and emotional person, but your low bar to be triggered makes it very, _**very **_", he said with an exasperated sigh, "difficult to somewhat fall in love with you." Her own eyes suddenly grew very wide and moist in anticipation what he was about to say. "It became even more difficult to do so, as your fury became even more random and unreasoned after the second tag game. But taking one and a half years of time to realize you think you've fallen in love doesn't mean that it hasn't happened..."

At this he gave her a light squeeze and pulled her in. The lightning gone, she floated into his lap and consecutive embrace, light as air. Her eyes were watery, her lips and hands trembling. Her heart currently beat itself out of her chest and seemingly into her ears.

"Aiko! Aiko, get the camera!", Mrs. Moroboshi excitedly whispered to her stunned husband, whose arm she was currently digging her nails in. But he couldn't move. Simply because he so desperately wanted to see how it continued.

The goal was reached. It took one and a half years, almost one zettawatt of electrical power, lots and lots of persuasion and seduction, warfare and wrecking and lastly a car accident to get there, but it was reached. Slight sobbing and head shaking by Lum. Ten rolled around, now looking at them with his limbs still slopping downwards, but his head looking at them upside down.

Then Ataru brushed the hair over her right shoulders to the back and held them high so almost everybody could see what was there. Before, he wasn't quite sure of it himself, believing it to be a mistake in his perception, but it wasn't. She on the other hand had her relief being replaced by ice cold panic.

"... but it takes only one and a half seconds to fall out of love."

The cool, loving expression he had held so far had completely vanished and was replaced by a look of utter hatred none of his family had ever suspected he was capable of.

Lum's panic on the other hand began to surface right here, as she hastily pulled a sort of patch out of her bosom and slapped it onto her neck, falling out of his lap onto the dirty carpet.

His dad stared in amazement, as he saw the ghost of scarlet spots on her neck, a slow, rising feeling building up in his colon.

Mother looked at the scene in more than just her normal rage. She was furious, mad, totally vicious, ready to kill.

Ten hadn't seen a thing and just watched, rolling around again, so that he was now the right way up again. Floating on the back made him dizzy anyway.

And so Lum lay on the floor, butt first, panicked and electrified and ready to kill.

And so another jolt of lightning went through the Moroboshi residence, putting the entire house in disarray. Again.

Recovering from the shock first, Ataru got up, charred, smoking and grabbed the angry Lum at her wrist. "Out.", he grumbled terribly monotonous, yet determined.

"Now listen," she started.

"Get, out Lum.", he told her in a way more clear voice this time.

"No, darling!", she stood tall before him, crossing her arms, with a look of determination in her eyes.

"I'm only going to ask this nicely one more time. You hear that Ten?" The kid nodded. "I'm very sorry, but I sadly have to ask you to, please, leave."

"WE ARE NOT GOING!", she almost yelled, blue sparks beginning to dance around her yet again.

But if you had the biggest and most thick rubber gloves in all of Tokyo, you could at least touch her with your hands and not be affected. So the alien girl suddenly found herself being pulled towards the exit of the house, that was her simple, little accommodation for over a year now, forcefully.

"TEN; WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! DO SOMETING!", she yelled at her cousin, who looked concerned.

"But he did ask nicely."

Opening the door the youngest Moroboshi fought a struggling alien Oni princess, who had sunk her fangs in the railing of the stairs, the best he could with one arm, pulling at her feet by now.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU PSYCO CHEATER SLUT!" He screamed with determination, hurt and lots and lots of hatred, right before he yanked her free and dragged her to the door.

"STOP IT!" Another voice came back to a conscious state and stomped up to the door, blocking the exit for the fighting teens. "Ataru, what the HELL are you doing to poor Lum-chan?", his mother asked in her usual, aggravated tone, this time through clenched teeth though.

"I'm throwing- have you been listening at all?", he shot back, as her mother separated the two.

"I KNOW what you are doing and I'm telling you to stop it immediately!"

"Why would I?", he crossed his arms as good as the cast would allow it, "Just because she cheated on me and I won't tolerate it?"

"You cheated on poor Lum-chan all the time and she didn't …"

"She has just now tried to kill me, Mom."

The way he stated that has a very high degree of finality in it, leading to a very short break.

"How can you little Asshole lead poor Lum-chan on like that and then throw her out just for your entertainment? Goddammit, we really should've never had you!"

A longer pause occurred, in which Mrs. Moroboshi literally took Lum's side and laid an arm around her.

"What?" he inquired.

"That's right! I swear to you, not aborting you was the greatest mistake we _ever _**made! **I tell you little freeloader, for as long as I will live in this house, Lum here will always have a place to stay," she assured her daughter-in-law as she pulled her closer.

Ataru nodded slightly, understanding the situation now. Grasping what really went on here.

"Okay. Fine. As you wish. I sincerely hope that you four will be happy with each other."

Ten had lost the red line of this conversation and just watched as Ataru passed the other two and himself again and opened the closet under the stairs to pull out a suitcase. 'What's he doing with that?'

"Daaar'ing! What the hell are you doing now?", Lum enquired in a very strict voice.

"**FUCK YOU!** If you're not going, I will!", he stated and pushed through them to the stairs.

"Now don't be ridiculous! Where do you even want to go?", his mother reprehended his thoughts.

"I dunno. I don't care either. My parents just died, so there's no point in staying here right?"

"What are You...!", she started again.

"So whoever you people are," he continued, "I'm not sorry for the loss of your son as you have only had an abortion. And the next time that any of you approaches me I _will_ file for a restraining order." He shot a deadly glare at Lum. "Alien Princess Immunity or not. Shall the war break out, I don't care anymore. I loathe you all. I hope you're happy."

Suddenly a quiet rumble occurred from the living room, as though a bulldozer were standing inside. All the shattered dishes, all the broken glass and all the wooden pieces started clattering. A scream tore through the whole neighborhood. The last good vase flew against the door of the closet Ataru had just gotten the suitcase from and shattered into a million pieces.

The low growl that Akio emitted let them all astounded at the fact that it actually did sound threatening. His eyes, widely open and veins visible, drilled holes into them.

"This is it," he simply stated in a voice not too far off from Mickey Mouse, as he stood before all of them with his whole body tensed and his fists clenched in the purest of bitternesses.

"What's wrong with you?" his wife demanded curiously, not having seen her husband outraged in twenty-one years.

"That was the final straw. Leave."

"I was just going to do that."

He turned to his only child. "Not you Ataru. You're staying. They're going."

"What are you implying, Husband?", she asked, in a much grumpier tone this time.

He turned to the two women and the child. "The three of you! I have let this go on for far too long! This whole damned story ends **NOW**!", he barked.

"What's happening, Ataru?", Ten whispered to him.

"Shhhh, I wanna see where this goes!"

"What do you mean, father?", Lum asked all too lighthearted.

"You should know that, you have been there. But then again, you wouldn't remember, would you?", he told his son and the alien invader and shook his head. Both looked back at him, not knowing what was going on.

He pulled a red leather folder out of a high-quality high-security safe, that was, conveniently, also in said closet, and flipped through the pages until he found what he wanted and gave it to his wife.

"This," he said with a much softer voice, "Do you know what this is?" he demanded. The rest of the family looked at the picture of the younger Moroboshi couple. They were standing before their freshly built house on moving day, looking young and in love. Before the two there were a pretty teenage girl with long, dark hair flying through the black-and-white picture and a dark-haired boy with a doll of the girl on his back speeding behind her. The two were blocking the happy couple from the shot of the camera.

"You managed to break even the happiest memories, did you Ataru?"

The boy looked at his mother. "To you that's Moroboshi-san, Ma'm.", he stated flatly.

"HEY!", Akio roared, "I was going somewhere with that, you know?" He kneaded his temples gently with his palms.

He looked at his wife once more, since she was the only one who needed to understand, as his son obviously already did without knowing what he was getting at. "Izumi, Dear. Do you remember that day? Just before the two were coming?"

"Yes", she reminisced, "we were so young and happy!"

"We were. And I made a promise that day, you know. A promise that I'm resolved to keep today."

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, as his nerves were clearly failing him, while everybody was watching him expectantly now.

"I vowed, that I wouldn't ever let anyone have it or take it over. That I would forever keep our little piece of happiness, at least in these four walls. That we would never have to answer to anybody but ourselves, as long as we stood together as family." He took a step closer to the Oni.

"Lum you have tried to take over my son's position in this family for a while now and my wife let you in that exact position today, effectively almost destroying it. You are hereby forbidden from ever entering the property of the Moroboshi family, especially the lot in 13 fourth street in Nerima-Tomobiki, City of Tokyo ever again. I bid you farewell."

General silence once again protruded the scene. The burnt wood in the living room cracked, still, and the wind was howling through the front door and around the house.

"Akio Moroboshi, how do you suppose you could make me any more stupid before our daughter?!"

"The same goes for you."

Izumi's eyes bulged out of her head at that statement. "Y-you can't throw me out! I-I own this house, too, you know?", she shot at him, not quite sure of how to react to the situation.

"I know all about what you think. In case you should have forgotten, my mother owns this house, none of us here does. You don't own squat around here, you just handle the money. And my mother wanted to throw you out for years before we cut contact, and I was the one who told her that you were a good person and worth it to keep, because I thought you were just as valuable for looking after this place as I was for bringing in money, just so you know. And it was that way, until you just managed to make our own son move out with all his stuff over choosing a girl, that he hates, without considering his position at all, to marry or leave. In case that's the other thing that you've forgotten: We have a son." He gave said son the worlds shortest smile. "He's not the smartest, or the most sensible, or handsome, or diplomatic person we know, and for sure not the girl we always wanted, but he's nonetheless our son. If you choose that girl over there over your own blood," he sniffed a little at taking the suitcase out of Ataru's hand, "then you go, too. Until you can appreciate what you have, you are not to come back either," he told her, on the verge of tears now, as he handed it over.

The two boys watched in awe and tears of their own.

'

* * *

'

Ataru still hadn't said a word when his mother had brought all of her clothes and personal belongings to the balcony, where they were just loading all of it into Lum's UFO. His dad had sat down with Ten to share a last commemorative glass of milk, as he let her do so. Not a word to was exchanged between the married couple either, until it was all loaded and everyone found themselves in Ataru's room.

"Oh, Dear. Why does it have to be this way?", she attended to her husband a bit too melodramatic, who looked defeated at that.

"I don't want this either, but this has gone on way too long."

"Why, though? Where did we lose it?", she shivered from the sheer stress that the last half an hour brought to both of them.

"Because of two simple reasons. The first being money." He pointed with his head around the room, meaning of course his mortgage, what else? "The second", he nodded towards the two Invaders, "you have there with you. You are welcome to return at any time. We want you to, but alone." His voice was as serious as he could muster under his sadness.

They looked at each other while Lum hopped around on the last few boxes, which just wouldn't fit into the loading bay.

A brief silence passed, that none of the Moroboshis wanted to break, as that meant a final goodbye to the status quo and an, at least temporary, goodbye to their family as they knew it.

Instead Ten floated into the middle of the view. "When are we leaving, come on people?"

"Goodbye, Dear." Aiko and Izumi both stated at the same time, decisively not looking at each other.

Then Mrs. Moroboshi turned to her son. He was leaning in the door frame, wearing a poker face that would make Oyuki jealous. "Ataru. I hope that you will come to your senses soon, so that your mother can come back and everything goes back to normal."

"My mother can beat it as long as she prefers to have just any airheaded girl over her own son," he said hurt as he turned away.

Given the cold shoulder by her son and thrown out by her husband, she now turned to leave, herself. Just before she followed the brief flight of Lum and Ten into the spacecraft, she turned around once more. "Goodbye, then, I guess," she wrought out with a lump in her throat and disappeared into the hatch. Then Ataru came back to words. "One more thing." The UFO was quiet. He stepped onto the balcony and shouted a name inside. "LUM!"

The green-blue sparkling head of the Alien peeked out of the hole. "Yes, Darling?", she told him with the utter most innocence one can imagine.

He glared at her. "You have destroyed my family. I hope you are happy now. I hate your guts for that. By the way that threat about the restraining order is still valid. And don't ever call me Darling again."

"Ah, don't worry. I'll be back soon enough," she countered in a self-confident belittlement.

He shook his head, turned around and slammed the window frame shut.

Inside he turned his head to his father. They both stared at each other for a few seconds, sensing the insecurity and fear of what was to come in each other.

Then Ataru made a decision to himself and slumped down on the floor before his father, who also sat down.

"Dad, can we make a quick errand to town? I really, really have to return something and I'd like some company, please," he told his father rather dejected.

"We sure can. Where are we going then?"

"Great, I'll show you when we get there!", he said teensy, tiny, little bit more upbeat than before and headed to his desk, pulled out a bill and a little black box and slid it into a jacket, which hung over his chair and was quickly flung over his bad shoulder and once again in the struggle for the stupid broken arm to get in. "We'll meet downstairs."

'

* * *

'

Both were walking side-by side towards the old shopping district, looking down at the sidewalk, mute.

With a sigh Ataru looked up at his dad and decided to make a start on the questions that were running wild inside of his mind. If he just knew with which one to start! So he walked further along in silence.

"In case you were wondering, son, it was about damn time anyway. Perhaps we really needed a time out, as our relationship was as dull as dirt for years now."

Ataru moved his head up to face his father yet again, who was still staring holes into the concrete.

"I didn't realize." he just said flatly. "I just sorta assumed that this was the way a married relationship worked. I don't remember it any differently."

Akio snorted. "Can't see where you got **that** impression.", he half-joked, "Although your Grandma always said so, too."

That already brought them to the most pressing question on the younger man's mind.

"About that thing that you said earlier, that Granny owned the house, is it true?"

"Yes it is." he told his son, as a giant burden just suddenly got released from his shoulders. He took a deep, relaxing breath. "Do you seriously think the bank would have lent a guy like me 42 million Yen?" His son shrugged. "No they wouldn't.", he continued, "Your grandma took up the mortgage on her own house plus ours, under the condition, that she would own it, and I would pay the money back to the bank. Until it will all be paid back, your grandma is the legal owner of our house."

Ataru blinked. "What? Really?"

The elder man nodded. "Why do you think I always freak out so much about paying the money back on time? If I didn't it wouldn't just be us loosing our house, but your grandma would be, too."

Now some things fell into place for the boy. It did sound about right.

"We should visit her one of these days," the father added.

"We should. I haven't seen or spoken to her since this whole ordeal started," the son added. "And what about the mortgage now? You seem so relaxed?"

Akio finally straightened his back. "I'm going to be bringing it back to the sum it should be."

Ataru put his hand into his pocket. "And how exactly are you going to do that?", he mused.

"Invader. He's going to be back in a heartbeat to threaten us into taking Lum back, but not this time. I'll make him pay back every single, last damn Yen that his daughter caused us in damage and interest."

"Fat chance. That fatso's gonna scare us out of our home for good if that happens," he answered with the most vile voice possible.

His father managed to crack a small smile at that. "Someone hates aliens for sure."

Ataru began to rant. "O-ooooh you have no idea! I am through with sticking up and paying for people who haven't deserved a bit of my good will."

Slight chuckling. "You're just lucky you don't have to pay right away. How much do you owe the state anyway?"

"About seven hundred fifty three billion yen."

The little cheerfulness that Akio seemed to have won over the cast couple of minutes instantly disappeared in favor of shock, as he stopped dead in his tracks. Ataru went a few more steps before he stopped dead in his tracks as well.

"Seventyhun... Ataru, tell me that that was a joke," he croaked.

His son turned around and looked at him very seriously.

"It- how in the- it can't be!", the older man shouted, "All just from damage repairs? Doesn't ANYBODY have insurance anymore?"

"Just as much, as we do, dad."

"But we do! It even covers lightning and fire!"

Ataru looked puzzled at his father. "How do we have an extra eighty-three million yen in damage repairs added just for our house?"

"It doesn't apply to everything that they broke. Over and over and over …", the breadwinner of the family sighed and stretched out his arms. "Come here, son."

Hesitantly Ataru stepped into the direction of the man in a blue-greyish kimono. He hadn't hugged any of his parents for years now. Backing away a couple of times he finally made it the way back to his dad and instantly was clamped into a bear-hug. "I'm sorry." his dad whispered, under tears, "I should have put a lid on this even before the whole wormhole-love-triangle affair. I'm sorry that I haven't looked into your finances for all this time, I'm sorry for your mother giving Lum and Ten all your birthday, Christmas and New Year's money. I'm sorry for not acting two weeks ago at parent's day. I'm *sniff* sorry for everything, okay?", he wailed as he looked the other one in his eyes, "Whatever happens, we'll *sniff***** find a way through all of this. Promised *sniff*, okay?" He pulled his son in closer, even by his head, ruffling through his hair. Said son had listened intently and started to be slightly sobbing as well, with all that had happened today, for the first time. An arm now slung around his father, too, the both of them stood in the middle of the small alleyway and cried. A few people passed by while they were sobbing, giving them strange looks, including Mrs. Ichigawa, the gossip-dispenser from two doors down the road, but they didn't care about all of them. This was more important now.

'

* * *

'

Twenty minutes later the both of them were finally heading towards their destination through the shopping alleys of Nerima.

Through the crowd there were two eyes spotting them between the people and came to the conclusion that they needed to say hello.

"Yo, Ataru-kun!", a guy, seemingly trying to make customers for a restaurant or a toy store shouted at him.

'Wait, how do they even know me?' he briefly wondered, before a second glance gave the revelation that the costume belonged to one of his acquaintances, as it rushed towards him, with a passenger being pulled as well.

"Hey, Inaba, Shinobu! How'ya doin'? On a date?"

"Yeah, I promised I'd … why is that guy looking at me like that?"

In embarrassment, Ataru saw his dad being stupefied by surprise and elbowed him slightly. "Oh, I forgot. Dad, this is Inaba-kun. He's Shinobu's current boyfriend."

"N-nice to meet you."

"Don't worry, f-Mr. Moroboshi, he's one of the more normal entities that we seem to attract."

Looking at her stupefied was now the younger Moroboshi. "Right."

"Inaba, you are on a Date?", he then resumed the previous conversation.

"Yes, I tried to take her out as a makeup for the awful present I gave her yesterday."

"Yeah, a bundle of carrots isn't something that you give a girl for a present," she told him unenthusiastically

Inaba sweatdropped. "Yeah, I, erm..."

His thoughts going light years per second, Ataru acted fast in that moment and slipped the little back box into the back pocket of Inaba's costume.

"... erm actually I just wanted to rile you up a bit. Seems, like I've gone just a bit too far, haven't I? Well, anyway, here is your real present," he stated, as he handed the box over to his girlfriend, who was now frozen in shock and ecstasy herself.

"Ohmigodwhathaveyadoneyoushouldnhave...", she rambled on without punctuation or breaths in between, as she pulled out the little silver ring that sported a 0.25 carat diamond, which was very artfully embedded in a flower consisting of four petals, twisting round until the ring's base and stared at it.

Then, without stopping to talk, she glomped him, in public, in the middle of the road. Five seconds later she laid on top of him, on the cold February pavement, peppering his face with kisses.

Then she sat up, still on top of him and looked at it a little closer. It even had her initials "M.S." engraved in it. She sighed and squealed anew and set on her task of further kissing until his face was either sucked up into her mouth or soaking wet with her saliva.

Ataru chuckled. He knew that this would be the best present she could have imagined. After all they both only ever got crap from everybody before, why should it be any different now?

"I'll leave you two to it then," he told them as he grabbed his smiling dad and scurried off the direction that they came from.

'

* * *

'

"How much?", he finally asked as they took a bend back into their street.

"Whatever do you mean, father?", Ataru asked back all to innocently.

"The ring. How much? Why? _When?_"

"The night before the end of the first tag race. Did you know that we were engaged for five seconds?"

Akio looked at his kid in amazement, as he stated that. "No, I didn't."

"Well, we were. Only that Lum thought I wanted to marry her. Then the proposal imploded. Seventy-five-thousand yen down the drain. Could've needed the money elsewhere, really. Hope sure dies last, doesn't it?" His father nodded. "But I needed to make a clean break with this here. Today. I just don't think I can really love anybody for a while now. Plus if I kept on going ike this, I would've just tortured myself even longer. Better The ring got some sense in it's life for itself than being recycled or sold to someone, who doesn't know the story, right?"

His father nodded. "You are a strange kid, do you know that?" Ataru shrugged again. "What were you going to use that money for anyway?", he asked as they were closing in on the house.

"In all honesty I wanted to buy a motorbike."

Akio gave a single loud laugh. "A motorbike? In Tokyo? What kind of? Do you even have a license?"

Ataru smiled back mischievously. "Yes, I do. An ordinary motorcycle license*. You don't know everything about me, old man!", he proudly proclaimed.

"Had any in mind?"

"Honda XL 250," he admitted rather sheepishly.

"Really?", Akio smirked at his son knowingly.

"Yeah, even got to ride one in one of the invasions of Mendo's mansion. Was pretty cool," he smiled a little, then his attitude let him down. "But that's gone up in flames, or should I say, lightening, hasn't it?"

"Don't worry. Someday, Ataru, someday," he reassured and patted his son's head, as a stupid idea popped into his mind.

They now stood at the entrance gate of the small suburb building that they still, despite all odds, called their home. Akio saw something and frowned.

"What now?", Ataru asked absently.

"We'll have to start cleaning up, I suppose."

He groaned. That wasn't the answer that he wanted to hear, but it satisfied him nonetheless. "Right. I'll get started. You coming too?", he asked as he turned to his father.

"Yes. You go ahead, I'll come in a sec."

Ataru disappeared into the building.

The old man let out a sigh and picked up a small metal plate, that lay in the mud, probably knocked out by one of the many explosions. It was a piece of weather-worn stainless steel, that dimly reflected the light into the gray winter clouds. On there, in the finest kanji, was a word, drawn about twelve years ago.

He breathed on it, polished it with his sleeve, hung it back into it's bracket. Then he stood back, smiled proudly and nodded. Then he went inside to pick up his house cleaning duty.

It said "MOROBOSHI RESIDENCE".

* * *

'

Now I know I've got to run away  
I've got to get away.  
You don't really want any more from me -  
To make things right you need someone to hold you tight

And you'll think love is to pray,

but I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Once I ran to you,  
now I'll run from you,

This tainted love you've given -  
I give you all a boy could give you.  
Take my tears and that's not nearly all - oh  
tainted love - tainted love.

'

* * *

**Author's note.**

There you go. Clear of the three biggest troublemakers. How do you like it?

Akio means "Bright Husband" in case you wondered, a symbol for the enlightenment. I see a man in him, that's just as tired of the consant destruction of his home and wants everything to be as pieceful and normal as possible:

"...But ever since that Lum appeared, things have gone to hell! Where did our little piece of happiness go?..." (EP 07)

Therefore, Lum must go. Seems logic, doesn't it?

BTW: Kenji means "Strong two - The strong Second (in command of the Mendo Forces, who keeps disasters from happening)

And yes, Izumi's name has got a reason, too: I liked the sound of it :P It means "Spring", but I just selected it because I liked it.

'

* * *

**Next Time on The Final Straw:**

The girl, with the short, brown hair was quickly drowned in people and screamed for help, before she decided to slap them away with her desk.

Onsen was, really helplessly, trying to get order back into the pile of students, but got sucked in as well.

"Why, Darling and I had a little squabble, nothing to be concerned about! It'll all be back to normal within the week, I'm sure of it, daccha!" the long-haired alien proclaimed as she floated out of this heap.

Suddenly a group of boys with weapons separated itself from the pack and rushed to the back of the room, where another young man stopped giggling into himself.

* * *

'

**And one more thing:**

**To all of the readers: I wish you a happy Easter and so on considering the shit that's going around the globe right now.**

**Please, all of you: If in any way possible, stay home, safe and healty. I know it sucks right now (especially in Italy and the US), but keep the catastrophe from spreading any further; you might be saving someone's Grandpa. It'll get better again.**

**'**

**Anyway: Happy Holidays,**

**'**

**Francis**


	7. The Great Disengagement

**Replies:**

Pyeknu: That sorta was the point. But I'm glad you liked it. I guess.

Guest: Glad you liked it and thanks.

Hellhammer: Lum: "Geopolitical issues! Oh, how cute, you humans really are easy to manipulate."

. . . . . . . . . . .Francis: "Well, just for that comment, Lum, I'll say thinking on a geopolitical basis is not big enough for _her _status. But more on that towards the end of . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . this story..."

. . . . . . . . . . .Lum: "Ehehe", _sweats_, "W-what do you mean?"

'

* * *

'

**Chapter Seven: Monday: Reconcilation with the Eternal Boy - The Great Disengegement**

**'**

Entering rooms with people looking at him strangely wasn't anything new.

New however was that most of them wondered about something about him, instead of just being disgusted. At least it seemed that his classmates did the next morning.

"Do I have stuff in my teeth?", he asked confused, as he began trying to extract a grain of semi-cooked rice out of his mouth.

The staring continued, with the usual disgustment this time.

"Gee, sorry!", Ataru retorted, raising his hands in defense.

"Moroboshi-kun, just take a seat, please," Mr Onsen began in utter amazement of this display of grossness, as he saw his only working student making an idiot out of himself.

At this he shrugged, passed all of the students in front, the Stormtroopers already growling at him, except one who was looking rather depressed, Shinobu, still playing with her ring, giving him a short smile, that he returned, Mendo, who was sharpening his beloved Murasame with a grim expression, and Lum.

Now, usually after eying each of the others so closely in their abnormal behavior, seeing Lum sitting there, cheerful, as if nothing had ever happened, would have caught him off guard. Today though he decided to just let his eyes look through her, as he quietly sat down next to Ryuunosuke in the back, as Ayako was sick today.

The great murmuring. Onsen gave him a worried look. Ryu-chan was telling him to not try anything or he would be "even more broken." The threats were getting rather lame.

Shinobu took in the new situation. She's still adjusting, trying to figure something out.

The bell rang, but nobody moved an inch or ceased their talking or staring.

Ataru looked at his teacher, who looked at him, and tapped on his wrist in order to signal a watch and for him to start.

He did.

'

* * *

'

Apart from this cold greeting (and a fluorescent break dancer shrimp, who tried to kidnap Kotatsuneko) the morning continued almost normally without further incidents. Much to the big teacher's relief, as he was finally getting some of his curriculum done.

Then the lunch bell rang and all the chitter-chatter, that the students had suppressed all morning hailed down on Lum. The questions were obvious.

"What's going on between you and Ataru?", a worried girl asked.

"What has that ingrate human waste done now that has hurt you, fair being?!", inquired Megane, but the "I'm gonna kill him for you, if you'd just tell me all the vile things that he's done to you, Lum-san!", of course, was demanded by the heir of Japan's biggest conglomerate.

The girl, with the short, brown hair was quickly drowned in people and screamed for help, before she decided to slap them away with her desk.

Onsen was, really helplessly, trying to get order back into the pile of students, but got sucked in as well.

"Why, Darling and I had a little squabble, nothing to be concerned about! It'll all be back to normal within the week, I'm sure of it, daccha!" the long-haired alien proclaimed as she floated out of this heap.

Suddenly a group of boys with weapons separated itself from the pack and rushed to the back of the room, where another young man stopped giggling into himself.

He held up a hand to signal all of them to stop. Somehow they really did. Centimeters before his face.

"Say your last words, Moroboshi!", the white-suited one announced.

"I guess, you _were_ right, Ryu-chan! It **is** fun to watch them!", the attacked said in his idiotic voice, whereas the sex-mingled girl next to him balled up in laughter and he stepped to the front.

Arriving there, and standing on the teacher's desk as a makeshift rostrum, he, again, stretched out his good arm in order to draw attention to him.

"YO GUYS! LISTEN UP! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!", he literally screamed to the pulp, amplified my a megaphone he materialized out of thin air.

After the ringing had gone from all their ears, they gave their attention to the most hated student of Tomobiki High.

"I, Ataru Moroboshi," he stated with his serious voice again, "have decided with my most honorable intentions, to no longer keep being in a relationship with 'Miss Lum'. Just in case you were wondering."

The redhead that stood in the door suddenly got wide-eyed and closed it again hastily.

"Why the hell would you do that, Moroboshi, or are you just stupid?", Mendo inclined to know dryly.

"No, but apart from really _**having**_ gotten in a _**big**_ fight, that has caused my mother to leave too, on her side, I would rather not give anybody the details about it, that I don't think is trustworthy enough not to tell it, since I would like not to further the rumors."

Mark peaked out of the pile of flesh, that the students were still keeping to be despite his struggles, looking desolated. Shinobu had stopped playing with her ring in the instant that he told about his mother. One of the Stormtroopers was very proud in that moment. Lum frowned as her gaze fixed in with that of her soon-to-be ex-fiancé.

"I also would not like to harm the reputation of Lum-san."

Looks.

He rolled his eyes and dropped his head back. "Okay, well obviously I'd like to, but I won't out of sheer decency. You are therefore allowed to do to her whatever you want. That's within the law, I mean. The 'engagement'", insert air quotes with one hand here, "is hereby officially off.

Thank you for your troubles."

All hell broke loose again.

'

* * *

'

After hell had disappeared only Ataru, Onsen 75% of the stormtroopers, Shinobu, and so on, as well as few others were still in homeroom.

"Can anyone tell me the solution to the following question: What is a protein consisted of?"

One hand raised.

"Moroboshi? Let the others answer, too, you know? You've already had two."

"Oh man."

Stunned Shinobu, Mendo and 3/4th of the Stormtroopers as well as some girls gaped at the young Moroboshi. They had lately been disappointed in getting funny answers out of the school clown, just to find more valid, not impossible ones instead.

"Miyake-kun?"

"A linking hydro-nitrogen in combination with a carboxide, called a peptide-bond," she answered rather confident.

"And?"

Shock. "Erm..."

Onsen searched along the lines.

"Nobody else? Really? Come on, people? Girls? No?", he hopefully asked round.

"Fine. Moro-" grgglgrlrglrrgrlg.

Everybody looked at the boy. Some broke out in laughter, some just chuckled. Mendo got angry again, while Perm rolled his eyes. Shinobu face-palmed.

"Sorry. A protein also-"ggrlgrllgrgrlrrrr.

More laughing, as Ataru turned red. As did Shutaro.

'2:55.', Shinobu thought, 'Only five more minutes!'

"Moroboshi, you utter fool! You're disturbing the lesson!"

Ataru spit out the sword.

"Sorry, all I had today was a bowl of rice for breakfast. We still have a bit of an issue with cooking."

"Your problems aren't concerning me, jerk! Stop disrup..."

"Mendo! I've told you a billion times now! No weapons on school grounds!", Onsen turned red himself now. "You are the only one disturbing the lesson now and ..." grugrglmurr "... I'll make his problems yours if you don't hand over the damned katana!"

"WHAT! You can't..."

"Yes, I can, I'm a teacher! Hand me over that stupid, overgrown butter knife!" He did so with much displeasure. "You can pick it up at the teacher's lounge on Saturday after school, do we understand each other?"

"Yes, Sensei."

"Good. Now in order to get a feel for Moroboshi's situation the two of you will prepare a presentation about amino acids, peptides and proteins and how to calculate them. You are going to work at his house. You will have until next Monday. Is that clear, you two?"

Both looked at each other. Mendo was disgusted by working together with such a total loser. Ataru wasn't thrilled of the incoming tries to kill him either, but decided not to care. His grades could only be saved.

"If we must!", Mendo tried to sound as dignified as possible, while Ataru just smiled and shrugged.

GURRRGLEGRERGKLJFIIIIIIRRRRRMMMBLRRRRRR.

Onsen shook his head and sighed.

"Okay, that's it for the day."

In a flash most of the students were gone, the Stormtroopers slid themselves out as quiet as possible, while Mendo dragged his bag out behind him, grumbling.

Lum left in a much too cheerful wave to her ex-Darling, who gagged at this.

Onsen looked a bit too dumbfounded. "It really is over, isn't it?", he asked.

Shinobu looked at him strangely at this. "Wait a sec... since when do you care about Ataru?"

"You're still he – I mean, I dunno what you're talking about, Miyake-kun. I'm very much in duty to mentally support my students if required."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Since when do you do that? Ataru, stay put!"

Without turning around she had her friend stopping mid-movement beneath the door frame. She could hear him mutter something that sounded suspiciously like "Shit!", and he slumped his shoulders.

"What's going on here, you two?"

"Well," Onsen started, looking stressed, as he pulled on his tie, "we … sorta..."

"Oh my Gods, Ataru!", her eyes turned to horror, "Are you two...?"

"Yes," her companion for years answered, "he helps me study on our own."

The girl fell flat on her face.

'

* * *

'

"So he just teaches you when the rest of the class is gone adventuring?", she asked as they left the school yard.

"Yeah, basically. Makes sense though to get private lessons for free, doesn't it?"

She chuckled at the thought and nodded. "So that's why you keep answering. How far are you?"

"I've almost caught up to where we should be this year in Chemistry and Modern Japanese. But Maths and Physics and especially English still makes a hell of a headache."

Both shook their head in amusement, as both, for some reason, had the picture of him getting whacked by a Union Jack in their heads.

"If you're up for it, you can stay, too. I mean, Mark-kun sure wouldn't mind. He's really a nice guy when he's not pissed."

"Mark-kun? Seriously?"

"Hey! He offered!", Ataru denied much emotional involvement.

"Maybe you two really are made for each other," she mused, "Hey, why have you stopped? It's that way to our houses and I haven't begun complaining yet!"

"I'm still getting a check-up on my arm at the hospital. We can still talk tomorrow, okay?"

"I-", she deflated visibly, "Yes sure."

"Great!", he answered with his idiotic face, "See ya, then!"

As she watched him go away, he had a little hum on his lips.

'Idiot! Just … Argh!', and she turned and left.

'

* * *

'

"What in the world?", Mrs. Moroboshi asked, as she picked up a toothed sunflower to dust off.

When it started snapping after her, she, with a loud shriek, let it fall back onto the shelf that it stood on, then luckily noticed that it had a didn't break.

"Phew..."

Right then a big, yellow flashing light was emitted from the communicator screen. After a short worrying to break any of the advanced technology when picking up, she noticed that only one button was glowing on the keyboard. She decided that that must be the right one by instinct.

After a short interference a big, round, toothy face popped up.

"Ramu! Ackela tgan ta we hoa ..." She looked at Invader for a second, just as shocked as he did watch her.

"What the hell are you doing on Lum's ship?!"

"Well... thththata", she stuttered at the slightly miffed guy, "-um to"-gulp-"ok me here a-after m-my husband t-threw us out..." The last part she only squeeped, as Invader had gotten her words before she said it and held a blank expression.

That lasted for a few milliseconds, as the big guy was thrown out of the picture by a green-haired fury, that was already screaming furiously: "Arakthalala Thano vu ranta ce oalta ha nar ho hak de amakalalala! Ema thi wa thalakyatio! Aah otoko no hittote, Ikutsu mo ai o motteiru no ne. Aah otoko no hitotte nannin suki na hito ga hoshii no! Ataru yadana! Imadjali!"

The camera was then promptly torn out of its sockets, furiously strangled by the wild Mrs. Invader, shaken back and forth.

"What'd she say?", a bewildered Izumi Moroboshi asked, hiding behind her broom in protection.

The big man laid a hand on his wife's shoulders to calm her down and retook the picture. "She's not amused. You should stay out of this, she says. The rest you don't really want to hear."

She nodded to the aliens. "But how, I've got nowhere else to go!"

"We'll take care of it as soon as possible. Now, where is Lum?", he changed from considerate to miffed again, "I need to talk to her."

"She's still at school. You'll see, perhaps everything will be over in a few days, no need to worry. It always is. No problem."

Invader's wife looked unimpressed. "Yanna ikwa ta, dacha."

The earthling looked at Lum's father again, lost. He translazed: "You keep telling yourself that, honey!"

Then Lum came in in her school uniform and froze as she saw her angry father on the television.

'

* * *

'

"What do you mean, you've got no time? I've got an appointment!"

"I'm very sorry, kid, but there's been a poison attack at Furinkan High and now the crew has no time for you. Some of the kids are in a coma."

Ataru looked shocked. "Oh my Gods, are they okay?"

The receptionist looked at him flatly. "No. They're in a _coma_. But usually they'll wake up a week and a half later or so."

He blinked. "This has happened _before_?"

"Listen, kid. We still have other patients that really need help. Go to another doctor if you need it so desperately this week. Next!"

Then the woman sent him away. "How rude!"

It was on the way out that another young lady was approaching him. "Hello there!", she said cheerful but calmly, while giving him a small, heartfelt smile. "I don't want to be rude, but I've overheard your conversation with the receptionist." She pulled out a calling card and gave it to Ataru, "I have an old friend that can deal with cases, such as you, quite well, too. His clinic should be having a few open time slots for you on Saturdays."

Now confusion. "How do you know?"

"Call it intuition," the woman with long, light brown hair, bound up low with a white bow-tie and a very old-fashioned dress told him. She should have been around his age and was of immense beauty, multiplied a hundred times over by that radiating smile, but was wearing the clothes of a middle-aged housewife, standing there with her hands folded neatly in front of her. Somehow she felt off-limits for him. Oh, if only his stupid libido would be working now!

"Thank you very much, miss! I appreciate it a lot!"

And with that he excitedly left the reception area to head to a phone booth.

She looked after him and gave a smile even a little brighter than before.

"Oh, my!", she touched her right cheek and cocked her head a little before returning to her task, "Now, where might those two be?"

'

* * *

'

"M-hm."

"..."

"Aha."

"..."

"Yes, Saturday, 3:30. Thank you so much! Bye!"

Ataru stepped out of the phone booth, smiling brightly, and began walking home. Perhaps his luck really was better when he _wasn't_ girlhunting.

Who knew.

Passing the hospital again he purposefully spit into the flower beds and continued back towards Tomobiki-cho.

A short walk later he already turned into the main park area of his hometown, passing the big fountain. A few of the doves were sitting on top and around the cold, vacant benches as they were picking inside of the people's trash laying around. The sun was already starting to set. 'How late is it?' The big clock was answering quarter to five. "Oh, I hate the cold time!"

A tap on the shoulder let him turn around at the speed of light, his reflexes still being as good as ever. There wasn't any threat though. No, just Perm's girlfriend and himself.

"Yo, Perm! What'up?"

"Ataru-san", the girl started, "you have really kept your word to Kosuke and me. Thank you so much for doing this for him! I can't even..." Her emotions overwhelmed the girl and her boyfriend laid an arm around her. "C'mon, Fumiko. Let's sit you down for a second, I can handle this." He turned to the other teen. "Wait here for a second, okay?" He nodded, blinking blankly a few times.

A minute later the taller one returned again and leaned himself against the encasing of the spring and patted the concrete to signal for his classmate to come sit there, too. He did.

A few moments passed with both just staring into the distance.

"What she said is true," the boy with locks started.

"I didn't know she was so emotional. Seems more like the never upset, but always hungry type."

Perm chuckled. "She usually is. But she's a little shaken since Sunday night, you know?"

An ashamed sigh. "Why exactly is she upset? Did I do something wrong?"

Perm turned his head in surprise. "Really? The thing that we said in the car?"

Ataru's thinking look intensified, as it was directed at Kosuke. "No, I can't tell."

A second passed, after which Kosuke gave a loud chuckle. "Right. No wonder, considering how loaded you were when we found you."

"Found me?"

"Yeah, on Sunday morning, about one A.M., in the middle of the road by Mrs. Nakazato's field."

'

* * *

******************************************************FLASHBACK, 39h before************************************************************

******************a dark stretch of road in the midst of Nerima, an urban area with food producing infrastructure in between living quarters*******************

* * *

'

"C'mon man, where are you?", Kosuke pressed his question, expectant of him to fall into their arms any second now, yet not to.

"Well, he can't have gotten _too_ far, can he?", Fumiko inquired, holding her gaze out of the passenger's window.

"Oh, you don't know Ataru like I do, believe me! He could be on Fukonokami right now and we wouldn't have noticed."

A lonesome figure is falling from the sidewalk right in front of the speeding car. They only noticed in the last possible instance.

After the tire smoke had cleared and Fumiko had separated her boyfriend's cramped hands from the steering wheel they were clutching to, both of them left the car and looked at the guy, bent in a right angle with his face on the floor, wobbling his butt around, trying to get up without using his hands.

"That's the worst I've ever seen him," the tall boy sighed, then marched towards the cancer of class 2-4 and started yelling. "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

A slipper flew against his head. "WILL YOU SHUT UP?! IT'S ONE IN THE MORNING! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!", a young girl yelled

"WILL ALL OF YOU JUST KEEP IT DOWN!", came the next resident to his window.

And soon the whole block next to the crops was screaming at each other that the other would have to shut up first.

The two sober people sighed. Ataru fell over, still bent in a 90° angle.

"Come on, we'll get you home," the now irate Stormtrooper told the drunk, as he picked him up and stored him in the car.

"I'll buckle him up, you call the mansion, OK?", the black-haired girl proposed and so it was done.

Said action got her a strange look from the wavering womanizer-on-break.

"What is it?"

He wonked around a bit from side to side, looking at her with half-lidded eyes.

"'re you m'mommy, M'ndo?"

The girl hit her head on the pavement.

A little while later in the phone booth, Shinobu was heard giving off a great, big sigh of relief through the speaker.

"Thank you, Perm. I owe you one!"

"Ah, no sweat. It was your birthday, after all."

"Aw, thanks! But honestly, you guys hurry back here. I still have some complaints to do. He won't get away with this so easily!"

A short break on the male end. "I don't think that would be very productive right now."

"What do you mean?"

"He's pretty loaded. I think he just called Fumiko 'Mendo'. And Mendo his mommy."

The girl puffed her cheeks on the other end of the line. "Fine then. Then I'll scold him later. … He really called Mendo his mommy?"

The girl laughed out uncontrollably. In the background more laughter and deployed troops were audible. Kosuke pulled the receiver from his hurting ear, until the laughing subsided.

"Right. I think I'll just take him home then."

"Great, when are you to be suspected back?"

"No offense, but you just go on, we'll call it a day after that too."

"... Oh, okay. Well then good night to you, too. Don't overdo _it_."

"You don't imply anything, do you?", the locked guy asked knowingly.

"Why, I would **_never_**!", the girl on the other end answered all to shocked and innocent.

"Yeah right," he snorted, "Bye then."

"Bye!"

As Kosuke returned to his car, he already found both his passengers buckled up and safe for transport. Ataru, he noticed, was propped up against the rear window, while wedged between the passenger seat and the side panel with his own legs so he won't fall over.

"Ready to go?"

"Tak' me to Dishneyland, d'iver!"

Kosuke looked at Fumiko helplessly. She nodded him to just go along. "Just you come! I'll take you there!"

The car started moving towards home.

Ataru had a wicked grin on his face all of a sudden.

"Don't. Even. Think."

"I'm just joking! I'm straight, remember! Besides Lum..."

His mood darkened as quickly as it had improved into his serious face, just much more intense. It got very quiet.

"What about that Lum? She your girlfriend?", Fumiko teased to break the silence.

More silence.

"Yeah, Ataru, what the hell are you guys anyways? Friends? Lovers? A couple? More?"

"I dunno wh's goin on 'nymore. I wan'er t'be happe, but she ain' wan' me happe, not 't all. I'm been pound'd by ya 'ss's an' whadda thangs? ZAPPAZAPPAZAPPAZAPPAZAPP!", he told them very dully and monochrome, though spitting the last part.

The taller boy was stunned in incredulousness. "You thinks she doesn't love you anymore? Now come on!"

He spotted Ataru in the rear view mirror. His head was still propped up against the window, brow furrowed and his nose wrinkled, but his eyes were devoid of any emotion. Scared that he might puke she turned back around.

After about ten seconds he spoke again. "She nev'r luv noone."

Again taking a turn into 4th street, a car with the protagonist inside casually puttered down the lane. The driver was just as clueless about what to say next.

"C'mon! You can't seriously-"

"BUTITSTRUE!", the brown-haired guy yelled, "She 'lways dossat! Fooooooool some poooooooor moran inta luv an' then she'sa ganna be takin' his life!"

The stopped car was standing still a few dozen yards before the destination, while an even more stalled Kosuke was sitting.

"What the hell are you sayin', man? Lum is your life! You aren't anything without her!"

Ataru was looking very serious, as he shoved Fumiko forward in her seat forcibly and got out out the vehicle. Walking around it dizzily, but surprisingly stable for his level of intoxication, he opened the driver's side door and pulled Perm up to his face. The alcohol was smelling strongly that moment.

"I am Ataru fucking Moroboshi! I am not defined by Lum! I used to have my own friends and girlfriend and life before! I AM NOT HER SLAVE!", he hissed.

Kosuke was very angry at that statement and grabbed the other's collar. "Yeah, right! The ones you ditched as soon as you got a girlfriend! No wonder Megane hates ya so much! We've at least stuck together ever since he tried to call Lum from..."

Ataru's facial features softened up a lot, as Perm was struck by an epitome. Both were looking each other in the eyes now as the seconds passed. They were letting go of each other as tears began to well.

"'ma sorry, pal. I nev'r realized...", Ataru sobbed sightly as he was regaining some of his drunkenness.

"I'm sorry, too. It's just … It was all you and your lover all of a sudden. Our whole group fell apart. It's... he... we... became sorta obsessed with stealing that perfect girl from you, we... we lost track of what's happening... in her. We... we needed somebody, anybody as a friend. … We screwed up, didn't we."

Ataru looked at him with sad, glazed, drunken eyes. "Izzok. I wanna ditch 'er aneway afte' what sh' did!"

Perm looked up. "What _did_ Lum do to you?"

"'sn't madder! If I ged ridda her, we be pals 'gain, 'kay?", he said hopefully, now looking like a puppy.

The taller of the two hesitated for a moment, then looked at the smaller one, gave a small nod and they started hugging each other wholeheartedly.

Fumiko started cryin' softly, admiring the beauty of a man's hug in it's purest nature.

"Good, zen I'm out for tha day!", Ataru mumbled into his shoulders and went limp.

Kosuke rolled his eyes and sighed: "Great. He's fallen asleep."

"Well," Fumiko tried to put a positive spin on this, "at least he hasn't thrown up."

He smiled at her. "Stop procrastinating and help me out instead, or you'll call for a disaster."

They both carried Ataru inside, but were too lazy to actually get him upstairs, so they laid him onto the next best thing to a bed: the table.

So both of them stood there, looking at him.

"I'm so happy for you!", Fumiko commented on him.

"I think this was a good night, after all," he stated contently as he put his arm around his girlfriend, a little too low perhaps for the area that he squeezed to belong to the safe zones. "C'mon, let's head to my place, alright?"

She giggled. "You're so nasty!"

They disappeared hand in hand with a little smile on their faces, anticipating what was to come.

'

* * *

***************************************************************The Present************************************************************

* * *

'

"Ah, I see!", Ataru stated.

"Well, yes. I'm most pleased about what happened there."

"You sly dog, you!", he elbowed Perm, "How far have you two gotten already, huh?", he teased.

As his classmate had extracted himself from the floor, he towered over Ataru, a light anger boiling up. "What the hell? That was not the point I was trying to make!"

"I thought you said we were buddies again," Ataru answered stunned, "Buddies should be able to tell that to each other!"

Perm dropped his demeanor again. "Right."

He took him and walked over to his girlfriend.

"Come on, we'll take you home, so you can tell us what the hell happened that you are so angry with her."

Heading out of the park the couple turned into a completely different direction than Ataru.

"But my house is that way!", the latter pointed out, aiding with his finger.

"We're going by car. It's over there."

Surprised Ataru followed the pair. "Since when do _you_ have a car?"

They all stopped before a yellow one. "My brother bought himself a new one, so I got this!"

Indeed, Ataru's eyes befell a lime-yellow 1970 Toyota Celica notchback, which was for the last five years in the ownership of his older brother Kota, who has let most of the repairs undone. So the condition was, to say the least, poor. Similar to Swiss cheese in fact.

Suddenly he wondered what the bastard might be up to for the first time in forever.

"You gonna keep staring or are you getting in?"

Ataru was ripped out out of an image of Kota, who looked similar to Perm, except for a more modern hair style and a chin, that was even more prominent, relaxing on a sofa with a girl sprawled out across his body. Instead he took the backseat again.

"Say, how is it, that everybody seems to have a car, a bike, a new stereo and, in Mendo's case even, an airplane, but me?"

"Well, Mendo's rich." Ataru nodded agreeing, "I've got a big brother that can't handle money and Shinobu's dad is looking for a replacement as well."

"That- she, too? Gosh... but that's not the reason. It's because all of you aren't in a relationship that's getting you flat broke permanently."

"I'd not…"

"Be careful, what you tell him, dear," Fumiko warned him.

"Anyway, Lum's worse..."

'

* * *

'

Fifteen minutes later they were back at the Moroboshis' and Perm was rubbing his temples after encountering the truth about the damage claims and the non-arrestment agreement that was made by the government and stated that Ataru would be obligated to pay back every Yen owed to the government, that has, out of it's 'own' pockets, payed for the damage, but made Ataru responsible and liable to pay it back.

"I, I need to think this over, okay, Ataru? See ya tomorrow at school."

"Alright." He got out of the car, and was quickly grabbed by Fumiko, who shut the door and pulled him aside. He looked dumbfounded.

"Ataru-kun, thank you SO much for doing this!", she teared.

Becoming more perplexed by the second Ataru said nothing. A confused look said more than a thousand words.

"You see, I'm worried about him.", she said sadly.

"Why, I think he's better than ever?"

"Yes," she took his hand, "when he doesn't hang around Satoshi-kun. When he's not with him, he's so sweet and caring, but once Four-eyes shows up, he's..."

A short break, before Ataru connected the dots. "Different. Over-emotional. Right-wing. Violent. Are that your _troubles?_"

Her troubled face looked up at him with a tiny, little smile. "You aren't as bad as everyone has me believe, I just know it. You might be a lecher, but at least you're the lesser of two evils."

"You have heard about the story about the women which I produced in ice from my perversions, right?"

Her look intensified again. "You're good at heart, at least. Although a pervert. Megane, on the other hand, is a bad influence. A man trying to force himself onto a girl, beating up people on a regular basis, idolizing an wqually violent leader, giving Marxist speeches..."

"Are you saying he's a Nazi?", Ataru inquired and the girl nodded shakily in return.

"I don't want my Ko-chan to be a Nazi. Please, try to talk to him. Make him see that bastard for what he is."

Ataru had his head full of thoughts that second. He looked at Kosuke. Then back at Fumiko. Then he had to grin.

"Look at him." He nodded his head towards Kosuke who was still trying to reorder his thoughts. "He's a nice guy, deep down at least. Just relax and try to stick to him as much as possible. The rest will handle itself now."

"Do you really think so? That would just... be great!"

Ataru nodded and the car left. After looking after them for a second, he broke out in hysterical laughter. "Ko-chan. Haha! Wait until we get back to class!", he snickered, trying to suppress his joy, failed and laughed some more.

That was also the final proof he needed for his theory: Lum really _is_ altering people's minds...

'

* * *

'

**Author's notes:**

Jesus, Ataru! What a way to make announcements!

Well anyway the second part of this chapter is drawing it out a bit, I'm sorry. But Perm will, though not really plot-relevant, act as one of Ataru's guy-friends later on. Yeah.

Anyway, the next chapters will be published with longer distances (ca. 3-4 Weeks) between them, since the new semester started and I only have one more done. Plus my History professor is a bit of a jerk and thought it was fun doubling the workload. Just in case you read this: You're great, man! Not!

Anybody found the spoilers for next chapters yet?

* * *

'

**Next Time on "The Final Straw":**

"See?", she told them and began to explain. "While the Milky Way and the Canes Dwarf Galaxy may completely be under their control, most of the smaller galaxies in the local cluster are under the control of their balancing power."

Indeed, except for the above, there were only little parts of the other big galaxy, that was Andromeda, tinted in orange, while most of the rest, except for a few more dwarf galaxies at the opposite end of the Milky Way, another good chunk of the other big spiral galaxy and a the Triangular Galaxy were colored steel gray.

"So who is that other race?", Shinobu inquired to know.

"The Fukujin," Ran answered coolly.

The both their faces hit the table, after that they gave her a deadpan look.

"Well, there's still more," she replied a little embarrassed, "Do you see the pink and red spots?"

Both nodded.


	8. Make-up Valentine's Day

**'**

**Replies: **Pyeknu: Yes, about the same as there is in the Carribean. Or In the Asterix novels without magic potion.

...Guest: That's very possible.

* * *

**A week of revelations pt. 4.: Tuesday: Make-up Valentine's Day – Wishes of Darling's Heart**

'

"Hey, Ataru-kun!"

"Ow, what, ow!", Ataru answered Shinobu as he tried to extract Ten's fangs out of his leg.

"Come over here! We need your opinion on something!"

"Just a sec!"

Needing to get rid of the toddler, that had it's nose full of shaved ice, as he had tried to fry him again, he had already asked nicely and pleaded. Only that he didn't react too well this time.

"Ten, I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice!"

Reaching into the kid's mouth he tried to force the jaws apart with his good hand.

The other girls looked at Shinobu inquisitively, "Are you sure we should ask _him_?"

"Yes, of course! Why not?"

"Because he's a goddamned lecher, Shinobu! Have you completely forgotten?", Ryu-chan answered accusatory.

"Excuse me, but he's still my friend! And he proved that he could behave himself on Saturday, or am I wrong?"

"He was completely loaded! You call that behaving yourself?!"

"YOW!" She looked over at the two, Ten now biting his hand. Lum was standing next to them, smiling at the scene. Ataru opened a window and by centrifugal force made Ten slip from his arm towards the great outdoors. "And stay out!"

"Well, at least he wasn't grabby!"

"Yeah, but only as long, as he's pacified by that cast! Once it's off, it'll go back to the way it's always been!"

"Well, have a little faith!", Shinobu frowned, as the currently on-break pervert joined the group.

"What's with religion? I'm thinking of becoming atheist..."

"Oh, don't be stupid, Ataru! We were just going to ask you if you remember, if we'd forgotten anything?"

"Like what exactly? School books? Cleaning duty?"

"No," Akira began, "like, we forgot something yesterday over all the excitement in Lum's love life... something big..."

He glared at them. "Something you want to desperately give to someone from the bottom of your heart?", he crossed his arms and replied grumpily

"Exactly! How'd you guess?"

"Easy!", he told the group of girls, "Yesterday was Valentine's Day!"

All the girls in class had the gears in their teenage minds going at a hundred thousand turns a minute, as they realized that they all hadn't gotten their sweetheart chocolate and a card. A panicking squeal filled the air and the girls all fell out of the door in one big heap, trying to get chocolate from somewhere, just as Mr. Onsen entered the classroom.

All eyes were on Ataru, who raised a finger in defense, but then sharply sighed. "Okay, I admit that that was partly my fault."

All the guys shook their heads.

"So that's why I got so many love letters yesterday!", Ryu-chan connected, "Now it makes sense!"

Everybody save for Ataru, Lum and Mendo fell over.

"Well, Ryuunosuke-san," Mendo began with his slimy voice, "It sure is compromising if your admirers are fewer than ever before! But rest assured, that I'm not one of those who let their attention to any girl lessen!"

"Talk for yourself, man. They just wouldn't all fit on my desk," she pointed out, while gesturing towards the school store, out of which's every gap there were Valentine's cards sticking out, even making the wall bulge out.

Now Mendo also collapsed an a heap of misery.

The three students left and their teacher looked at him and then tried to continue their normal day.

'

* * *

'

By lunch break most of the girls had made their way back and were already dispersing their chocolates. The guys from the other classes were mostly bewildered by the fact that they were getting chocolates **now, **but, hey. The boys from 2-4 on the other hand mostly frowned, as only Mendo and, for some odd reason, Ryu-chan had gotten any.

"Dearest Lum-sama!", Megane suddenly started, "Won't you be gifting one of us with your chocolaty goodness?", Satoshi asked said alien.

"No, I already gave my Darling a card this morning!"

"Moroboshi!", Megane and his companions attended Ataru with clenched fists, while the whole class was listening up and Mr. Onsen shook his head. "Will you explain why you are still, despite your frivolous actions yesterday, hogging our dearest Lum's feelings!"

He leaned back in his chair and put his hand behind his meck. "Good question, plus I never got a card in the first place."

Mendo scoffed. "And here I thought your bad karma would finally come back to you! No cards would have fitted you just fine, managing to scorn..."

"Please just cut it out. It just doesn't matter. I'm not interested in anybody in here that way and that's just it."

Everybody stared at him blankly. "Well then, if this is it, I'm gonna get some food now."

With those words he stood up, ready to go, but was pushed back into his seat and whacked with a big, wooden mallet, so that he passed out.

"Daaarling! Don't always be so touchy!" She pulled out a small screen and some suction cups with wires out of her cleavage and connected them with each other. Then she licked the little pieces of rubber and popped them onto her ex-fiances temples.

"Lum!", Onsen yelled, "What is this?"

"It's great, Onsen-sensei! It's a Love Detector ©, daccha!"

"Lo-Love Detector?", Shinobu stuttered, unbelieving, "Don't be ridiculous! Stuff like that doesn't exist! Love is different within everybody, blooming, growing, changing within the heart of everybody as they lose themselves within each other! It can't be classified and read out!"

"Well this thing can!", Lum simply stated, "I wanted to use this for weeks now, but Darling hasn't given me any good opportunity yet!"

A little silence entered the room, as everybody stared at her.

It was Mendo, who then asked the question that everybody thought: "And just what are you going to achieve with that?"

"I'm gonna prove that Darling loves me, daccha!", she exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Wait a minute!", Onsen told his students, "I don't think that anybody should see this without his affirmation!"

"Yes!", Shinobu added, "It's his private sphere that we're entering! "

"Who knows what kind of abomination we'll see in his mind!", Sakura added, who had appeared out of nowhere.

"Then I perhaps shouldn't have enlarged it onto the wall, huh?", Lum added, as she had finished setting up the display, which was through the projector displaying his heart's contents, that were still blurry, to the wall.

"Well, now that we are this far...", Sakura concluded and began adjusting the picture.

"Now, remember! This is Darling's mind! If you find yourself up there, you have no point in being angry at me! Ths is a best-of-list, on which you are marked in a position according to how much Darling loves or hates you, as you get awarded or taken points for that from the base value of 100."

"Awarded, she says!", Mendo adds.

As the picture was getting clearer, the faces were with more and more effort trying to decipher the names.

"We can't see anything!"

"It's too dark!"

"Hurry it up!", were the voices that were ringing through the classroom.

Then the names were visible. A nice list, of which the top five could immediately be found out, on which everybody, some with anticipation, some with fear, sought themselves

'

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 1000+ – Love ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

NONE

'

"Figures!", added Mendo, while the green-eyed alien began swearing in Oniboshigan.

'

#1.: . . . 967 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Miyake Shinobu . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Romantic Affection

#2.: . . . 878 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Orchid Princess . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Romantic Affection

'

"WHAT THE HELL!", Shinobu exclaimed, stinking furious, while the rest of the class broke out murmuring who in hell the Orchid Princess might be...

'

#3.: . . . 675 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fujinami Ryuunosuke . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Potential Romantic Affection

'

"See? I told you I'm a chick, dammit!", Ryuunosuke held her father's eyes open between her thumbs and her index fingers so that he could see the chart, "I'm liked by a **boy!** HAHA!"

"Oh, son, how could they deceive you so? You always tell me something is wrong with this kid, and now I believe you, boy!", Mr. Fujinami countered in faked tears.

Both broke out in a predictable fight.

'

#4.: . . . 460 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mendo Ryoko . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Physical Attraction

#5.: . . . 423 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mizunokonji Asuka . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Physical Attraction

'

Mendo could be seen starting to glow red.

"DAAAAAAAAR'IN'! Where on Tch'kyo am I!?", Lum yelled at him and started to drill holes into his cast with her fangs.

"See? I told you it wasn't a good idea!", Shinobu snapped.

"You keep out of this, woman, for we shall correct his incorrigible follies! We shall not rest until the honor of our beloved Lum-sama is restored and faith and you show your true position towards..."

"Get to the point, Satoshi-kun!", Onsen ordered, while struggling with Mendo over the supremacy of the teacher's big ruler.

Suddenly Megane pulled out a baseball bat (God knows where from) and held it under the still unconscious Ataru's chin.

"ANSWER ME!", he screamed at his face, visible drops of spit flying from one to the other. But he got no reaction, what ticked him off even more. "ANSWER ME OR PAY!"

Shinobu took a step back in shock. "Okay, now calm down! Let's try to do this logically: It's all here, isn't it? She has to be in here somewhere and that's where we'll find her!"

Megane looked at her with the deadly glare of a wild boar with rabies. "You... you know what? I'll go search for it _for_ you. You three just don't do anything stupid."

"Me and my three most loyal companions of the Lum fan-club would never..."

He turned around and noticed something was amiss. "One, two..."

The murderous rage in his eyes had reappeared and he, in the longest step ever recorded in human history, suddenly appeared before Perm's desk.

Perm, who had his head lying on his arms, was intensely watching Shinobu scroll through the names on the little glass panel with a plastic backside, afraid of finding Fumiko's name up there in the extremely long "Physical Attraction" section of the list. Only when her name appeared here like so:

'  
#12596.: 100 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Onoda Fumiko. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Neutral,

he dared to look up to Megane, who had bubbles in his mouth.

"How do you explain abandoning your oath to give your life to keep our beloved Lum-sama happy, soldier?"

Without much emotion he told him: "It's totally pointless to do anything to him now, isn't it?"

The square-jawed boy's eyes twitched.

"He's unconscious, you know! That's like the most unnecessary thing I could imagine."

Luckily, before Megane could have a brain seizure,Shinobu shouted out victory. "Found her!"

The whole class once again stared at the big screen that the wall had become. A few gasps escaped, a few voices murmured at the sight of the girl, but most beheld of the pretty much impossible to imagine sight before them.

'

#28657.: 5 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Princess Oyuki VIII. of Neptune . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Extreme Cold

#28658.: 3.5 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Princess Kurama Sojobo XVI. of Sojobo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aversion

#28659.: 2.2 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Princess Benten Shigaten IC. Of Fukunokami . . . . . . . . . . . . Disgust

#28660.: 1.1 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Princess Elle DCCCLXXXVIII. de Rosenbach of Elle . . . . . . . . Hatred

#28661.: .35 Points . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lum Invader . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Too complicated to even bother anymore.

'

A growling shriek was suddenly ripping through the air, as Lum's bite intensified and everybody started wondering what the hell that cast was made of, since it still hadn't snapped.

But it wasn't her that let it out the shriek. No, it was Mark Onsen, who had just been robbed of his teaching utensil. "I don't believe you actually sank this low, Mendo-kun!", he shot at the student, who was already taking a run-up to slice the unconscious Ataru apart with his makeshift sword.

"First Lum-san, then my dear sister... now my fiance, too?", he laughed bitterly, "DIE!"

Moments later his face met the floor, as the ruler landed between the lecher's teeth. He got up and started to close in on the poor guy again, scowling.

At this point Ryuunosuke was sent flying by her dearest father, who was crying at her to take it like a man.

She, flying headfirst, hit Mendo on the head with her own and his, like with pool balls, was sent towards Ataru's and then bounced off towards under a desk. The other two did a double Somersault and at the end the boy lay on the floor, his left leg halfway on a chair and Ryu-chan was sitting on his face, rubbing her head.

"Ow...! THAT HURT YOU KNOW!", she shouted at her dad, who was pulling a face.

Suddenly something below her started moving and vibrating. "Gut off mu fuce!", the voice ordered and she suddenly got aware that Ataru had woken up.

"Sorry, man!", she apologized, got up and helped Ataru to his legs, as well. "Now," she continued, "YOU'LL DIE FOR THIS, OLD MAN!"

And they were at it again.

Ataru, on the other hand, was taking in the situation. A couple of alien princesses' names projected to the wall, a couple of his classmates glaring at him, the girls upset, Megane had foam in his mouth, Shinobu held a strange gadget, Onsen was searching for his Aspirin in his desk and Lum was still clinging to his cast with her mouth.

"Right. What happened this time?", he required coolly. "Mr. Onsen?"

Onsen was supporting his head on his left arm, then he wearily stood up. "Lum read out your love life and projected it to the wall. And I think I'm getting the principal. Or Interpol." Then he walked out of the room, feeling useless and downtrodden.

"I tried to stop them from killing you! I was against it, too!", Shinobu said as the teen boy turned his gaze towards her.

He looked up at the list again and snorted. "I didn't think I actually knew this many women!", he joked, a little impressed by himself. as one could watch Lum's score drop by another 0.02.

Then he turned back to the class. "Everybody had a good look? Great!", he proclaimed, as he clamped Lum's nose between his fingernailss and slowly forced her back up. "Then gossip about it all you want. It can't do my reputation any bad anyway."

"Dar'in'! Lemme go! You brute!", Lum complained.

He set her off and she quickly rubbed her nose, while he was washing his hands in the classroom's sink. "You think that's bad? Wanna have your lightning back full force?", he said threateningly and she huffed. "I thought so."

He once again turned back to the class with a bitter disposition. "As for you guys...", he said as he pulled the projector's cable, "Get your own life, goddammit!" The class started, apparently for the firt time ever, to get a bit of a conscience, as most of them looked away or suddenly sudied the floor.

As if on cue, Ryuunosuke crashed into the wall next to him. Suddenly his demeanor changed again, as he put up his 'idiotic face'. "Ryu-chan!", he shouted out, "Wanna earn 100 Yen?"

Her eyes almost fell out at the prospect of getting this much money, "H-how? W-what dirty things do you want me to do for that sorta cash!?", she exclaimed.

"Gimme your buns!", he exclaimed freely.

"What?", she answered, cracking her knuckles.

Ataru instantly shrunk down. "One of your honey-buns that is."

She pulled up her sleeves to get better movements for the punch! "_Say that again!_", she hissed

He retreated from her, "F-from your st-tore, th-that is!", he clarified, "Your dad isn't working right now, is he?"

'Oh.' She calmed down considerately and looked over to her father, who sat there in a Buddha pose, pretending to meditate. "I guess not. Come on, then!"

Ataru beamed at her and the prospect of finally seeing some food and followed her out of the room.

Then he peaked back in again.

"Shinobu? You coming?"

The brown haired girl suddenly broke out of her disbelieving stare, nodded slightly and stepped out over the unconscious Mendo.

'

* * *

'

"What the hell was this earlier all about?", Shinobu asked slightly uneasy as they had arrived at the lockers after class.

"I dunno. I was unconscious. You tell me what happened."

"Er... I dunno how to explain this..."

"No point in doing so!", he told her as he opened his own to get his outdoor shoes. "They won't learn it anyway."

"Did you actually mean what you said about not being interested earlier? In our class I mean..."

"Yes I did. And why should I? After all its true that 'the average man is more interested in a woman that is interested in him than a woman, any woman, with beautiful legs.' - Marlene Dietrich. Those girls are disgusted by me, so why in hell should I waste any more time on them."

"Really?", she smiled slyly.

"'fcourse. From now on if a girl wants anything from me, she'll have to come to me first. Not that there are any," he told her, finally opened his locker and three heart-shaped pieces of paper flew out.

"Figures," he sighed and picked them up from the floor, "Wonder who they're from?"

"Well one is obvious," she stated, slightly displeased, as he looked at the first of the... "Hey what the hell are you doing?!"

Said first heart had its origin written clearly all over it. It was a big heart with perfectly cut frill all around it. What gave it away was that the paper was tiger-striped and currently on fire. On real fire, that her old friend had set to it without even reading the card.

"The gesture of a bought card is just as empty as her love, so it doesn't matter. Plus there's no chocolate." His voice's general sadness nearly spoiled the mood for both of them.

A few seconds passed. "And the second one?", Shinobu asked with a lot more enthusiasm over the sloppily cut heart of blue cardboard with 'clearly handmade' ornaments, that came out of nowhere. "Who's it from? Do I know her? Is she pretty?", she elbowed him a little, as he tried to concentrate on the written. "I'm sure she's totally cute and sexy and smart too! C'mon! Who knows how long she's waited to make her move on you with Lum around! Tell me! Tellmetellmetellme!", she continued to speak, getting ever faster and more excited for some reason. Ataru though just stared intensely onto the paper. After a few seconds and Shinobu almost doing a back-flip from excitement, his face finally eased up.

"No Idea!", he proclaimed casually and turned the paper around, for it to be unreadable. "Chicken scratch!", he grinned dumbly.

"So what's the last one say?", Shinobu declared through the floor tiles with decisively less enthusiasm.

'

"**_Dear Ataru_**," he read out from the beautifully crafted, pink heart with an orchid attached to the top,

"_**Since Saturday evening I had to think about what you told me on the party. And I decided you were right all along, there really are better men for me out there. I just had to realize it. Thank you for showing me that ;).**_

_**As a 'Thank You', I'd like to invite you over to dinner at my place tonight at 7pm. Hope you'll be there!**_

_**\- You know who"**_

'

"So?", Shinobu asked, "who's it from, now?"

"No plan," he answered worriedly, "I've got a memory gap from my hangover."

"No kidding! I still have to tell you off for that! What the hell!"

"I have no Idea. Really. I don't remember drinking in the first place! I also want to know what happened! Everybody seems to be even more out of it than usual!"

"Why do you ask me! Ask that girl you were with, obviously!"

"What the hell? Who knows if she even exists! Probably some moron played a joke on me and pretended to be a girl! As I said: Who in her right mind would..."

"Ahem..."

"You're standing right behind me, aren't you?", he said, already expecting the answer.

'

* * *

'

The park in Tomobiki was quite large for it being only one of the smallest towns in Nerima. Ataru couldn't help but wonder what kind of money was spent to keep this place clean, as he casually strolled through it towards his rendezvous.

Anyway, her house was standing right around the bend. Being invited here for a pacifistic reason for once was a nice touch, to be honest.

Not that Shinobu thought so. At a distance of about 150 feet, she was following him in her most black attire, hoping not to be noticed and to get to the bottom of this new trick of that woman, for which he fell yet again. Sneaking from one of the boxwood-bushes, that were planted here after _that_ girl's last escapades destroyed the flowerbeds, that were there before, to the next, she hoped to intervene unnoticed and stop the disaster in its tracks even further.

And so she hid in the bushes, as Ataru approached the stairs that led to her front door.

A minute or so passed, before she stepped out in her native pink and chrome attire. He passed her a bouquet of flowers and smiled at her sheepishly with his good arm behind his neck.

Unconsciously she crushed the edging of the plants with her bare hands.

"Jealousy is a bad trait if you look for men!", Cherry suddenly announced, appearing between her crouched legs.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!", she screamed and the buddhist suddenly sloshed out of the green and reached the outer atmosphere.

Ran and Ataru were disbelievingly staring at the shocked Shinobu, who had fallen out of the hedge.

"Eh. Ehehehe. Oops," she laughed sheepishly.

"You have to be kidding me!", Ataru groaned at her tiredly. "Not you, too!"

"But I'm just here to protect you from that alien wannabe Lolita there!" Ataru face-palmed, ashamed.

Ran turned towards her with a hurt expression. "No need to be mean, you know. If you want, you can come in, too! I've got enough for everybody," she clarified.

Shinobu looked surprised.

'

* * *

'

"And he really did that?", Izumi asked her as the three sat at the dining table. It was full of exotic looking food, most of which was some kind of meat, vegetables that were oval with a hole in the middle and purple-ish with white leaves and, how should it be any different, the ever-present energy crystals, a food similar to our caviar in Oni tradition.

Lum had ordered out tonight, since she forgot to do the shopping and Izumi is trapped in orbit, so the only thing on the table that the human woman in her early forties got to eat, that was in stock, was tofu. For the third day in a row.

It had shocked her to learn what her son really did see women as. She tried to stop the water from collecting in her mouth, when she saw Lum squeeze the doughnut plant out and a purple-blue-ish jelly flowed onto some kind of grain.

"Yes, and then he...!", Lum tried to continue, but was interrupted.

'THUNK', it made and immediately the three felt watched.

A short silence followed.

"WAAAAAH!", Ten exclaimed, as he saw that ugly thing sticking outside on the window. It had a big, gopping mouth, that was sucking itself to the glass and a wrinkly, pink-ish skin.

Izumi suddenly felt very sick, yet she couldn't look away. Something about this creature looked very familiar...

'

* * *

'

"And what exactly are _**you**_ doing up here!?", the older woman raged again.

"'tis fate!", the little, repulsive thing told her.

"I don't believe it!", Lum exclaimed, "How did you even get here? It's not like your USSA's, what's it called, Soya astronauts, would send **you** up here, after all!"

"Wrong ideology, Lum...", Izumi tried to explain, but to no avail.

"Shinobu sent me," he told the three undifferentiated.

Lum floated into his face. "And why would she do that," she asked the monk, suspicious of the Earthlings behavior.

"I can't quite remember such things on an empty belly," he told them, implying that he wanted to mooch off some food first.

Lum quickly flew to the table, grabbed a big, yellow ham and rammed it into the monk's mouth.

"ffhe waf ftargled wiff my abbearanfe, becaufe fhe'f fbying on Adaru and Ran."

Despite the ham blocking his mouth, Lum immediately knew what was going on and stormed towards the pilot's seat of the vessel.

'

* * *

'

Ataru and Shinobu had found themselves at a richly set table, too, but were staring at the finest spanish salami, french cheese, italian wine, all that before seven kinds of bread, two kinds of roast meat, five salads and two cups of vanilla ice cream.

"Ran-chan?"

"Yes, Darling?"

"What is all this?", he asked, the two Earthlings staring at all the food disbelievingly.

"Oh, it's just the food I wanted to prepare for Rei for a snack today, nothing too big," she declared casually, "It would be a shame to let it all go to waste, wouldn't it?"

Their stare on Ran, who was picking up a baguette, intensified. They were hearing correctly, were they?

"Uh...", Ataru started.

"Don't bother with it, Darling. You were right about his," She snapped the bread and took a dramatic pause, "intentions. After all, it was clear. Just as you said." Something about her voice was very unnerving. It was off from being off.

Both kept looking at her as if she were an alien. Which she was, but that was beside the point.

"What's wrong?", she then asked concerned.

"What's with your cute act?"

She smiled at Shinobu a knowingly and then turned to the other human. "Darling, tell her what happened."

Shinobu looked at him, too and couldn't help, but snort. "Ataru suddenly shrunk down in his chair, as he realized, that his hangover was affecting his memories of flirting with Ran-chan, too!", she picked on him a little, imitating an omniscient narrator..

The pink-haired girl suddenly was very confused. "Then I suppose you don't remember what I told you either?"

"N-not really," he hesitated.

Ran looked very unsurprised. "I could have thought so, the way you were hammered..."

Ataru frantically looked from one girl to the other, "But I..."

"Then I'll tell you what happened."

* * *

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**Flashback**

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ran ran around with her iconic murderous glare.

"**REI-SAN! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME!**", and switched back to Lolita-mode, "Ran-chan misses you!"

She was now as silently as possible waking down the graveled path inside of the "Spring Dome" of Mendo's evergreen gardens.

Suddenly some rustling came out of one of the blooming cherry trees, that were edging the way.

'Aha!', she thought lovingly, 'There you are hiding!'

Quickly she grabbed a rake, that was standing nearby, and started poking into the tree.

After a few seconds her eyes suddenly widened, as the tree cracked somewhere and she jumped out of the way.

In a huge whirl of cherry blossoms and dust, an equally huge branch came crashing down towards her.

Lying on the ground, she waited for the air to clear and what she found, was a cherry tree branch, a couple of bird's nests and-

"Ran-chaaaaan!", the red-faced human was greeting her n his idiotic voice, sitting on his branch, holding a plastic cup full of a pink-ish liquid and a huge crystal bowl full of the same.

"Darling, what the hell were you doing up there?!", she asked more than just baffled.

"I dunno," he told her cheerily and took a sip, "ask Mendo and the gang. They put me there. And what were you doing down there?"

"I'm searching for my beloved Rei-san! Have you seen him?", she asked, worried

"Well, not from up there. But there are other tigers and cows in the neighboring bio-domes!", he told her, already babbling a bit from his drunk state.

"That's not funny!", she yelled at him with her dead-glare.

"Wow, take it easy, Ran-chan!", he tried to calm her down, "Why are you so worried about him anyway?"

"Oh, like you would care!", she snapped.

Ataru looked at her bewildered. "It's not like he would either."

That struck a nerve. Ran was already pulling out her bazooka from her sub-dimensional storage device, as Ataru fell over backwards and giggled.

"**HOW DO YOU DARE TO ACCUSE MY BELOVED REI-SAN TO PREFER LUM TO ME!**", she yelled, little skulls in her eyes.

The boy only grinned dumbly at the alien. "Who said anything about Lum?"

Ran pulled the trigger.

After flying a few meters backwards from the backfired missile, the now blackened girl lay on the ground. Slowly and disappointed, she reopened her eyes. "_Don't_ say it."

Ataru woozily pushed himself back up. "Hey, Ran-chan!", she perceived through her ringing ears.

"What!", she spat, as she shot up again.

"Wanna talk about it?", he smiled at her and offered her his plastic cup.

Ran hesitated for a moment, but his for once genuine smile, even though hopelessly drunk, got her to grab the cup and sit down next to him.

Silence loomed between them.

"I know how you feel."

Ran looked at him annoyed. "Really," she deadpanned and drank.

"At least I think!", he said and took another sip himself.

Ran sighed and slightly deflated. "What am I going to do with him?", she asked nobody in particular.

"If you ask, I'd say forget about him. He's not worth the time, nor the effort," he told her and smiled again. "And the food money too."

"I wish it were that easy, sometimes, Darling, I wish it were," she slightly sobbed.

He stood up and tumbled around a bit. He was still steady though. "I think, that d'ff'cult dec's'ons are always d'ff'cult," he stated rather obviously, "but if they w'r'n't they wouldn't be im-portant."

Ran looked up at him with big, teary, confused eyes and took him in for a second. Careless or not this genuine smile of his, even though drunk, was making her feel at ease. At least a bit.

"M-maybe y-your're right."

"Now that's'a bett'r!", he told her, threw his good arm up and slowly leaned more and more backwards.

Just in time Ran realized, what was about to happen, shot up and pulled him back into a hug to keep him from falling over.

Ataru stared at her for a good few seconds. "Y'really are too cute for that guy. There's plenty 'f fish in the sea, y'know."

She stared back at him for another good few seconds and let loose, looking away, flustered.

"Don't say such embarrassing things, Darling!"

He looked at her confused, then took another sip and cheered up. "Well, good thing we don't have Lum with us, that lightweight!"

"Well, if you asked me, you should be interested in her not sticking around any longer at all!"

'Where the hell did that come from?', she asked herself.

"Whaddaya mean?", he asked, a bit drunk.

"Isn't she at one of Benten's parties?", Ran asked.

"Well yeah, whaddaboudit? She cana go off, too if she likes to." 'That is, if Ten's taken care of!', he mentally added.

The redhead looked down to the ground. She really felt sorry for the poor, naïve Earthling right now. "Benten's parties are exclusively swinger parties, Darling!"

Ataru looked down to the ground, then he stared at the pebbles for a minute with glassy eyes and his mouth agape, as the realization sunk in.

Then he suddenly dunked his head into the bowl in front of him and splashed the girl next to him with small quantities of punch.

When he reappeared, his intoxication level had clearly risen a lot, as his unfocused eyes would tell. "Ran-chan! Le's go ta Dishneyland!"

Ran hit the floor and got up again very stressed. "Aaaaand I'm taking this!", she stated and took the bowl full of bole out of his broken arm.

"Whassat for?", the drunk teen immediately began to complain.

"You've had enough for one night."

Appearing, as if on cue, was Rei. He took the dish out of Ran's hands, who, in turn, was watching him down all of it down in one single, big gulp, with big eyes.

"Lamu-chan!", he shouted happily and presented himself big between the two.

"**You**," Ran began in her mad voice, "**STUPID OX! WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD JUST POP UP HERE AND DRINK OTHER PEOPLES BOOZE!**"

The big tiger-cow suddenly got the chills and decided to make a leave again.

"**HEY! YOU JUST WAIT!**", then she turned around to Ataru, being a little worried, "Are you okay on your own?"

"Ssur'"

"O-kay then, I guess...", she said irritatedly, "I'm off then." And so she started to sprint after Rei, who had already gotten a good head start.

"Well!", Ataru aid to himself, "then I'm goin' to Disnaeyland on maown!"

And so he stumbled out into the night.

* * *

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* * *

"And that was that."

Both the women stared at Ataru, who sat there, flabbergasted. "I really don't remember a thing about Saturday!"

"Then you could at least fill me in on what you are doing here now, daccha!", a mad voice screamed in from outside.

"Was that ... ?", Shinobu inquired.

"No idea. I thought my ship was soundproof?"

Then a cloud of dust and electrically charged metal fell from the ceiling with a loud explosion.

"DAAAR'IN'!", a green-haired fury shouted out, "Why is Cherry telling me you've got a date with Ran-chan!"

"**GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU TERRORIST!**", Ran yelled.

"Nobody is talking to you, Ran! But this means war!"

Ran face-palmed. "And if you don't leave right now, I'm gonna call my dad and send him the footage of the surveillance cameras! Then you'll see what 'war' is, dearest ex-rival."

Lum paled and just pointed her finger at her ex. "This is not over yet!"

"Not, when I'm close by. My stake, my rules!", the redhead told her victoriously.

Then the flying alien held back yells and lightning and floated off.

Then silence fell over the trio again.

Ran just fell down on her knees, as a breath came out, shiveringly.

Shinobu elbowed Ataru, who still stared at the hole in the ceiling. "Have you seen that?"

Ataru looked at her. "No, what?"

Shinobu now addressed Ran, who was just now recovering from her nerves. "Lum got very quiet at the moment you mentioned your Dad. Is there something we should know?"

Ran stood up and faced them. "Boy, we sure did leave them in the dark, didn't we, Lum?", she chuckled.

"What is that supposed to mean, Ran-chan?", Ataru asked.

"Well, she and me were not exactly telling you all there is to space and the intergalactic society, I don't know. But I didn't think that she didn't even tell you who I really am."

"Then why didn't you guys." Ataru stated, rather than asked.

"I wanted to keep myself and you out of yet more trouble. All hell would break loose, if there was people, who found out about it. As for her, I've got no idea at all why she wouldn't give you an 'intergalactic society 101'."

"So who are you then!?" Ataru wanted to know, as his patience after Lum's attacks was laid thin these days.

"Well, just look at my former friends and add three and one together, I tell you."

The two were giving her a deadpan look. "Okay, I'll lead you into it.", she said and started to clear the table, since all of the food left now had a topping of plaster.

"Oyuki-chan is a cold, uncaring snowwoman, who only has her eyes set on money and, from your perspective, an alien princess. Benten is an equally careless rambo-type biker chick, who only gives a damn about threatening people and breaking stuff, and an alien princess. Lum is a beautiful sexbomb, who only cares about getting the next best man, that will give her stuff, money, sex and publicity. And, is of course, an alien princess. I am a cutie with a mental disorder, though in improvement, who wants to have the picture perfect picket fence life Lum is acting to achieve for pulling in guys with it. What could I have in common with the three of them, so we would meet and become friends?"

Ataru sighed and had that annoyed, knowing look on your face, that you get, when your dog poops on the carpet. Shinobu had banged her head onto the table.

"Are you being serious?", which came from the boy.

"Why yes, of course!", she told them and leaned back in her chair, "Who else would be allowed to be their friend? Or even on their _school_?"

Ataru rubbed his eyes. This was a lot of information plus totally new side of Ran. Except for at Lum's entrance, she had neither been a fury, nor a Lolita since they met last summer.

The brown-haired girl just stared holes into the air in front of her. 'Please, Gods, not another one!', she whined internally.

Ran looked at the two and smiled. "Relax, my Planet's people are, believe it or not, not out to wage war against everybody they see." She then turns to Ataru and lowers her head, "I, in the name of all the Aruka family and the whole planet of Qaar and its inhabitants, allies and protectorates, have to most humbly excuse myself for my behavior. Though this town really gets to ya, I have to say."

Ataru got more dumbfounded with each word.

"Qaar?", the earth-girl asked incredulous.

"Pro-protectorates?", the young man stammered.

"Yes," Ran then beamed, "my beautiful home-planet." She pushed a button under the table and a hologram emerged from under the table to show a purple-ish pink planet over the food and the rubble. "Unfortunately neither the hologram nor the monitor could live up its true beauty. But I hope that we and Earth could keep friendly relations."

"And then Lum is afraid of your father, who is, I assume, the Emperor-"

"King. He is a king. Please don't refer to us as emperors."

"Excuse me, the King of Qaar?"

"Yes, correct."

"Right. Afraid of your dad, because...?"

"Oh, right!", Ran laughed and facepalmed, "I always forget to tell people that part!"

She tapped onto the, seemingly not bodyless, hologram and Qaar changed to a more familiar sight.

"You know that one, right?", Ran implied and Shinobu, like a good student, raised her hand.

"That's Earth, right?"

"Correct. Now watch this!" Ran put her hands to each other, like she was praying, but stuck them out towards the 3D image and pulled them apart again.

The picture zoomed out about 6 trillion miles and before them was a ball of dispersed rubble, containing a star and 8 planets, 6 of them barely even visible. There were a small green zone around the Earth and the Moon and a large, light yellow one cartographed, that seemed to encompass most of the outer planets, except for a big, orange one.

"Our solar system, I suppose?"

Ran smiled. "Correct! The green zone is the territory that Oniboshi had claimed upon trying to invade Earth, and now, though put down nowhere, is considered your planet's own space in space."

"And the yellow one?"

Ran frowned, as she heard that, "Yellow spots are marked as 'governments directly influenced by the Oni', orange is fully conquered or colonized. In this case, it's Neptune, which is a client state."

The Earthlings shuddered, as Ran repeated her movement and the view zoomed even farther out and there were lot and lots of yellow dots appearing over all the nearby solar systems and eventually melted together into a milky way, that was almost completely orange in the middle, while the outer parts, especially of the western spiral arm, were in the light yellow from before.

Both the Earthlings sat there in shock, as the entire Milky Way seemed to be controlled by Lum's race.

"Okay, we might as well give up," Ataru declared. "Where is Oniboshi, so we can file for an unconditional surrender?"

Shinobu was even more shocked now and looked over towards him, hurt. "We can't just give up! It hasn't even started yet!"

"Guys, calm down!", Ran tried to do just that, "It's not all lost yet!", she chuckled, having seen this reaction not for the first time.

Then she pulled her hands apart and the hologram showed the local cluster.

"See?", she told them and began to explain. "While the Milky Way and the Canes Dwarf Galaxy may completely be under the control of _them_, most of the smaller galaxies in the local cluster are under the control of their balancing power."

Indeed, except for the above, there were only little parts of the other big galaxy, that was Andromeda, tinted in orange, while most of the rest, except for a few more pink-colored dwarf galaxies at the opposite end of the Milky Way, another good chunk of the other big spiral galaxy and a the Triangulum Galaxy were colored steel gray.

"So who is that other race?", Shinobu inquired to know.

"The Fukujin," Ran answered coolly.

The both their faces hit the table, after that they gave her a deadpan look.

"Well, there's still more," she replied a little embarrassed, "Do you see the pink and red spots?"

Both nodded.

"The pink spots are Qaari colonies, the red ones" – which were predominant – "are 'controlled' by, or rather in a union with, my race."

"That's not really comforting, you know," Ataru stated.

Ran swished another time and the picture moved out several trillion light years – and everything suddenly was red with pink freckles.

The mouths of both of the Earthlings fell open and stayed there, as the yellow and gray spots had, in the globular excerpt of space that had a radius of about 5m, shrunken down to the size of a pinhead and were, along with several dozen others, embedded in the cancer that was spreading itself through space, namely the Virgo Supercluster and its routes through its space.

"I could zoom out a lot further, since we also have the Coma and the Shapley Supercluster under our wings, but I assume you got the point by now. Plus that's not all the really big nations."

The hologram turned off.

The two humans just sat there wit blank faces, absolutely still.

"If all of that is true," Ataru began his question, "how comes that you are here in the middle of nowhere?"

Ran's secure smile she had carried over most of the presentation suddenly vanished, to be replaced by silent chocking and dry tears.

"If we could discuss this some other time? For now, let's just say you don't know how lucky you are not to know who you really are, Darling."

Ataru suddenly looked sorry. "Listen, I'm sorry. Whatever I said, I didn't mean to-"

"It's not your fault, Ataru," she said and started to pick up the rest of the dinner, "Just please, I want to be alone now!"

And so the two were sent off. Both walked next to each other in silence without exchanging a single glance and then parted ways without so much as a goodbye.

'

* * *

'

Lum touched down at her UFO, before which her uncommon three companions sat.

"Lum-chan!", the kid exclaimed upon seeing his cousin, "How did it go?"

"_Stupid Ataru, running into the arms of those two spoiled...", _she rambled in Oniboshigan.

"I suppose it did not go well?", Izumi then asked dejected.

Lum ignored her and grabbed Ten by his waistband. "TEN-CHAN! Get into the ship! We're having an emergency meeting on Oniboshi!"

And before Izumi could even react the hatch had closed and the tiger-striped vessel had left Earth's orbit.

She and the also charred Cherry looked at each other.

Izumi started panicking. "Oh Gods, all of my stuff and money was in there! Where am I going to sleep tonight?!", she howled.

"'tis fate!", the monk added catatonically.

"Don't you have any helpful thing to say? Ever?", she answered just as emotionless.

"If you want you can stay at my tent until Lum returns from her voyage. I only have one pillow, though."

Izumi looked at the small man helplessly.

'

* * *

Well, I think it's becoming obvious, where this is going.

Shinobu is being way too oblivious at the whole scene, I know. But lying to yourself doesn't improve your situation.

While this is going to drag on some more on the sidelines, I'm gonna have a lot more material on the Ran story-arc and the backgrounds of alien society in another chapter by March/April 1983 of the story. But despite political issues, there's always another way...

Tell me what you think of it! Seriously. I wanna know.

Now to get to the sad part: This'll be the last chapter until at least the 10th of June, since both my history professors now have set a work deadline to the same week. Then we'll see (if I survive a couple hundred pages of Homer, Aristotile etc., Plumpe). BUT I WILL GO ON! THIS STORY WILL HAVE AN ENDIG EVENTUALLY!

Wish you well till then and stay healty,

Francis.


	9. Crossing Affairs

**Chapter 9: Wednesday: Crossing affairs – The big game of the body-changer**

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(not much of a surprise of who will enter this story; Danger: Boring Chapter ahead!)

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'

**Replies**: Pyeknu: Yeah, I was too lazy to come up with anything myself, and it was good. I hope you don't mind.

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"That's right, Ryuunosuke-kun! Very well done!", he cheeped.

Mark Onsen was ecstatic! He had just gotten a full day's worth of curriculum done! No disturbances, no aliens interrupting his classroom, no evil spirits chasing anybody, even Mendo and the Stormtroopers were relatively quiet today. Not to mention that Cherry seemed too busy to show up today as well for a reason. What a day!

It was already shortly before the end of class time and he was making the last announcement of the day.

"Now before I let you out I want to remind you, that the finals start one week from now, and as you all know, we still need to make up for most of the year."

The class started murmuring.

"As I don't want to be stuck with you for yet another year, and I'm sure that feeling is mutual, and we are months behind the setpoint of out studies, I seriously recommend doing these worksheets I prepared for you. I have taken the freedom of putting you together in study groups of four."

The class groaned and Ataru rolled his eyes.

"First we'll start with Chibu-kun, Satoshi-kun, Kakugari-kun and Lum-kun. Could anybody pass that along to her?"

Megane stood up and pushed his chest out. "I will gladly accept the honor of informing my dearest Lum-san of our noble mission."

Onsen stared at him. "Right," he said flatly and took a deep breath.

"Next group is Miyake-kun, Perm-kun, Mendo-kun and Moroboshi-kun."

"I will _not_ adhere to this unfair partition!"

'I had to challenge it', thought Onsen, as he set up a grumpy attitude, "You have a problem, Mendo-kun?"

"This group has, except for me and Miss Shinobu, only got losers in it, that need to be carried by me. I refuse to be in a group like that! Or of any kind that will let me do extra work! A presentation with this moron is already enough of his bad luck!"

"Néné, I love you too, Shu-chan!", Ataru said in his stupid voice, but put up a grumpy expression as well right after.

"Watch it, Moroboshi!", Mendo told him, but did no more, since he was already lectured about the misuse of school utensils by the Principal yesterday.

"But then the groups won't be split evenly! And I spent twenty minutes to work everything out yesterday!", the teacher complained back.

Suddenly the door flung open whith a loud 'Thud!' and Ms. Ikagata, teacher of class 2-7, slowly entered the room, slightly unnerved.

"Mr. Onsen," she cracked at him, while holding out to him a slip of paper, seemingly staying away from him as much as possible, even averting eye-contact, "I just got this request from a student of mine who, for no apparent reason at all, stomped up to me and requested to be put into the second learning group."

Said man looked at her in confusion, but took the slip anyway. The other teacher bowed slightly and then turned around and tip-toed off, slamming the door closed behind her with great velocity and an even greater 'THUD!'

"O-kay!", the man in the hot-spring-covered suit established, "that was very weird. Anyway! It seems that miss Aruka Ran will, for some odd reason, join group two."

Ataru and Shinobu looked at each other in astonishment.

'

* * *

'

"Do you think that she has anything left to say?"

"I sure as hell don't hope so, Shinobu-chan. But if she has to, I sure as hell want to know."

"Well, wouldn't you think it would be better to apologize to her first?", she frowned.

"Probably," Ataru agreed, "You as a girl should know her better."

Shinobu gave him a deadpan look, but decided to rest the case, since arguing with him was not what she stayed here for. The two were walking down the hallway towards Room 2-7, as two of Ran's classmates came hurrying the other direction.

To stop them, Ataru grabbed one of them by the arm. "Hey, have you..."

"KYAAAAAAAA!", the girl screamed in terror, as the other one sprayed him with pepper spray.

"y-YYOOOOOOOW!", Ataru exclaimed himself and covered his eyes as good as possible, before starting to jump up and down through the hallway, then crashing into the bathroom and subsequently the toilet stalls.

"_**What the Hell!**_", Shinobu towered over them, made taller by a lifted desk. "He was just going to ask her if you'd seen Ran!"

The girls froze in mortification.

"..."

A moment of silence passed.

And then another.

A tearing Ataru was coming out of the toilet with a bottle of water, which he used to clear his eyes.

"That was not nice."

"We're sorry, we thought you wanted to drag us off to your cave," the elder one, a girl with blue eyes and light brown hair told him.

Ataru sighed quietly with closed eyes. 'I need to fix my image with the girls one of these days.'

"So? Do you know where she is?", he said and looked at them with angry, red eyes.

The girl looked at her short, pudgy friend.

"She said she doesn't feel all too well right after sitting down for giving the teacher a message and ran off. Said she wanted to have a look at the volleyball match earlier this morning, though. Perhaps she's there. If you don't report us to the principle, you can have my tickets!"

The other two briefly exchanged a look and Shinobu snatched the tickets.

"Alright, now you go have a nice day and don't just spray Ataru-kun any longer, okay?", Shinobu tried to sound calm, while trying to get lost of them quickly. You could notice that she was trying to, and had his eyes not just turned into hot lava, Ataru would have snickered at that.

'

* * *

'

"-kodan!", the opponent yelled and smashed the ball towards Tomobiki's battle field. Natsuko desperately leapt in order to catch the ball, but even her face was not stopping it.

As they arrived at the gym, the match was already in full play.

Shinobu instantly noticed the girls jump, how _intense_ and _vital_ they seemed to be in the battle.

Ataru was more aware of the intensity part, as there was a short explosion breaking a mid-sized chunk of floor out, that immediately smashed into his face.

Shinobu looked at him with a mix of shock and exasperation, but zero surprise. This wasn't the first time that happened, with his luck...

After a second or two, the piece of supposedly wooden floor, which was in reality just plastic, was slowly loosening itself from his face and fell to the floor.

"Why do I even bother!", he sighed to himself quietly.

At this a girl with short, black hair came running up to them in a green-ish dress.

"Oh my Gods! I'm so sorry! Sometimes she just does things like that, when she's in the heat of the battle!"

Ataru wiped off the dirt from the floor and put on a wide grin. The girl was not very voluptuous, but really very pretty, having a very irresistible flair about her that made his brain activate his deeper, animalistic roots. "Hi!", he greeted her in his best idiot voice.

Shinobu looked at him, agitated and formed claws with her hands. Then to the girl with a mix of killing instinct and intrigue. "Battle?", she asked.

"Well, yeah!", the girl was starting to explain and friendlily gestured for them to come along, "Your team was asking ours for a match, but that girl over there", she said, pointing at Natsuko, "Was putting all of our players out of commission during warmup already!"

Shinobu looked at her companion, now worriedly, who smiled and furrowed his brow over the girl with the black hair.

"Really?", he asked incredulously, "I can see Natsuko do a lot of things, but hurting somebody? And before a game no less!"

"Well," answered one of the two girls (long, light brown hair) the stranger had lead them to, "but she did."

The other girl (shorter, dark brown hair in a pony tail) nodded. "Luckily we still had our secret weapon ready!"

Ataru looked at the three girls confused. "Secret weapon?"

"U-huh!", the first girls nodded and looked towards the game.

A short, busty girl in a pink leotard jumped around on the field, higher than even their own champions balls flew, barely ever touching the ground, jumping around on the walls more than anything else, deflecting the ball with high power, so that Tomobiki's girl could barely even keep up and so they were slowly turning the balls into a gray blur.

"Whoa!", a wide-eyed Shinobu exclaimed awestruck, as the girl effortlessly increased the speed further and further, becoming a blur herself, "Who is she!?"

"That is my beloved pig-tailed girl!", a tall boy with a lean face, dressed in a gray gi, told them, stretching out his bokken forward, as he fixed his eyes on a blur.

"ARGH!", the black-haired girl cursed, "Who the hell even let you _in_ here!"

"Ah, my fair Akane Tendo, I will of course not fail to accredit your love to my magnificence, as there is love enough inside of me for the both of you!"

The girl then suddenly turned red from one second to the other and lost a lot of her previous pretty flare, now looking like a male Fukujin warrior, much like those Ataru had seen on Setsubun. "Oh, can it, Kuno!", she exclaimed and sent him of through the roof.

Ataru and Shinobu stared at her.

"That was rather effective," he noted, astounded.

"That was rather rude," Shinobu did the same, but more upset.

"Pah, if it were enough of either for him, he would finally leave the two of us alone!", Akane grumbled.

"You know her?", Shinobu asked.

"Yeah, she's a cousin of Akane from China."

Ataru watched the girl move in silence, analyzing her every movement in the back of his head. 'I know these moves from somewhere, but I just can't recall where from...'

"Anyway, you seem to have a few 'special' guys at your school, from what I've heard," he then added.

"Well, we still have better luck with the guys than you do, apparently!", the taller girl told them.

The Tomobiki students looked at the Furinkan ones appalled.

"What's that supposed to mean?", Shinobu asked, obviously unhappy.

Two of the three girls from Furinkan High looked at them with big, shocked eyes.

"You mean you haven't heard of the 'Lecher of Tomobiki High'?"

The two stared at them expressionless.

"Me neither!", Akane added and suddenly looked nervous.

"I guess not," the brown-haired girl told them, "They say that he's a delinquent, who has repeated second year five times now, and that when he's lusting for a young girl he goes out of his hideout back here to school or the park, then assaults all girls there and forces their name, address and phone number out of them and later kidnaps them there and drags them off to his cave and then makes the poor girl do … things with him!"

Ataru looks at them with a forced smile and a twitching right eye. "Really?", he asked with false enthusiasm.

Her friend nodded, while Akane suddenly tensed up and started looking around herself frantically. "Yes! And then his Oni girlfriend will torture her with electric shocks! And the worst is that when the girl's pregnant he'll hit the baby with a frying pan!"

Shinobu fell over, while Ataru just looked at the girls, disturbed. "What do you say is his name again?" 'Just gotta make sure...'

"Ataru Moroboshi!"

Akane shuddered at the name, as thunder and lightning struck in the back.

"Sorry!", the janitor yelled, "We have a problem with the tin roof. It's been loosened by the wind and then it rained inside, so the electrics are going haywire!"

Then Ataru turned back to the girls. "You know, that's just an overexerted rumor, right?"

"How would you know? You said you've never met him!", Akane accused.

Ataru looked at them hurt. "Because I _am_ Ataru Moroboshi!"

The three girls looked at him, then they scared the heck out of themselves and jumped a few meters away from him.

Ataru rolled his eyes. "Take a look at me, girls! Do you really think I'm capable of doing that to a woman?" He held out his cast. "Especially right now?"

The three looked at him.

"Well, I don't know," Akane answered.

Shinobu got up. "Just look him into his eyes, girls! He may have touched some girls inappropriately," she looked at him scornfully, "a lot of girls," she looked back at the visitors, "but he'd never, ever _hurt_ an innocent woman."

The three gaped at her. "Really?"

"Uh- huh! Men, that is something very different, but never a woman, I'll give you my word for that."

The girls visibly relaxed.

"Besides," he added, "There are a lot of guys around, who are just as strange or worse than me."

They blinked at him. "Really?"

"Well, there is this guy, who's engaged to a girl, but is in love with my ex-'girlfriend', the Oni. He keeps his harem around, but never lets any of the girls come close enough to get him off the thought. Then there's Ryu-chan, who is adored by all the other girls in school, but her father keeps saying she's a man and her whole identity is screwed up by him, though it's not her … are you alright?"

This Akane girl had, in those few seconds, gotten red as a tomato and was simmering in an intense battle aura. "I'm … fine," she pressed out, trying to stay polite.

"Well, your friend over there seems to have the same problem, he's..."

Suddenly the girl took him by his collar and dragged him outside, her fear of him replaced by anger and panic in thirty seconds.

"Where the Hell do you know Ranma's guy-side from?"

Ataru blinked. "Well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?", he asked as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

"But … but how?!"

"I'm still me, so I sorta sensed it. Besides...", Ataru just casually pointed back inside over his shoulder.

Inside, the girl with the red pigtails jumped up into the air and shouted "Mōko Takabisha!", flexing her slim body as much as possible, bouncing off the wall into the ball, countering it with triple the force. Then she loudly growled, as she fell down to the floor. Upon seeing Natsuko embedded into the floor with a huge crater and the ball inside of her mouth, she sprung up and began an awkward dance.

"HA! TAKE THIS, YOU BITCH! WHO'S NUMBER ONE? I'M NUMBER ONE! UH! WOOO!"

Back outside, Akane sweat-dropped. "This idiot!" She turned back to Ataru. "Please promise not to tell anybody?"

"You mean they haven't figured it out, yet?!"

Akane smiled sheepishly. Ataru rolled his eyes, nodded and they headed back inside.

By now Ranko stood in the middle of the field and was lecturing the opponent. "And so? Will you stop hurting innocent volleyball players?"

"Never!", the Tomobiki star girl shouted and the whole room tripped.

Ranma just stood there and shook her head.

Suddenly the wall collapsed. "Aiya!", a girl shouted, as she parked her bicycle on the girl's face, "Airen! Shampoo here for celebrate victory over troll-girl!"

"Who are you calling a troll-girl?!", the Tomobiki student yelled.

Another girl, one with long, brown hair and a giant cooking utensil strapped to her back fell from the ceiling.

"Leave her alone, he's all mine!"

The Purple-haired one went into a battle stance. "Stay back, Ukyo, or Shampoo flatten you with own spatula."

"Erhm...", the smallest girl started, but suddenly the doors flew open and the gym was filled with wind. In the blink of an eye everybody stood a foot deep in black rose petals and a laughing girl in a green leotard had appeared.

"WAHH! Kodachi!", the red-headed girl exclaimed, "What the hell are you all doing here?!"

"I want a date!", they all yelled and the girl-boy shuddered.

Ataru suddenly heard something crackling. Next to him three girls were mortified and he followed suit.

"A-akane?"

"Yes?", she growled lowly, being aflame in the fires of rage. Literally.

"Can I get you a fire-extinguisher?"

"No. I can't beat them up with it."

Ataru sighed. "Okay, then. But don't say I didn't warn ya!"

"What's that supposed to-", Akane's friend asked, but lost her voice, as before her the Lecher of Tomobiki High changed his face. Also, literally. His eyes grew wide and unfocused, his mouth slacked, even his nose changed a bit and an immense, scary aura was suddenly emitted.

Then he dashed onto the playing field, shouting: "Shampoo-chan, Ukyo-chan, Kodachi-chan!"

The girls looked up and shock froze their faces. Suddenly he was grabbing Shampoo's breasts from behind her back. "Shampoo-chan!", he suddenly told her all-serious, "Why should you waste your time with a girl, when you could have it so much better."

"KYAAAA!", the amazon screamed jumped a good seven meters into the air, for the first time in her life being afraid of one of those inferior males. As she landed, she looked back at him, terrified, while pressing herself against the wall with all her might.

"Ukyo-chan!", he then proclaimed to the astounded Ukyo, who wouldn't believe, why, of all things, _Shampoo,_ would act that way, until he walked his fingers along her spine, "I don't think that anybody could appreciate your fine cuisine as I would."

"H-how do you know, that I'm a c-cook!", she stammered, unable to move.

He switched back to the stupid face "I can tell a babes' profession by their smell!"

"NGHNGHHMMNHG!", Ukyo throated, as she turned around, tripped over her own spatula and fell to the floor. She started retreating, as Ataru kept following her. "GET AWAY! GET WAY! Get AWAY!", she shouted, as she whapped her spatula left and right to keep him at distance, slowly crawling backwards on the floor, arriving next to Shampoo. By stopping to move backwards she then managed to hit Ataru, who kept moving forwards, and send him flying – directly towards Kodachi.

"Kodachi-chaaaaaaaaaaaaan!", he exclaimed happily, as he extended his good arm towards her.

But Kodachi, having no intentions to even touch him, disappeared hastily in yet more rose petals, having the effect of him flying straight trough, hitting the back wall. He slowly slid down said wall, squeaking.

The two other girls suddenly let out a breath, they didn't know they were holding and relaxed, in the prospect of the threat disappearing.

"Phew," Ukyo said, "Seems like I knocked him out good."

Suddenly a shadow appeared before them. "Never underestimate my love for women," the shadow said.

The girls screamed again and, with him holding both together, they disappeared through the door as fast as lightning. "KYYYAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhhh!", it sounded, as their voices faded in the distance, as only a lecherous giggle echoed through town.

The gym was silent. Everybody stared in awe of what had just happened, the Furinkan students even more, because they knew these girls and their fighting skills. So silent in fact, that you could hear a needle drop. Or even Ranma walk across the field towards them.

"What in the HELL, was that just?", she asked the group of girls, mostly unfaltered.

The girls were speechless. 'Well, that's something new for Akane!', he thought.

Suddenly the stranger closed her eyes and started grinning. The group focused on her. "That, Ladies and Gentlemen, was Ataru Moroboshi in action!", she announced proudly.

Akane and her friends blinked once.

Twice.

Three times.

Then they broke out laughing.

The redhead just stared at all of them.

'

* * *

'

"No! Cherry! OUT!", Izumi screamed, as she had the small 'man' tucked beneath her one arm and was pulling a stick of celery out of his mouth with the other.

"D'n't take a holy nans pfood!", Cherry then countered, only for Izumi to start trying to get him to loosen by centrifugal force, as she swung him around from side to side over his head.

Passing by were the women of her former neighborhood, looking at her, astounded. "So he really did it. He really finally did it," a woman looked towards her and smirked. "Let's call in the bets!", she then proclaimed and threw her hands up in amusement with a big smile on their face. Then the group started laughing and continued their way.

Izumi had then stopped her swinging mid-movement, as she watched them leave. Cherry gnawed upwards on the stick of celery.

She dropped to the floor, eyes blank and a frown on her face.

As Cherry and Kotatsu-neko set up another wok of stew, she just sat there in the dust and stared at it.

Then some feet, covered in black leather, with legs in blue suit pants attached to them, stepped in her view.

A newspaper was handed to her and before she looked up, the owner of the feet was already rounding the next corner, straightening his hat, putting his glasses back on, heading towards their house. _Her_ house.

Then she stared back at the newspaper with a tear, as she saw a five-hundred-yen piece stuck to it with Scotch Tape.

"Three days," Izumi mumbled, "Three days ago I was living in a nice, big house with my family and lots of food. Now..."

She looked at the newspaper a little closer. Her heart sank. Those were the classifieds for apartments...

'

* * *

'

Akio was sighing, as he stepped into his front yard and looked down. "The grass needs cutting already? Oh, well."

"Yo, Dad! How are ya?"

Akio looked up and around the house, checking if there was any more work to be done, now that one could blow it up, it actually made sense to attempt to fix all the stuff, that annoyed him for years.

"Well, I-", he the turned his head to his son. "WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO YOU!?"

Ataru was standing there in the front yard with a blue eye, a spatula rolled up in his hair and scratches of a cat on his face. Probably the same one, that was still hanging onto him.

"Got into a fight with some girls", he sighed and lowered his head.

Akio sighed as well and slid his fingers through his hair. "Why is there a cat on your head, then?"

Ataru recalled chasing the girls down the road, until in terror, Ukyo started wildly punching around her and accidentally placed her spatula on his head, which meant she could break free. Then he and that Shampoo girl hadn't looked ahead for a second and fell into the channel and the next thing he knew was that a female cat was sitting on top of him and scratching his eyes out.

Angrily he took the cat where a collar was supposed to sit and flung it against the neighbor's fence. "Stupid stray," he muttered.

"You seem terribly upbeat as well, dad," Ataru couldn't help but notice. The bags under Akio's eyes really were hardly unnoticeable. "What's wrong with you?"

Akio slowly unlocked the door and let them both in. "It's my boss. I can't stand that jerk! They've decided on putting all the big project's deadlines in the same week and now he's haunting us with getting everything together in time. Plus I haven't had a day of vacation since your last wedding attempt," he laughed hollowly. "Also, I..."

It was in this second that Shinobu, Kosuke and Ran ran past them and in the door, carrying a screaming mummy on top of their heads.

Father and son looked at each other worriedly. "You take care of this," Akio simply stated and proceeded to the kitchen to make some green tea.

Ataru joined the others in the hallway, who were... baffled.

"What?", Ataru simply asked.

"It's...", Kosuke asked, "Why does it smell strange?" Indeed, the whole house had a little bit of a different smell than last time he was there. It was a mixture of lavender, cheese and burnt wood.

The cleaning of the kitchen, what Ran noticed, was... nonexistent, as far as the heap of used pots and plates in the sink could tell.

Most of all Shinobu was struck by a fact, that made the biggest difference altogether that had taken place, since she, and her friend before her, stopped regularly dropping by and only intensified once they were let into Ataru's room bit later.

"Uhm," she told him, "we're … here for the study group. We wanted … to do some maths..."

"UMFHUMGHAARGBH!", the mummy added.

Ataru looked unimpressed. "Alright then. You know the way."

The three students and their tamed mummy went upstairs. Once arrived in his private quarters, Ataru dropped down in his office chair and let the others come in behind him.

What the humans noticed though, was shocking them. Now even Kosuke noticed it and, unlike the brown-haired girl, decided to immediately voice his thoughts: "Dude!", he exclaimed in wonder, "Where's all your stuff!?"

Ran and the mummy, of course, had no reference, but what the others saw, was so different from the past. His record collection had made way for an iron safe. Where there used to be a high-tech stereo system there only stood a little mono radio. His posters – singed. His walls and nightstand – singed. His desk littered with scratches and burns and splinters. His precious manga collection – gone. His old black and white TV, that he and Kosuke once salvaged from the scrapyard – gone. His action figures – gone. His piggy bank – disappeared. And what struck Shinobu the most: all the little pictures and toys and trinkets he used to have – that she gave him! - had either been broken or disposed of.

It was true though, that she was here a few times since then, but always under reasons, that revolved around Lum or spirits. Not having noticed it. Again, this was not right in her mind...

"Way to be subtle Kosuke!", the former owner of all these things spoke again and sighed, "All of it either got broken, burnt or electronically fried by fights with Lum and Jariten. No big deal here, but-"

The mummy started screaming and wiggling and finally lunged on top of Ataru.

"Yow!", he yelled, "Would somebody please get King Tut here offa me, before he molds me in!"

Then the top of the cocoon burst open at that and the reddened head of Shutaro Mendo popped out of it. "Why you little! How dare you defile my precious Lum-san!"

Ataru looked surprised, but not enough to answer that. "Who the hell got the idea to bring this clown here?"

Everybody casually found something else to do, either bird-watching, humming or unpacking their working material.

"How dare you call me a clown, you imbecile!"

"How dare you call me an imbecile, you clown! And take a bath, you smell like old sandwiches!"

"How dare you talk to me like that, you cretin!"

Ataru was getting tired of this conversation already. "Listen, since you're here already, how about joining in on our studies. Sure, I'm not an ace in everything, but hey! Who is, right?"

" – ", Mendo tried, but was immediately stalled.

"You ain't either!", Perm prevents him from voicing his thought.

Mendo looked at them and sulked. Ataru shook his head.

"Fine", he told him, "be like that, but don't expect me to tie you loose!"

Mendo sighed.

'

* * *

'

After two hours of preparing each other, especially Ran, being an alien, for the Biology finals, they had quickly left the house.

Ataru led the majorly confused Mendo out the door.

"If the octopi have run out of crabs the octopus population will start to sink later than the crab population, was it?"

Ataru looked at him flatly. "Yes."

It had been a catastrophe. Ataru had spent forty minutes explaining Mendo the connection between pray and predator population according to Lotka and Volterra and had only finally succeeded, when he exchanged the rabbits and lynxes with octopi and crabs. Meanwhile the others had covered most of the stuff already, despite Ran being said alien and slower on some concepts, as they were perceived differently by Earthlings.

Mendo nodded and left for the limousine, that was waiting. Kosuke too, headed for his car with a friendly nod and a little smile.

Shinobu was, meanwhile, putting her shoes back on, while Ran took a closer look at the kitchen, or what she considered her home grounds.

"God, this place is filthy!", she commented, as she began searching for some rubber gloves, as Akio searched for some dried noodles.

"Well, I'm sorry... But... erh...", he ran out of excuses for not cleaning the dishes before he even had one.

Ran sighed. Finding the gloves, she, between thumb and index finger only, begins to pull out the old pan, that was soaking in the sink since Monday and the leftover sauce on it fell back into the water.

Akio began watching her put it to the side, so she can, with disgust, address the pot in there.

After a second, he snaps out of watching her and intervenes. "Y-you really don't have to- I mean, we- You're a..."

Ataru came in from behind ad grabbed the pot from Ran, to put it on the counter, along with the pan.

"I believe, what he wanted to say is, that you're a guest and therefore shouldn't have to clean up our mess."

Ran shook, as she noticed, that he had placed his body only centimeters behind hers. "I- It's ok. It smells."

'Why did I say that!?', she then thought, wanting to kick herself in the butt.

All of the humans looked at her strangely, causing her to flush.

"Come on, Shinobu. Let's get going!", she then proposed. Well, it wasn't so much a proposition, as she stiffly marched towards the other girl, grabbed her collar and dragged her out of the door just as stiff.

Outside, Shinobu yanked herself free. "What the hell are you planning now, huh?", she questioned suspiciously.

Ran turned her study-buddy's head to the kitchen window, in which you could see Ataru finishing to clean the pot. Akio then melodramatically pulled out a pack of noodles, in which there were exactly three left, causing him to cry.

Ataru rolled his eyes, opened two packs of instant noodle soup and emptied them into the pot. Then he filled it with water, set it on the plate and put the sponge for the dished into Akio's hand, gesturing up the stairs. His dad sighed and went to clean the dishes, as he went upstairs to continue his studies.

"That's sad, you know?", Ran told her.

"Pretty much," Shinobu said, not adding, 'but it doesn't explain your behavior!'

So she suspiciously gave her goodbye, as Ran was already considering tomorrow.

'

* * *

**Author's notes:**

I'm back, Baby! I missed a deadline due to technical difficulties (forgetting to tick a box) and developed a hate for history professors and online learning platforms. But hey, I got this story to let out my frustrations :).

Yes, I know. I'm using overly melodramatic capitalistic symbols. Whatever. I'm more sorry that the plot was pretty flat this chapter, but we are, like, _going to _need this brief interaction with Ranma and Akane for the further plot. Perhaps they will get their own story(arc). Who knows.

And also, Lum will be back shortly.

'

* * *

**Next time on "The Final Straw":**

Invader plopped down onto the living room floor, Lum gently lowering herself down next to him.

Akio poured himself a glass of apple juice.

"Ain't we gettin' nothin'?", the big man inquired a little upset.

"No," Akio told them flatly.

"That's not very hospitable!", the girl complained.

"Good, we don't want to make you feel welcome, either," the boy said dryly as he joined them.

Invader's eyes formed little slits. "So you have two choices. Either you take back Lum, or I will conquer your lousy little planet, but I ain't paying you a damned buck!", he yelled and slammed his fist onto the table.

Akio shivered and retreated a bit further back into the room. Ataru, on the other hand began to think, as a big smile began to form on his lips.

"How about a counter-offer? We do this your way."

"Our way?", Invader wondered. Ataru smiled even greater on the inside, confusing the old fatso was already half the game.

"Yes," he said and poured himself some juice, too, "Let's make a bet."


	10. Darlings Luck in Betting

'

I'm not deay yet. Although I feel a little lost.

'

* * *

'

Replies:

Pyeknu: Be patient. Enjoy the chapter as it is.

Ziomy102: Well, my concept needs exactly that, so I guess you're lucky.

Guest(s?): Thanks, here it is.

'

* * *

'

Thursday

"So how shall our group proceed, given the time and space to work?", Mendo asked the other teenagers, as they left the building the next day.

Again, apart from Megane growing increasingly nervous, unnerved and by extension unnerving, and Kotatsu-neko passing out a poll sheet for what the school swimsuits could look like once redesigned, the day had proceeded fairly normal. Normal not by the standards of Nerima, but by the rest of the world.

"I dunno," Kosuke said, "Ataru, mind if we meet up at your place again?"

"Sure, no problem. I'll just head off and buy some crackers or something, so I don't look like a totally cheap jerk."

"Buying only crackers will achieve just that effect", Mendo added flatly.

"Well," Ataru said, "better than nothing."

As Mendo couldn't disagree, the two girls arrived to the group from opposite sides.

"Hello, Darling!", Ran said in her sweet voice, as she got there, "How are you today?!"

"I was just..."

"Ataru-kun!", Shinobu dropped in just as cheerily, "I was wondering where we would study tonight!"

The other two boys looked at him annoyed, while Ataru himself looked around frantically.

"What are we, chopped liver?", Mendo aggravatedly asked.

"Oh!", both girls said simultaneously, "Didn't see ya there.", and turned back towards the lecher-on-break.

"We're going to my place again, in … let's see, I was gonna get some crackers … and I have to go to the bank … in about an hour and a half?"

'Crackers!?', both of them thought, 'Now, if I…'

'

* * *

'

Unbeknownst to any of the above, above their heads, a hell of a long distance, more than any human could ever conceive of traveling on one of their own spaceships (at least for the time being), out of the Milky Way and two and a half million light years to the left, or, as everybody else in this universe calls it, just a six and a half hour flight away, there was a yellow-orange-ish planet silently circling around a yellow sun.

A giant garbage truck flew against the camera and made it fall down through the atmosphere into a hot, lifeless desert through which a single road was leading.

This single road stretched itself through the landscape like a black ruler, straightening and flattening and cutting through it as if it were not worth seeing it. Which it really wasn't, since there were only rocks and stones for miles. But nonetheless it was important, because it connected the black ribbons of cities, that were sitting on stone platforms, that once formed the continents of this planet, now making no sense whatsoever.

On this road was a lot of traffic, since it was the M4 from the planet's biggest financial district, Caerdydd, to the capital of Oniboshi, Tentojidaccha. In the back of one of the hover cars, that were stuck in the traffic jam at the speed of only Mach 1.6, a black limousine, was a big, round, toothy face. The face belonged to the Emperor of this planet and many more, but had different concerns as of right now.

"Kawatkalehalkal, Imha te galm-"

"Pas. You know you're supposed to talk Japanese with me, right?", Invader told his personal secretary, using the newly established informal name of 'Traditional Galactic Standard'.

"I'm sorry, Sir. As I was saying, in order to restore the good graces of the Tahakami Conglomerate over today's issues, we must think of countering the loss inflicted on them by the treaty we decided on."

The Tahakami family. Invader shuddered even thinking about that pointless joker that was leading his Empire's second biggest company. A joker with more vocabulary in his mouth, no, in one tooth, than numbers and business plans in the brains of his entire executive branch, that had dragged him and Rei's father around the entire quadrant in order to get a proper coffee, which had cost him the entire day. In frustration Invader had given the contract to building the newly developed XHJ647 Type Space-Jets (which's exact replica Ten's paper model was) to Rei's father, while also settling the patent dispute over the Iono-Impulse-Turrets, that was now going on for about as long as he was on this planet, giving it to him, too.

Invader coldly sighed, as the Limousine broke free of the stream of vehicles, as it entered the plasma shield protecting the plexiglass dome from the outside world. Looking out the window he saw as the fifteen-kilometer-high skyscrapers disappeared to make place for his mansion's park.

After another few minutes of going the speed of sound the car rapidly decelerated and sat down in between a big fountain and his house.

"Have you reached a conclusion yet, sir?"

"I'll think about it. Have a nice rest of the afternoon."

The assistant blinked a couple of times. "But, Sir, I…"

"It's okay, Pas, old companion. I'll need the rest of the day to sort the issue with my little girl out and I don't want you around my wife. You've deserved a bit of time off, anyway."

Both of them got out of the car.

"Well, well thank you, Sir! I'm very-"

"Don't be, I'm indebted to you, not the other way round, forget already?", he exclaimed loud enough for the entire Manor to hear and hugged Pas hard enough for the much smaller woman to gasp for air.

A guard chuckled as he released her, while the secretary got up and bowed again with a much less enthusiastic smile on his face. "And please, be sure to do what's best for Lum," she said concerned, "I couldn't live with her being…"

"Sh-sh-sh!" Invader warned.

She straightened up. "Ah, yes. Much obliged sir. A good afternoon."

And so she and Invader walked off in different directions, the latter being inspected by multiple DNA, iris and fingerprint scanners, which didn't even need contact or samples these days, causing the wall to automatically disintegrate before him. After the inhabitant went inside the wall quickly repixelated and seamlessly closed behind him.

He _so_ didn't want to do this.

'

* * *

'

Arriving in his kitchen, he started his afternoon like he always would: "One cup of black coffee!", he ordered the food replicator, and a mug of coffee with a bag in it appeared before him on the counter top. "Thank you!", he told the machines and headed deeper inside his living quarters.

As he passed the living room, his wife was currently on the videophone, chatting with another woman in Oniboshigan. She had a curly haircut of about 5cm in length and a radiant smile, that warmed the room up.

"Aya, hanakattanomina kawa! Atta Inbeda, na wa konakihé," his wife told her friend and started giggling with her, "Tahakami, na wa thega gahu gallawà."

Invader turned around and headed out into the hallway again, looking annoyed. "Bet Tahakami. Or should I say Betty Rubble, Pah!"

Miffed, he took a sip out of the comparably tiny cup. "Can't those guys ever mind their own business?", he complained to himself and stomped further down the hallway.

Arriving at a bend next to his hobby room, was a pink-and-black-striped door, with lots of things on it that may look like plums, but are actually the human heart accurately depicted without blood vessels, yet awfully drawn.

"At least Lummy-kins is still susceptible to strategize with me," he contently notes.

Just as he reached the doorknob (which was still the best way to open a bedroom door, that shouldn't just disappear or slide open mechanically, and for very good reasons at that), a loud voice came blasting out of the room. Obviously from Lum herself.

The exact spelling order was lost in translation of this text from Oniboshigan to Japanese to English, but her words were about those: "OOOOOHIUUHUHUHGBFFVFDFVFFFFFUCK YEAH! MRNGRRRRIIIIIGHT THERE YES; YES! OH; BY THE HOLY PATRIARCH OF TECHNOLOGY I LO-OOOOO-OOOAAAAAAAAA… AH-AH-AHVE THIS THING; OH BY THE HOLY EMPEROR; OH FUCKING YEAH!"

Invader jerked back from the doorknob. "That was… intense," the big Oni told himself again, trying to ignore the rattling of her bed, quietly and drained the cup in one go.

Hurrying back into the kitchen he quickly ordered himself another and returned to his wife again.

She was still on the phone with her friend, as her husband finally stepped into view.

Bet swiftly changed language from old Oniboshigan to TGS as soon as she saw him. "Invader, how are you? Oh, I'm so surprised to hear the contract my husband and you agreed upon."

Invader suddenly got hot. "Well, I'd sure like to tell you all about it, but I think you should hear your husband's version first," he tried to tell her as coolly as possible, a small sigh still creeping along his words.

"Oh, I'm sure everybody is gonna go celebrating with how I know your loyalty."

Invader flinched upon hearing that, not unnoticed by his wife, who raised a skeptic eyebrow. "Er… right. I'm sure you will just know how loyal I'm to my companions!"

Unsaid however goes, that, at least for him, Akio Moroboshi would be the better and more reliable and straight out better liked business partner in comparison. Hell he even really liked Rei's dad a lot!

But his wife was a high school friend of Bet, and Bet was the wife of her husband. He sighed.

"Listen, you know I'm busy and I still have to to a lot of paperwork today. And there is still something we desperately need to discuss with Lum."

"Oh yes!", the woman on the screen exclaimed happily. "Lum's engagement with the class four humanoid trash from that backwater mud ball is at stake!"

Invader bared his fangs in anger, as he tried not to yell at the green-haired ditz. 'One, two, three…', he breathed.

"Yes, my dear!", he then overenthusiastically returns at her.

"Well, Invader, don't you forget that there is one rich, handsome, talented…"

"Yeah," he then hastily concluded, "Well, gotta get Lum. See ya!"

"But…"

"Bye!"

"Well…"

"Cheerio!"

He slumped down in his favorite recliner and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

A low growl was emitted beside him.

"Will you just knock it off, dear! I tried to be friendly, but she keeps on doing this and I am so sick of it."

She huffed and looked away.

At the same moment Lum entered the living room.

"Hey, you guys! What's going on here?"

Her father daren't meet her eyes, keeping them closed instead.

"Siddown. I have thought of something and I wanna hear your opinions."

'

* * *

'

Ran was amused. After learning how Terrans thought the reproductional process worked on a cellular and intracellular level, completely forgetting to mention the Wasgtihjo'ic formula for genetic scrambling, the key to cloning processes, they now started trying maths. It was just too cute!

'Crack'

'Crumble'

'Crunch, crunch, crunch'

'Schwung!', it made as Mendo drew his bokken, which he now carried, while his Murasame was confiscated. "Will you filthy pig now leave it be with the darned crackers!"

Ataru did not react to the 'sword' in front of his face in any way. Instead he bit into yet another cracker. "they're not called **crack**ers for nothing, you know?"

Mendo's eye twitched, as he retracted his weapon, noticing the looks on everyone's faces.

"Fine by me. But give me one, too. And some soda to gulp it down."

Everybody looked at him strangely yet again.

"What? I'm trying to be polite to this buffoon and that's the reaction I get?"

Ataru sighed and reached him a soda can. He was going to need a big favor from him pretty soon, so why not collect sympathy points?

'

* * *

'

The rest of the learning session was over pretty fast, and Ran-chan was doing a stellar job on teaching Ataru how to calculate the 3rd derivation of an equation and draw it's graph.

The look on Mendo's face was pretty much priceless, as he began to grasp that Shinobu's assumption about Ataru's intelligence had proven to be more than accurate.

Kosuke, after a while, couldn't keep up and just stared dumbfounded, as Ataru's pencil began smoking.

Shinobu was as lightly blushing at her friend, as he escorted them all to the door.

But, as the night before, not all of them headed outside immediately.

"Same place, same time tomorrow?", the sportiest of the group asked the rest of them?

"Affirmative, if the owner of the…" Mendo looked around him for a second, "… accommodation is willing to entertain us some more."

Ataru shot him a glare. "Fine, but next week we'll be at your place, if you think that's better."

Mendo's eyes bulged. "No need, as there will be fewer distractions around this part of Tomobiki, as my sister will not interfere here."

Ataru closed his eyes and bit his lips, trying to refrain from giving a commentary. 'One, two, three..' "Then mind your expressions… he's already gone."

His shoulders slumping, he growled and turned around to go inside with closed eyes…

… in order to bump into an astonished Shinobu, who watched Ran measure out the kitchen very energetically.

"Twenty-seven malkonian dwarf shins from the far east to the far west side…"

Ataru joined into being baffled. "What in the name of the gods is she doing there!?"

Shinobu turned to him, looking questioning, then pinched her eyes and sighed. "Captain oblivious, the lecher," she sighed wearily.

'

* * *

'

"Well, that should do it," the lady, who still looked like 21 said, as she signed the contract, "Now for the tenancy deposit."

Izumi looked at the Tupperware bowl in her hand marked "vegetables". This was it. No going back after this.

Her secret savings.

She took the money out and held it out to the younger woman, who tried to take it. And then pulled harder. And then some. "Mrs. Moroboshi?"

"Yes?", she innocently answered.

"You have to let the money go."

Izumi stared down at her emergency funds. The last of her cash.

It was her only option; well, the only one she could afford at least.

"Great, you'll be staying in room 5. When are you going to move in?"

"As soon as possible!", Izumi sighed in horror, "My current 'roommate' is the pure evil!"

'

* * *

'

Somewhere over in Tomobiki, a small creature sneezed. He turned to Kotatsu-neko.

"Oh, I hope I didn't catch a cold somewhere!"

Kotatsu-neko took a spoonful of undefinable stew and pondered.

'

* * *

'

"The room's already vacant, so that'll pose no problem. I'll introduce you to your new neighbors, they sure are an interesting bunch!", the woman smiled and led her up the stairs.

'Oh, great.' At that Izumi anticipated a bunch of rowdy hooligan students to keep her up partying all night.

And it was immediately true, when a short, round woman came stumbling out of her door with a fan styled like the Japanese flag. She then stopped and eyed Izumi distrustingly.

'My god, she must already be well in her fifties!', Izumi then noted shocked.

"Please, don't do this to new tenants!", the young woman then instructed the older one, which then pouted and went into door number four.

"What was that?", Izumi required to know, slightly baffled.

"Oh, don't mind her. She's always that way." She unlocked Izumi's new apartment and let her in. "Anyways, I hope you will enjoy your stay at Maison Ikkoku!", Kyoko Godai smiled.

'

* * *

'

"And that's my plan!"

His wife and daughter stared at him, obviously not amused.

"You have got to be kidding, daddy, daccha!", Lum told him.

"A-a'kiya, Inbeda. Kowa na."

Invader growled. "Well, you've had two days to come up with a better plan and no giant empire to run! What kinda plans have you come up with?"

The two stared at each other and then sheepishly back at Invader.

"I thought as much. If none of you can come up with any better ideas, Lum and me will go down there tomorrow in order to execute the strategy."

Both women just rolled their eyes, as he turned around and walked outside.

"And no buts!", he yelled back in.

'

* * *

'

A poster was flying into Ataru's face the next morning. Another one clung to Shinobu's chest. He pulled his off, as did she, just for another blow of wind to rip hers out of her hand and make contact with Ataru's face again. He sighed.

Angrily, he removed that one too, crumpled it and threw it on the floor. "WHO THE HELL DID COVER THE ENTIRE TOWN WITH THESE!?"

"Good morning, huh?", Shinobu asked and smiled sympathetically.

"I didn't sleep too well last night. I felt like the universe has plotted something for today," he told her exhausted.

'Grgrlgrtrmbl.'

"Well, your tummy tells me differently!", the brown-haired girl chuckled and searched through her backpack to pull out a box and hand it over to Ataru.

"Here you go. Made these all by myself!", she proclaimed proudly, as she pushed her chest forward.

Ataru looked down. A bento. She. Wasn't. Fucking. Serious.

"That's awesome!", he told her excitedly, "But aren't you going a bittitit-"

"HOLY CRAP!", they both screamed in astonishment as they came to a sudden halt.

Looking up at the school building, the entire complex was covered in paper from the basement windows up to the brass rooster ornamenting the clock tower. But not just any paper – a 'missing girl' flier.

They stared at it for a few more seconds with bulged-out eyes, then the boy spoke up. "Okay, which nitwit did tha-"

Another poster slapped into his face. Annoyed he addressed Shinobu. "Do you see what I see?"

"Don't let him be serious," she pleaded to the gods, and after a second look added growlingly, "for his own sake!".

She and her lifelong friend then hurried inside.

"MEGANE!", Ataru shouted out loudly as he ran through the corridors with the flier stuck to his face. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU COWARDS!"

Shinobu followed suit, as she knew exactly what was going to happen next.

Ryuunosuke stood there in classroom 2-4, waiting with her classmates, holding a stopwatch, as they barged in. "Four point five seconds. New record. Bet goes to Kaito."

"Now, Moroboshi", returned Mendo, "Calm down and let real protagonist material handle this." He gave a mass of screeching girls his best smile and let his teeth glisten in the sun.

He was taken by the sleeve by his frienemy. "**Where **_**is**_** he!?**", he yelled at him, fuming.

The heir broke free again and straightened out his shirt. "How the hell should I know?"

Suddenly wild laughter was ringing outside, through a megaphone. "WAHAHAHAHAHAH" 'Cough. Cough.'

"The Gods damn him!", Ataru said, slapping his good palm onto a desk and then ran outside again.

Mendo then regained composure and addressed Shinobu. "Good morning, fair miss Shinobu. What, oh what has our insolent idiot planned for today to destroy peace and tranquility?"

Shinobu looked unimpressed. "Not buying it, Shutaro."

The noble facade slid off Mendo's face for a second time as his feet slipped under him. "What are you saying?!", he squaked in desperation.

Shinobu looked at him as wide-eyed as all the other girls did, as she reluctantly picked a peace of paper (yes they were also glued to the walls and floor on the inside) and pointed to the lower left corner. Shutaro took the sheet out of her had and read it consciously for the first time.

Then his noble act returned. "Hm-hm-hm", he laughed as he pushed a strand of hair out of his face. "This is just just too amusing."

'

* * *

'

"This is not funny, guys!", the boy yelled as he pulled his second leg out of the skylight and picked yet another flier off the roof as he climbed down towards the four.

Perm scratched his neck and retreated with a sorry smile and a look that said: 'I didn't think this was a good idea! I didn't want this!',

while Kakugari had his hands in his pockets and nervously avoided his eyes and Chibi looked at him like a deer in the headlights.

Megane, on the other hand, walked up to him, as Ataru slid down a chute of cellulose. Stopping him with his foot pressed to his still not officially declared as healed ribs. Ataru was not only apprehended, but also relieved, since at least he felt no extraordinary pain in them, deducing that his torso was healed.

"Look what the cat dragged in!", Megane sneered. "A deserting bastard!"

Atarunarrowed his eyes. He breathed in and out, trying to control his anger, as he thought of an appropriate answer. "You're the bastard for dragging me on the roof with a broken arm in the _first_ place! **Why** did you even put _my __**name **_on _your_ _**search-ad**_!", he attacked as he stood and held up the flyer.

As you are already read, it was a "Wanted" poster that Megane had created:

'

"Lost: LUM INVADER

[insert picture of green-haired alien here]

Age: 17

Hair Color: Blue/green- iridescent

Likes: Lazy, selfish, ugly, fickle motherfuckers; jogging, tiger-print clothing, spicy food

Dislikes: Noble, selfless warriors of justice, Shinobu Miyake, Ran, garlic

Any information concerning her whereabouts is rewarded by Ataru Moroboshi with a million Yen.

Information is to be relayed to Satoshi Chiba."

"Because _I _don't have a million Yen!", Megane told him most innocently.

"Neither do I!", Ataru yelled, frantically waving around his good arm.

"Very true! But with all of your debt what do another million or two matter anymore?", Megane coolly answered him with a confident smirk.

Ataru took a step back, mortified. "How do you know that?", he spit.

Megane shrugged his shoulders, still smirking. "You told us yourself."

'

**********************************************************Last Saturday; 9:23 PM********************************************************

'

"And now, we shall open up the main gardens to the esteemed guests of Ms. Shinobu's birthday Party!", Mendo proudly declared, as the doors to the biodomes opened and a bright, yellow light shone upon the party-goers.

With a lot of 'Ooooh's and 'Aaaahhhhh's the guests then left the main event hall astonished. Or so they would have. One of Shinobu's guests allowed himself a little joke as a guitar began to strum.

'

**I'd like to be**

**under the sea**

**in an octopus's garden in the shade.**

**He'd let us in,**

**knows where we've been**

**in his octopus' garden in the shade.**

'

Mendo dyed purple and shouted at the Kuromegane to find the source of the music, while groups of friends left to the gardens, laughing.

Shinobu's own group was one of the last to leave.

"Serves him right, the stupid showoff!", Ataru muttered as he took a sip of his punch. And then another one.

"But damn, his drinks are good?", Shinobu asked in amusement.

"Hell, yeah!"

Then she became aware of an uncomfortable stare. And so did Ataru.

But for different reasons, since Inaba stared at his girlfriend and Ataru was being stared at by someone else entirely.

She blushed of embarrassment, he of anger.

"Well, Ataru, I suppose Inaba and I should go and enjoy each others company for a while. It's such a beautiful night, after all," she told him, looking evilly at her boyfriend, who was now getting red himself.

Ataru suddenly looked back and forth between them and his onlookers frantically. She saw them too, but before he could say anything, she interrupted again.

"Calm down Ataru. Nobody's gonna hurt you tonight, or I'm gonna", she then loudly directed it to the group of people watching, "PAY IT BACK TENFOLD!"

They flinched.

Ataru at that looked at her worried.

"Come on, you were supposed to _**not**_ worry about your situation tonight! That's why you're here, right? To take a break from the madness?"

Ataru looked at her skeptically, but she, again, spoke sooner. "Just mix in with the crowd and try to have some fun, will ya? I'm gonna look after you in about an hour or so." She then turned to Inaba, who blushed so much that he looked like a sunburned penguin with ears. "Maybe two."

Then she grabbed him, dragged him through the door and immediately away from the crowded paths into a quiet spot, giggling.

Ataru raised a finger. "Uhm…."

The group of people was then closing in on him very quickly. He tried to escape, but stepped on his shoelace and fell. Then they stood over him.

"MOROBOSHI!", a stunning fellow in a blue suit threatened, "What have you done to Ms. Shinobu for her to do those indecent acts!"

Ataru removed a katana from his throat. "Believe me, guys, neither of us wants to know what _they_ are doing when they're alone."

Then the guards moved in closer. "What is your secret, that Ms. Shinobu mentioned earlier?"

"Which secret?" Ataru then acted on them.

"Do not hold me for a fool!", Mendo then shouted, checked if nobody was around and stepped on his leg, "What is it about your 'bottleneck'? Has that foolish old man of yours finally lost his job?"

Ataru thought for a split second "Yes."

Mendo then assessed it for a split second. "That was too easy, so it is untrue." He increased his pressure on Ataru's leg. "Try again."

Ataru yelped in pain, but said nothing.

After a few moments he noticed that it was useless this way. "Kakugari, Plan B!"

Kakugari then went over to the part of the buffet table, that Rei hadn't yet cleaned and stopped before the punch bowl. He nervously looked around and pulled out a silver flask, unscrewed it secretively and poured the brown content into the orange bole. He did so with two more. After he was done, he carried the bowl over to the group and put it down on top of Ataru.

A little while later they had successfully force-intoxicated Ataru.

"So now again:", said Megane, "tell us the secret!"

"Alright," Ataru said and gulped. He took a deep breath: "Ya Mom's been cheating on ya Dad with the mailman for twelve years!"

A loud gong appeared and Megane stepped back, deeply struck.

Mendo then got closer again. "Moroboshi. Tell. Me. The. Secret."

"N.O!", the barely drunk Ataru answered him.

'Zing' it made, and Murasame was at his throat. "Good argument. I'm in debt to the government with several billion Yen and hating you for it."

Mendo looked veeery stressed. He gritted his teeth and gripped the handle of his sword.

Meanwhile Megane came to. "No. You are LYING!"

The Stormtroopers looked at each other nervously, trying to communicate. Mendo grinned and nodded to Megane. Megane, now angry, grinned back. He grabbed the Bowl out of Kakugari's hand and flung it at Ataru, who caught it without spilling a single drop. He fell over though, ending up holding up the bowl perfectly level around his buttocks. Shutaro took the lecher's right hand and Megane the left. The others grabbed his leg.

After a while it seemed the had found a good spot to deposit him.

"Heave, ho!", they shouted as they got him swinging with momentum, "Heave, ho! Heave HO!" And he was thrown up into the tree.

Ataru looked down at them, unimpressed. "That was kinda unnecessary, you know?"

"So is this!" Megane shouted and threw the punch after him again. "And stay up there!"

Ataru stabilized himself as he watched the Troopers leave. "At least no one will bother me here." Relaxing, he laid back and put the still surprisingly full bowl on his belly. _How_ was it still so full anyway?

'

************************************************************The Present***************************************************************

'

Ataru looked at him with big eyes.

"You should not be so surprised. But then again, you were extraordinarily intoxicated."

The less square-faced boy regained some momentum. "Listen, Satoshi, I don't know what the hell is going on in that rotten brain of yours, but why do you need to have Lum in your sight all the time?! She's, although close in emotional development, not a dog, you know? She can go where she wants to."

Megane began to step closer. "No, you listen! You have been corrupting Ms. Lum up to the point that she has no joy on this world and therefore no compulsion to stay here!" He swung at him, Ataru slipped and slid down the roof, grabbing the grain gutter at the last moment. "You are paying someday. I'll show you! Just like the mailman showed your mom!"

The Stormtroopers looked at each other amazed at Ataru saying such hurtful things out loud.

"YEAH!", a freshman student shouted from below, "He showed her real good!" The boy thrust his hips in mockery as a couple of students began laughing.

Megane turned beet-red and stormed forward. *Fschup*. *Bang*. *Clatter*. A second later a screw ripped out of the wall, that the gutter the two boys now hung on, was bolted into.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT!", Megane yelled at the other boy. Ataru sighed.

Back at the ground Shinobu, Mendo and the rest of class 2-4 came to see the spectacle. "Ataru-kun! Are you alright up there?", the former shouted.

"I'm hangin' in there, hehe!", he laughed nervously. Then the gutter began creaking. "But seriously, someone help us!", he then continued a little more worried.

At this moment the nurse approached the scene of action. "Whatever is this commotion about?", she declared half-melodramatically.

The students just pointed up, as the gutter came loose on one end. Just as she followed with her gaze, Megane hit her on the head butt-to-face.

As he sat up, he looked around, then under him and lit up. "Oh, Nurse Sakura I rejoice in seeing you take care of your students…"

"Shut up and get _**off**_ me!", she told him, as she righted herself up and sent him straight against the wall.

She looked around. "Of course it had to be him! Why cant you just be _normal_?"

Everybody still had their gaze fixed on the hanging Ataru. "How is he still hangin' on with one hand?"

"I thought he was a right-hander?"

"Guys?"

"He must give it a lot of training!", a senior joked and signaled jerking off.

"With both hands?", a girl asked unbelievingly, "He can't possibly be _that_ big."

"Guys!"

Mendo reacted. "Girls," he started nonchalantly, "it's Moroboshi we're talking about!" He slandered up to a girl and gently pulled her chin up with his index finger, making her blush. "He couldn't possibly be bigger than a toothpick if he needs _that_ kind of attention from girls."

Shinobu and Ryuunosuke shook their heads. "And him then if he talks like this?"

"Uh, **guys**! As much as I enjoy hearing people talk about my penis, could someone please **HELP ME!"**

That moment he slipped. In a mind-flash Shinobu sprung towards the falling teenager. In a mind-slip, she tripped over her shoelace and came to a grinding halt. She was instantly struck by guilt over letting him fall.

But there was no 'thud'. Why was there no thud?

Looking up, she looked against the sun. What she saw was the shadow of him being held up by a girl with long hair in a school uniform in mid-air.

The girl wore a jet pack.

"Darling! You shouldn't just jump of buildings! You scared me to death!", Ran admonished him and they gently touched down.

"Wow, that was cool!", a guy shouted.

"Where did she get that jet pack?", another one asked confused.

"They say her dad's an inventor," a girl from Ran's class answered.

"Wow," the student body awed, while the brown-haired girl growled.

On the roof Perm looked back up from over the edge. "Guys," he addressed his pals worriedly, "We need to talk about Megane…"

'

* * *

'

That same afternoon, as the study session was almost over, Shinobu still hadn't gotten over her growling, Mendo was explaining Perm curves in 'non-mathematical' ways and uses (they were getting along quite well in fact) and Ataru and Ran were talking over the graph in their math book when suddenly the doorbell rang.

"Ataru! Ataru, you get it please! I'm doing the laundry!"

Ataru growled and got up. "I'll be right back."

Ran became bored instantly, so she looked out the window. A flash of green. She stormed after him.

Before he could open the door, she grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. "Don't!"

He looked at her with big eyes. "Why?"

'**Ding-Dong.'**

"'cause Lum's Dad's hair is in the 1st floor window!"

Ataru blinked twice, then looked at the door.

'**Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong!'**

"And what am I supposed to do?"

"… As I said. Don't open it."

'**Dingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdongdingdongdingdingdong**...'

"Any other idea?", he asked annoyed.

Ran thought shortly. "Daddy always said to play out the enemy's weaknesses."

Among the sound of the continued doorbell-ringing was now a screaming alien. "DAAAAAAR'IN'! Who's in there!", Lum rather demanded than asked.

Ataru turned around quickly and shoved Ran back up the stairs. "Don't let Mendo down. He's _just_ getting to be more docile. He's gonna flip!" With a nod she went on.

Ataru went back down the stairs. "We don't want any cookies!" he screamed through the door.

Akio came into the room, wearing a flowered headscarf and yellow rubber gloves. "What the hell is going on?!", he demanded as well and marched to the door.

"That's not a good…"

But he was too late. Invader pushed open the door and Akio flew back down the hallway.

"Dad!", the son shouted, then turned around. "I said we don't WANT any!"

"Well," growled Invader, "we're hard negotiators."

Akio looked at Ataru, who nudged his head towards the big Oni. "Well, Dad, didn't you have something to tell Mr. Invader?"

The father's face distorted in regretful pain for a second, then he walked up to the taller and wider alien. "Mr. Invader, I believe you owe us an apology. And some reimbursement for all the extra damage-claims!"

Invader looked serious for a moment, then he decided to show mirth. "Bwa-Ha-HA-**HA**! You Japanese folks are hilarious. You sound just like the hippies over in America. But anyway, no." He got all serious again. "That's not exactly why we're here and you know it."

Then he passed both of them. Father and son looked at each other and begrudgingly followed him.

Invader plopped down onto the living room floor, Lum gently lowering herself down next to him.

Akio poured himself a glass of apple juice.

"Ain't we gettin' nothin'?", the big man inquired a little upset.

"No," Akio told them flatly.

"That's not very hospitable!", the girl complained.

"Good, we don't want to make you feel welcome, either," the boy said dryly as he joined them.

Invader's eyes formed little slits. "So you have two choices. Either you take back Lum, or I will conquer your lousy little planet, but I ain't paying you a damned buck!", he yelled and slammed his fist onto the table.

Akio shivered and retreated a bit further back into the room. Ataru, on the other hand began to think about what Ran said. They had an advantage in power, so where was their weakness? The cogs in his head began to rattle, as a big smile began to form on his lips.

"How about a counter offer? We do this your way."

"Our way?", Invader wondered. Ataru smiled even greater on the inside, confusing the old fatso was already half the game.

"Yes," he said and poured himself some juice, too, "Let's make a bet."

Unbeknownst to all of them, three figures and a bound-and-gagged Ran were standing on the staircase as stealthy as possible, listening to the conversation intently.

"A bet?", Mendo whispered with a mixture of disbelief and repulsion, "I don't believe his stupidity. How the Hell can he _win_ a bet against _Lum_ of all people?!"

"Ssh! I wanna listen!", Perm silenced him.

Lum didn't like this already. His smile was telling them too much. "What kind of bet?"

Ataru stood up and walked around the room for a bit, pouring himself a glass of apple juice and sloshed it around in his glass, eyeing it as if it were expensive whiskey.

"GET TO IT!", she screamed, then her father shot her a glance, which more than silenced her. She was now a perfect angel of a demon.

Calmly he emptied his glass. "Whichever of us has the better year-end average grades gets what he wants. If you have better ones than me, I'll get officially engaged to you. If I, however, win, you get Ten, get Rei, get Benten and Oyuki and all the other weird beings and gadgets you brought here, pay back all the debt you caused us and go the Hell home and never come back."

"That idiot!", Shinobu swore quietly while Mendo's hands trembled at the hilt of his sword. It was hard not to rush out right now and you could tell by looking at him.

"Ssshh!", Perm said with more force!

Lum couldn't help but act let her act slip a bit. Her left eye twitched, she smiled heavily. Invader, however, smiled too. "You do realize what kind of stake you are betting with, son-in-law? Are you sure you want to just give up like that?", he stated, intrigued, challenging and a bit cocky.

Ataru smirked. 'Gotcha!', he thought. "Now, if you think this will be an easy game for you, why don't you agree, too, Lum? Or are you afraid to lose to me?"

Lum's eyes formed little slits. "You're on."

"Well then!", the brown-haired boy exclaimed and moved to the middle of the room to reach his hand out, which the others accepted. Before he shook them though, he stepped closer to them again, so that their faces were very close. "But no alien gadgets. Mano a Mano."

Lum looked as fierce as her handshake was. "You're still on!"

Ataru continued smirking. "Heh. Now. Get outta here."

As they left the house again, Invader once again turned around to face the boy. "You do realize I'm gonna hold you to it."

"'f course. As am I."

Invader raised an eyebrow, but turned and left without a word. Ataru turned as well, but behind him was one of the usual culprits running towards him drawing his sword. He considered catching it for a split second, but then decided that it wasn't worth it this time and just stepped aside, letting Mendo put all his weight into the slash and fall down, realizing that his real sword was still confiscated. Mendo got up.

"I will not tolerate this behavior towards Ms. Lum! Once I get my sword back, I'm gonna…"

Ataru decided to let him drone on and concentrated on the other three. He would come around again.

"Ataru-_kun_!", Shinobu admonished, "How can you be so careless! Lum's gonna do everything in her power to get to you!"

"Then let her." He went to untie Ran.

"B-But…"

"Relax, Shinobu! I've got a plan," he declared proudly.

"The man with the plan!", Kosuke joked, "Oh man, I'll be damned. But I think we should call it a day, Mendo's a bit cranky."

"Yeah, I think so too," Shinobu added.

They both excused themselves and went past Mendo. Said trillion-heir turned to the non trillion-heir. "You're going to pay tomorrow."

"I'm broke," he told Mendo flatly, "You pay."

"Wh… th… not…" Mendo went home not getting a coherent sentence done because of all his anger.

Ataru shrugged and finished ungagging Ran.

She immediately had something to say. "What was that just? You can't just make bets with the emperor of Oniboshi! He's gonna crush you."

Ataru stood up and turned towards the neighboring houses. "You see, that's where you're wrong. I'm playing against Lum. Doing just what you told me."

Ran looked a little lost.

"I'm using their weaknesses against them. I have known both for quite a while and can safely say, that a tag race would be stupid. But the tag thing got me an idea: Invader gambles for planets on a daily basis, the probability of him losing being very low, but obviously no tradition, otherwise he wouldn't come to every tag race or wouldn't have repeated it in the Rupa-Incident. I guess he even gave Lum the memory-wiper for added thrills, not for sensible reasons. That tells me he's got a gambling problem. Also I know he's an alcoholic, but there was no time. As for Lum, she's just too competitive to lose _anything_…"

"… But without technology she can't even boil eggs without killing everybody around." Ran was sightly impressed. As was Akio, who was standing in the doorway.

"I'm impressed," Ran said, walking past him to the door with a sly grin. "C'mon, Darling, I'm gonna make us three dinner. It's gonna be a long few weeks."

"Are you really Ataru?", Akio asked his son, as he remained outside, unsure of this situation.

He turned around to face him. "Yes, and I'm only getting started."

'

* * *

'

Author's note:

I know I've beengone a while, but I will continue my story.

And yes, the flashback was solely so I could have the Song Octopus's Garden by the Beatles in here. Why? Because I wantet to.


End file.
